Alice in Wonderland - coming out of the closet

---

I'm coming out.

I am a closeted musician, singer/song writer.

There, I said it.
This part of me has always been alive in me. And I thought I needed to make a choice, and turn my focus one way only, that is if I want to create expansion in that area and I do want to express myself through music as a musical vesel, chanel, creator. And this is a point where I used to get stuck.

And to understand the predicament my mind was experiencing I will let you see into it with this example from my life. Being and Becoming. Formless and Form. From the field of all opportunity to choose one form, to express myself. I used to equate that with limiting my experience. I'm one who avoids labels, as a self realised being, I am part of All That Is, having that experiential feeling of intrinsic Oneness within All that is. I often walk around dwelling in Oneness with Source. It feels holy, wholesome, home, bliss, unconditional love, divine ecstasy. And I still have a body. And the body is on the ongoing integration journey. My natural tendency to be free and label free said that having a restrictive label would be just another form of identity and attachment to it. So I dropped all labels, not to limit my experience in this physical realm :D. And for a long while, in fact even now, for example, my instagram description has no identity tags such as a singer/songwriter/i don't know what/because i haven't practiced/using labels. And now I find myself returning back to the body, and getting more grounded into it and learning to play at full embodied capacity. Does that mean returning to naming roles I get to play?

So I had a mind blowing realisation. It doesn't have to be mind blowing to anyone else though, it was mind blowing to me :D. So I realised that limits open up space for creativity! I always thought that I needed boundless freedom to express my creativity, not noticing yet (because we access retrospect later) that having limits of any sort, can also be helpful and serve us by opening up space for creativity to express itself creatively around the limitation. Like chords in a song that create a certain type of a limit or a guideline for a singer to sing a melody that would look like dancing notes of harmony around the existing chords of a guitar let's say. (Are you still with me? :).. to having limited time to be creative and then if you allow it to happen when a creative impulse comes up, you create space for it to reveal and create itself. It could be experienced as finding time in unusual places like writing a poem on your phone whilst having bowel movements in a toilet...you get the picture. creative. limits open up space for creativity to emerge creatively in your life. The key is to allow it to emerge.

Can you see how realising that limits are like space holders for creativity to emerge immediately reflects on my previous experience of avoiding giving labels.. So if limits open up space to creatively create, then labels must open up space to creatively create in that newly opened up space... wow. So does it mean I will now start using words that I used to call labels? In reference to my all that is self that can not be constricted just to one word. IIIIIIIII seeeeee…… life is showing me a teaching here. Humility. I come back in to the form willingly to be all I can be. First invoking a word and then it turns into a creative expression of life as me and through me, fully in the game of life, willingly. With humility receive these words, In the beginning there was a word and the word was God. The word was with God. First you have to speak it and then it is realised in form. And so I came here to embody the all possibility that I is into a one of a kind life experience, my experience, acronyms for me. M(y)E(xperience). The old me that used to feel inferior to labeling myself because it would have felt like infringement on my freedom self, yet this time somewhat deep stillness was in me. In my current reality I am aware that first I speak a word, the word being a code to creative expressions around it, and then an open space is created for me to creatively express myself around it.

So although I am a newly self-confessed musician, singer/songwriter, musical vesel, chanel, I also am a mystic, spiritual teacher and a spiritual catalyst ...(with medium sized impostor syndrome).

just writing these words stirs up a thought in me "who do you think you are to claim these roles?" which I say "thank you" to it, "thank you for sharing, I know you are only trying to protect me, thank you, I love you."

Interestingly enough that voice suddenly relaxed and got still. Whatever the mind is saying, I don't have to believe that, mind is just trying to figure out what's happening, and is offering different thoughts, "is it this, is this what is happening?" But it's you, it's me, it’s all of us individually, we have a choice how to respond to thoughts. Treat your mind with respect. When the mind offers a thought "and who do you think you are?" all it wants from you is your loving attention, you don't need to answer that question, you can just say thank you, I love you. And it is resolved.

Continuing the innersation I was having with myself here publically about what seems like two different streams of interest, music and mysticism/spirituality. Where I felt torn to make a choice. I felt I had to choose one direction in order to be good at it, add value to society which is full of perfect illustrations and having amples of examples how to achieve what you want:

You have to have a Goal

You have to knuckle down,

Sprinkle some manifestation techniques

And shake it all about

And off you go, a modern recipe for success. More or less.

And so I acquired a belief that I can only be successful if I finally make a choice between my “so many interests and natural talents and skills…” yet I found so much joy experiencing life force flowing through these various mediums, so choosing one felt incomplete and difficult.

I lived in the state of unity I just haven’t found yet a Code Word that would open up a space for creative arrangements of form to emerge. A word that could encompass it all together. For chopping off one of those special flowers, gifts I was gifted with, didn’t feel right. My being wanted and wants to be all that it is, the different colours of the rainbow coming together to be the Light. My various gifts needs to live, I feel it’s my turn to release my gifts back into the world, for the benefit of all beings.

My soul, I, have always been my own Mystic, directly communing with the Source. I also am Music. I am Dance. I am a Creator with mediums like words, music, visuals, movement. Music. Movement. Mystic.

As I am writing this now, a new combination of words emerged. Music Mystic. The two words that encompass so much of where my essence likes to dance. Guys, this is a realisation for me. Me coming out of the closet, here on steemit, dtube. From a label free being, floating around as a pool of all possibility, yet not committing to any “label” and consequentialy not experiencing desired expansion in a not yet chosen field.. To me starting to share my creative offerings here on steemit, using all different forms of medium, to express the multimedium ways of expressing myself. I feel this is a start of a new era for me. Where my collaborative field of joyous self expressions through form can be shared, gifted as creative offerings offered with an intention to anchor light, to create value and may it is for the benefit of all beings. A new chapter. Music Mystic. With reverence and gratitude for your being, may you be blessed fellow heartlink. We are in this journey together. Thank you for your existence.

And to bring you deeper into the crevices of my mind, then I notice that in fact there are more streams of deep joy for me than the aforementioned music and mysticism. There’s more forms that when engaged deeply open up the doorway to experience altered states of consciousness. Deep sense of reverence, gratitude, love, joy, ecstasy, naturally available, naturally occuring possibility within ourselves, within our bodies.. just to share another highway to heaven.
Dance. Dance is another highway to heaven. For me. I could even go as far as saying dancing (singing/meditation/drawing...etc) when engaged deeply, is a form of communion with Source, an intense way to embody and anchor the light by having what I coined as Dancegasm. Have you ever experienced a deep natural ecstasy that arises when you get “lost” in the dance. A place where no Self is left, you are a pure dance itself, body just flows where the music directs it.. So many joyous streams of self expression..

As I was writing this an inspiration to sing came over me, so I recorded what was coming into being, the previous few lines turned into lyrics.. Stay tuned for a little follow up video with a rough draft of what sounds like a song potentially :)

And I thought this is gonna be a short post about the music video… :D

I am embracing the multifaceted expressions of self through word, through music and with this video I am coming out as a musical being, you will see me out there deep in the creative flow, raw, uncensored body movement :D, channeling the music that came through me during a jam session. Ladies and Gentlemen meet Alice in Wonderland! A story told unlike ever before...

Excuse the video/audio quality, it was a spontaneous burst of creativity with no prior prep

May all of you who read this post and watch the video, perhaps even resteemed it, and those who scrolled past it till another time.. :) may you be blessed with goodness in your life, may you be blessed with light. May all be blessed with light.

Music Mystic

---

▶️ DTube
▶️ IPFS