DAD-Chronicals : Strange Children - When interference in education is allowed

bembelmaniac (65)in #dad-chronicals • 6 years ago

Strange Children - When interference in education is allowed

From the outside you can often look at situations more clearly. This is also true and especially for the parenting. Even one often sees how parents treat their children inappropriately - or at least believes. The decision to meddle in such cases or not is not easy.

Children need limits - but do you have the right to set these foreign children? Can one interfere when other children misbehave? This situation is fierce, because even if parents are extremely annoyed by their own child: When it is criticized by strangers, they become wild lions and real furies.

When other parents make mistakes

... you can see them most of the time. Whether you interfere or not, whether you make comments or the whole thing goes neat depends on various factors. First of all, you should think about the welfare of the strange child. What happens if you criticize the parents? Does it help the child or does it even worsen his situation? Social workers often report that children who are publicly protected by passers-by in front of their parents often have to suffer very badly at home. Do you prefer to keep your mouth shut in such a situation?

There are cases where you just have to intervene. For example, when an adult physically or verbally abuses a toddler. Already the power imbalance demands that the child be supported. Then there are situations where it would be important to get involved - but does it have an effect? If one recommends the single daddy's neighbor not to let his children sit for four hours in front of the television every day, one will usually meet with little affection and there is no such thing as success. When it comes to "educational mistakes" from friends, it depends on the situation and the relationship to each other. In an open and trusting friendship, one can certainly also criticize the style of education, but without guarantee. For most of the time the recipient knows anyway that he did not behave correctly. And if we are made aware of mistakes that we have already recognized ourselves, we usually react very sensitively.

Interference does not always have to be direct

If serious parenting mistakes, neglect or even maltreatment are detected, the interference is mandatory, even though the education of children is commonly treated as a private matter. The contact person here is the youth welfare office. Here you can draw attention to grievances in families. The youth welfare offices have the obligation to follow such instructions - but there is no guarantee for success here. If it is obviously a state of emergency, for example, because the mother in the hospital and the father with the two small children is hopelessly overwhelmed, one should attach less criticism rather discreetly offer help or point out possible help. Maybe you can take the children to school with you, invite them to play with your children in the afternoon, and remind your stressed-out father that you're entitled to a home help.

Properly formulated interference

If one can not express one's opinion of an educational malady, one should beware of phrases like "you are totally wrong!" Or "you have to do it this way and that!". Criticism and teachings are out of place and only make sure that the addressed parent switches to passage. Better are the following methods:

Report on your own experience with the situation or information that you have from books or magazines.
Formulate your own sensitivities in the situation instead of criticism: "Man, I made a right sentence in shock, when you / just barked like that!"
Offer direct help and support, ideally already with concrete ideas. Again, you should avoid pity or criticism, but formulate factual.
In principle, you should formulate everything that you have to say about the parenting style of your parents, diplomatically and respectfully, and never go over to the "direct attack".

Set limits to foreign children

If you have to deal with other children, it is also often tricky to get involved. Here one can again turn to one's own sensitivities: What concerns oneself or one's own child directly can also be regulated by a foreign child. Anyone noticing an inappropriate behavior as an observer should be placed under the category of "other people's children". If a stranger kidnaps you or your child on the playground or treats them with sand, delineating is not only possible, but even important. On the other hand, if a child behaves disrespectfully to his father in the playground, you can confidently leave them to themselves.