Ecotrain QOTW: Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

in #ecotrain6 years ago (edited)

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Love, love is what makes the world go around, isn’t it?

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Love, I have always struggled with love.

I was convinced from a young age that my parents didn’t love me. They seemed more concerned with their respective new partners and making sure that worked, then what was going on with me.

Nowadays, I’m sure they do love me, but they weren’t that verbal about from what I recall, either that, or I am just really awfully needy.

They gave me everything they could, but it always felt something was missing, or I was in the way and I have felt that hole for most of my adult life.

I met my ex-husband and I thought that was love at first sight. We met on a blind date and he was just the most awesome person I’d ever met.

Then I met his dog, that sealed the deal! I count Taz amongst the bestest friends I have known as we comforted each other when times were at their worst.

But, I don’t think I really experienced complete and utter love until my daughters were born and holding them in my arms.

That was the strongest feeling of love I felt. Then I knew what love should feel like...

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But there are different kinds of love too.

I have friends that I would walk to the ends of the earth for and I’m not particularly bothered whether they would do same for me, as my love of helping is often enough satisfaction, even though at times I leave myself in a position worse than them.

There is romantic love. That one, you might have guessed I’ve not got right. I am ever hopeful of a fanfare and the earth moving when I finally I meet the right person, but life doesn’t work like that.

I have loved, I have lost. I have betrayed, I have been betrayed. So yes, I think it is better to have loved, as it teaches you life lessons. Not sure which ones yet (but I come to a conclusion by the end of the post).

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Never trust anyone but yourself?

I’d love to say that, but my heart is on my sleeve and I can’t change that. It is part of me.

I have to, though as far as romantic relationships go though, as it's not just me to consider. I have to trust as far as my children are concerned too, which is difficult because of my own experiences with step parents. My step dad abused me and my step mum openly declared her hate for me being in the household when I moved to live my Dad.

I can’t put my children through that.

So it is better to have loved, to learn the life lessons that they entail.

Maybe the second time around you’ll get it right, maybe you won’t. You can't control other people and how they feel. People change and because of that love isn't always forever, or enough to keep you together.

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Alone After 'Love'...

I have not been ‘alone’ bar a few months here and there since I left for university. I was always ‘with’ someone and until recently the last 13 years of that was my husband.

I am lonely. The last 18 months have been really hard as I’m not used to it. I have my two children and they are beautiful and hard work, but that doesn’t always dispel the loneliness.

I don’t have a lot of real-life friends, as many I had fell by the wayside when I was married, because going out just caused too much tension and question and answer sessions and eventually friends stopped asking.

I have made a couple of good new friends, by going to self-improvement courses and stuff, but at the moment am trying to live independently on money earned from my resourcefulness, so most of my time is spent behind the computer screen, because it’s not quite all passive, quite yet.

I find it hard to make friends, as I really find it hard to small talk and fill in the gaps of silences and I end up not hearing everything that is said, as my brain is too busy trying to think what to say. I am a much better writer, then talker.

I have to thank Steemit as for a few months it was the perfect income solution and there is one particular person I have met on here who has helped me open my mind and kept me sane this last year.

They know who they are. I am grateful for having met them as without them I’d be a hermit crab, well and truly tucked up inside my shell.

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The Ultimate Lesson to Learn IMHO

My purpose on earth I feel is to help people, but am learning in order to do that the first person you need to love yourself.

The sooner that lesson is learnt, the sooner life becomes more manageable.

Maybe you don’t get to learn these lessons until you have experienced love and lost it, as it's not something that translates very well in teaching and theory.

So yes, is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

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It is always better to love than not to love, I agree with that. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us. You have experienced so much, loved and been loved so much. You still are loved and you still love and that is amazing.

beautiful post hopehuggs xx xx i think the love of our children is ultra megga special.. im still holdin out !!

I find it hard to make friends, as I really find it hard to small talk and fill in the gaps of silences

I had this problem some years ago... every conversation was going to fast for me to actually say anything, for my brain to actually develop an idea and connect to other people... what fixed it for me is not giving a fudge... I always say what i want, when i want to whoever i want... This got me happier and i got a lot of friends, most of the time i say stupid shit, but people know how i am, they know i am not serious most of the time!

The part about trusting well...I only trust myself, because mainly i can only depend on my own actions! human are flawed! At least if i try and fail, i can say that it was my own fault for failing!

But even though i only trust in myself, i got a couple of friends that i can almost almost trust completely... It's always good to know someone has my back!

I totally agree with you, it's better to learn from your experience than to not love at all and keeps wondering how it feels like....

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