Why is the grass always greener on the other side?
Nothing demonstrates this strange but true human quirk more than when I trade cryptocurrency. I don't know if it's just me, but the moment I buy any cryptocurrency I suddenly get the feeling that it is going to go down and I made a bad choice.. That feeling is strong enough that many times I reverse the decision and sell it, only to suddenly feel like I was again wrong and actually it is going to go up.. It is like a mind game that I am playing and it can be so frustrating. Am I mad, or do any of you have the same experience?! In life things are no different, and I can think of so many examples where things only seem better when I don't have them!
Before I delve into the reasons why this may be I would look to share a few more example of how I am an expert at torturing myself with my thinking and doubts. My mum always use to pinch food from my plate when I ate. She would say it tasted better from my plate! How many times have I eaten at a restaurant with friends and ordered what I really like, only to jealously eye up my friends dish which always would like much nicer than mine?
I built a huge fantastic Earthship, and it is fair to say it is a beautiful, even stunning home.. and yet when I visit my friend who lives in an unfinished mud shack with no power or furniture and I like it more than mine and start thinking how cozy it is and easy it is to clean and maintain!
As a kid I used to dream of living in the USA, and was always in love with their sweet / candy options, in particular the watermelon bubblegum which we couldn't buy in the UK. One day at school someone in the playground had just returned from America and had several packets of watermelon bubblegum, and I still remember how envious and desireful I was of this precious sweet. I wanted SO much to have one, but he didn't share them as he only had a few left, and I was drooling at the chance to have it.. Then one day my American cousins visited us, and asked if there was anything I wanted, to which I obviously replied YES please bring me watermelon bubblegum! They arrived with many packets of it, as well as other flavors, and I was so excited! Then no sooner had I put it in my bag, when the bubblegum seemed far less desirable and much less exciting. Sure it tasted good, but it seemed SO much more desirable when my friend had it than when I did.
Finally, a beautiful example of the grass always being greener on the other side has been my continued movements between India and Holland over the past four years. When I am in India i am so desireful of shopping for food in the amazing Albert Heijn supermarket. They have everything, and the thought of being able to browse and buy all my favorite foods gets me all excited. Then I arrive some weeks or months later and that feeling vanishes, only to be replaced with taking it all for granted within about 2 days, and suddenly I am missing my messy, cozy Indian shop which has all my favorite spices and Indian foods like good Chutney and masala dosa mix..
Oh dear, what is wrong with me?! Why is it like this? Am I alone in this experience, or are we all crazy? Let's take a look shall we and see if I can find some clues and maybe find a way to appreciate what I have, when I have it! How wonderful would that be!?
FOMO! Fear Of Missing Out.
Are you content with your life? Do you live life comparing what you have with others? How hard is it to see others who may have more than you and wish you also had the same? Could it be that when we look at others we just see the positive things and not the downsides? Our vision is clouded by a feeling of discontent, and in my case a feeling that I may be missing out. I am a cat, everything about me is cat like.. and my curiosity is no less. Once I have something it becomes instantly less desirable because there is no mystery left. I know what it looks like, tastes like, feels like to have it.. and the fun is gone! It is much more exciting to imagine that the thing I don't have could be way better, and that desire of always wanting more, and wanting better things never seems to get fulfilled. I think my fear of missing out may be one big piece of the puzzle that drives me to always look for something that I don't' have. Now, why can't I first at least appreciate what I have to it's maximum extend before I desire more? I think I am an extreme example of this, but I know that many of us have this at least to some extent. The fear of missing out is something that drives me to impulsively jump onto new ideas and desires, because once you miss out you can never have it back! The idea of missing something forever is for me a kind of torture... only us cats will really understand this.. There are many people who are quite prepared to miss out, and to them I take my hat off!
