Divorce is like a Death

in #divorce6 years ago (edited)

Divorce is hard no matter how it happens!

Just talked to a friend who has been married 40+ years. She found out through an email to her work that her husband was having an affair with one of his clients. She thought it was some kind of bad joke. The email was sent by the husband of the woman having the affair. Somehow he found out about it and decided my friend should have that information. When my friend confronted her husband he admitted it. She was blindsided. She had been betrayed by the very person she trusted more than anyone else. She is now in the process of selling their home and moving. Talk about a major, difficult process! She now has to work with this man to go through all their belongings and decide who gets what. She is definitely a victim yet has to continue to go on and do all the things that will make her “free” of this man. But, even after the house is sold and she has moved away she will never really be free from him and the choices he made. They share adult kids and many grandkids. It has negatively affected all of them too.

I am divorced after being married for three decades. I chose to file for the divorce after my ex said he did not have the “energy”to work on making our marriage better. By better, I mean sharing on an intimate level what we were going through emotionally. We had grown apart for many reasons and being in that marriage was a very lonely place to be. So lonely in fact that I preferred living alone. At least then I would not feel like I could expect any support from him. When you are married, you do feel like you expect support from your spouse. Well he was blindsided by my leaving. He said living together was better than the alternative. He believed living like roommates was ok. I did NOT. He asked if we should take the money we would use to pay for a divorce lawyer and instead take a special trip together. It was definitely too late for that. I had been asking to take a trip like that for years. Well, my point is that even though I filed for divorce, it is not something I ever dreamed I would do. Who gets married thinking they would ever end up divorced? Not this Christian woman who believed God hates divorce. But like I told my friend, I felt like I was on a sinking ship and if I didn’t bail out I would go down with the ship. So I jumped. Wow! I had no idea how DIFFICULT the journey would be! I lost the house I raised my kids in, I lost my closest friends in my church because I had broken my marriage vows. And I lost the respect of my adult first born child who I had raised to believe you do NOT break your marriage vows or you are failing as a Christian. This definitely felt like a DEATH! I really felt alone.

Looking up at a forest of trees

I know something about death as I had lost my child in an accident several years before. That is extreme pain that can NOT be expressed in words. But the divorce was in many ways similar to that huge loss! It was a DEATH. It was the death of a dream of enjoying life with a wonderful partner. It was the death of a unified family. It was the death of the old me. In one way divorce is harder than an actual death. You still in many cases have to continue to relate to the other person. It seems you can never be done with divorce. You will see your ex and have to talk to them and share kids and perhaps even grandkids. You will hear of his new marriage and perhaps see his new wife move into the house you once cooked in and put your little ones to sleep in. Divorce is so very difficult and it feels like a Death!

Here is a hug to those of you going through a difficult marriage. Hang in there. It feels impossibly hard because it is.

Sort:  

Congratulations @sungal! You received a personal award!

Happy Birthday! - You are on the Steem blockchain for 1 year!

You can view your badges on your Steem Board and compare to others on the Steem Ranking

Vote for @Steemitboard as a witness to get one more award and increased upvotes!

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.36
TRX 0.12
JST 0.039
BTC 70223.87
ETH 3561.28
USDT 1.00
SBD 4.73