DAD-Chronicals : No more child and not yet grown up - on the threshold of the adolescent

No more child and not yet grown up - on the threshold of the adolescent


Not fish, not meat - this is how one often uses ambiguous states in linguistic usage. Our children also go through this when they are standing on the threshold from child to adolescent. For children and parents a difficult time, in which much understanding on the part of adults is required.

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In youth research, this time is also referred to as "middle adolescence". This period covers the ages between 11 and 14 years. The state of aggregation of our children can change every minute during this time. The tough teen suddenly becomes a child playing with dolls or Playmobil and comes out of the nursery two hours later as a tickled bitch.

From child to adult - a long and stony path

It takes a minimum of ten years before a primary school child becomes a halfway adult. Even before the onset of puberty, the hormonal changes begin in the body, which usually completely mess up the psyche. Until the individual development steps have been taken, a longer period of time elapses. Within the development comes then to many parents so dreaded unpredictable behavior. Especially between the ages of 10 and about 14 years, children often switch from childlike to youthful behaviors. This can happen so fast that we adults hardly come along. Thus, a conversation between father and son, which seems to have started at a near-intellectual level, may end with Sonman defying and raging like a three-year-old who has been deprived of his favorite toy. Parents should have a lot of understanding during this time and give their child the freedom to be both - teenager and child. You should keep in mind that this is only the beginning, because after this phase follows the right puberty, which can cost a lot of energy to parents.

Children in between

In physical terms, this condition of our children, in which they are half-child, half-grown, can be understood by boys in their voice breaks. There it also becomes clear that there is little control at first, whether the voice is low or high - the more testosterone is produced, the deeper the voice sounds. In the broken voice, this production is still irregular and uncontrolled, as are the moods in the Vorpubertät. For the children themselves, this condition is usually associated with tension. No wonder - it can be quite threatening to become inscrutable and unpredictable to yourself. That's why children need patience and appropriate freedom.

Adopted in all emotional situations

Even if it is difficult: Let your child be as it is and love it in every "state". The easiest way is to accept the changes in behavior and to leave the change as uncommented as possible. It is quite enough when fighting with oneself, mocking remarks of the parents about the respective emotional state are not very helpful and on the contrary can lead to the fact that the child delimits itself. It is more productive when the child feels accepted, whether it is now very grown-up or suddenly very childish. Respond to what it does to you: If it behaves as an adult, treat it the same way, if it behaves childlike, then you also reflect this condition accordingly. Ratings make your child insecure and make him feel that something is wrong with him. That's not very good for the self-esteem, which is not very stable anyway.

Places for being a child

Very important in this time is that your child has a retreat, by playing undisturbed again with the long -dreamed Barbie dolls or can look at the old picture books from childhood. Even older siblings with their sense of sensitivities should now have to respect the room line very consistently. There is nothing worse than shouting at school or friends that you are still playing with dolls - even if all other friends probably do the same. Also for the parents: Save yourself any comments. You will not "help" (as well?), But only cause your child to feel uncomfortable.

Overall, you should just relax. The time in between, when your child switches between childlike and adult posturing, does not hurt him or anybody else. Time will pass and you can wait for that.

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