To those of you who know exactly what I am saying, and also struggle with the theme, I would like to see I can offer some advice and ways in which we might be able to at least improve the situation. I will also be taking my own advice, because lately I have honestly been driving myself crazy due to my terrible cryptocurrency trading.. as a result of always doubting my choices an decisions. Why do I doubt myself just one minute after I am sure I have made a good move? Why do I trust someone else's decisions over my own? Am I just a bad decision maker, and would do better copying others, or do I just need to have a little more faith in myself?
Appreciating what we have!
My best advice to myself would be to stop thinking and start appreciating! I realise as I write this that IF I were to take some time to really sit with what I have, and really appreciate it.. take the time to see all the positive aspects of it, I would probably not be even thinking about what someone else has or how good that might be to have. I remember a few years ago eating a lovely salmon dish in a very nice restaurant in Madurai, India.. and a German lady had this burger from heaven delivered to her table. I;d love to have seen the look on my face, because she looked up at me and said "Have you got Burger Envy!?".. I laughed, and it was so true! My perfectly cooked salmon looked SO boring compared to her perfect burger on a soft sesame bun that I almost wanted to ask her to swap. Now if the tables were turned, how would that have gone. I know for sure,.. I would have looked at her salmon and thought how tasty it looked, and how brown and boring a burger really is. SO how could I have changed this experience? I think for sure if I would have been looking at my own plate rather than hers I would have had nothing to complain about.. and had I not even noticed her plate I would have just eaten and enjoyed mine so much more! I just needed to take the time to appreciated the salmon because it was cooked perfectly well, and was much healthier than the burger for me.. If I made a conscious choice and knew what I wanted, and that it was good for me, then I would truly appreciate it.
Stop Comparing
It's only when we compare what we have to what we think others have that we start to see greener pastures elsewhere! Nobody's lives are perfect, and we have to realise that we are usually looking with a biased mindset when we start doing so. The person who has that really nice car may well be looking at you in regret because they got into too much debt to buy it, and are stuck with huge insurance and petrol bills.. And the novelty of driving it had long worn off. It is not really fair to compare our lives to anyone else's, nothing is as it seems. Anyone with a LOT of money will know the envy they feel for people with true authentic friends.. They may feel that if ONLY they were also born into a family with less money they would have far less duties and responsibilities.. They would be able to do whatever they wanted, without family pressures and constant tensions. Oh if ONLY i was free to just do what I want every day! Instead, if we just focus on what we do have, and stop comparing I am sure this will help us to feel much more fulfilled with what we do have.
We are programmed to be like this!
Perhaps we are just programmed in this way, because it is our desire to know and experience the unknown that leads us to new experiences and journeys If we were utterly content with a burger we would only ever order the burger and never try anything else! So perhaps to some extent we are programmed by our DNA to want what we don't have, so that we can spread out and discover new things and places. That makes a lot of sense to me, and would explain why the grass always looks greener on the other side. So to some extent I guess we just have to accept our human tendencies, and even laugh at them. It is funny really to witness how our minds play games with us, and if we can just take a step back we may be able to get some comfort in that knowing.
Make life a WIN-WIN situation!
This is a great trick that I have learned to play on myself, because that way I can have the best of both worlds. Take trading for example! I am always SO tempted to buy 100% of my cryptocurrency because I say to myself that it will surely go up and how could I live with myself if I missed out on half of it? That leads so to much tension, because I am all in and then very concerned that I will lose out if it goes down. If on the other hand i buy 50% I am suddenly in a win-win.. I'm happy if it goes up, and also happy if it goes down as I can buy more at a better price. Sometimes we need to trick ourselves in order to pacify our human quirks. There are so many other choices we can make to ensure that we will be happy whatever the outcome, it just takes a little thought and imagination for us to figure them out. This way of living is probably not the best solution to be honest, but for hopeless cases like myself it is the best solution to tempering ourselves and finding balance.
Affirmations & Acceptance
Everything is perfectly perfect just the way it is! That is what Louise Hay taught me, and that affirmation is one that I always remind myself of when I really am struggling with life or my situation. We do not always know the reasons why things are, but if we can trust and just accept what is without know the reasons then life can be so much more enjoyable and relaxed. I have enough right now for what I really need! When we can just say that to ourselves 10 times, it really does help us to let it sink in. So let me present you with a few more affirmations in case you also could use some more balance in your thinking.
How wonderful is that! Just reading these once really does help! If you have never tried affirmations and do struggle with the feeling that everyone has more than you, or that you are not enough, or are doing things wrong then PLEASE try to repeat one or more of these 10 times every day. You will see how it really helps!
If you know what I am talking about, please do share with me in the comments so I know I am not alone and completely mad.. and together we can take comfort that the grass is perfectly green just where we are!
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I have the same pattern in buying crypto. I’ve trained myself not to look at my portfolio more than a few times a week. In general it’s easy to second guess oneself because it’s impossible to be perfect. I am working diligently at learning to focus more on what is than on what could be,but as you say, some level of focus on possibilities is natural and the key to our growth and learning.
Thanks for sharing what is going on inside of you. I think many of us recognise ourselve sin this. I think the main key is indeed appreciation. It has everything to do with being able to let things in. Being able to receive. A lot of us have received many unpleasant things during our lives and our willingness to open up got a bit rusty or at least less enthusiastic. But still we hunger. We hunger for fulfilment, but when we get the things we desire we can't really let them in. So because we only let them in half way, we only get half satisfied and thus we think we have to start searching for other options that might fulfil us fully. Not being aware that the chance of fulfilment is not in finding another object that does have the ability to fulfil us 100 % but in opening up 100%. Learning to be vulnerable again. xx
It does seem that humans always yearn for what they don’t have, it’s become hardwired in our DNA. A secret many don’t know is that positive self talk recodes DNA. Telling yourself you’re comfortable and your needs will be met at a appointed time when you’re ready to accept the gifts helps. Great post BTW.
Love your comment too!! Thank u for engaging!!
That's very true, you always feel there's something better than what you got in your share, but in the past few years I have stopped these comparisons and I feel happy with what is in my share, not only happy I do feel I have the best.
It's very human nature to be never satisfied, when we develop the attitude of gratitude I feel the battle is won.
Yea but still there are times when I slip out and then I consciously knock myself making me remind that what is there for me is the only thing meant for me and it cannot be any different.
This is a wonderful post Alex, thank you for sharing.
Thanks a lot, happy u stopped by! And well done for managing to be content and happy with what u have! That is no small thing!!’
Sometimes we see more value in the things we don't possess yet only discover that once we have them, it doesn't feel they hold the same value.
Covet is part of our nature that we have to learn how handle and manage it.
You said it! Exactemonto!
Haha you're not alone and mad, i understand you perfectly, i think im the mad one, because im worse, im very analytic in nature, infact i do analyse my breath before i take it, and im an introvert, so i have all the time in the world to talk to myself, which makes me end up missing out on enjoying the moment, and appreciating what i have, or can do. Thanks for this advice, i have picked up new things i need to change in my life, and these affirmations will surely help. Thanks
ooh phew! glad we understand each other ;-) thanks for the lovely comment
You are welcome, have a great day
When you're expressing yourself, i saw myself inside of your thinking.
Human being is like that! !!
At school i read a quotes
i do get in this situation that when i see the market going to my favor and i start trade, just after it start falling down. Once i thought thats my bad luck, but didn't notice that i also weak in trading, i have lack knowledge about market movement, poor analysis make my trade confused.
So i learned, that is not only luck, its my own fault reflection.
Great post! I often question whether it's part of the make up of this planet to feel that way. It's that drive of competition within us, something not only limited to the animal kingdom but also the plant world too. Except it often times feels a little bizarre the way we humans do it. Sometimes the curiosity inside us likes to explore the other side.
So yes you're not alone in feeling this way and I agree that when we take the time to fully appreciate what we have it can curb those feelings. Thank You for sharing this. ❤
Perfect!
In terms of websites, I've been going on from here to another writing site and back and I say, make the best of both worlds. Lol.
We just need more positivity in our minds indeed.