Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Ecotrain's QOTW

in #ecotrain6 years ago (edited)

To love or not to love




The thing which immediately struck me as being funny about this question is that it implies that we have a choice.
Frankly my dear, I believe we don´t.
Unless you´re on the psychopath that is.

Because love is the ingredience of life without which we cannot survive. First we need to be loved in order to survive. This job is usually done by the most important being in our life, our mother.
If all goes well, this love will be enough to shepherd us through the valley of darkness for the rest of our life, because I guess this love will be as perfect, pure and unconditional as we will ever find, nothing compares to it.
And since we learn by imitation we love our mother back, this is the law of nature.

So I guess this question refers more to the kind of love we call romantic love, but also there I think we have no choice.
Even when it comes to love, the German language is quite prosaic, to fall in love is a plain sich verlieben, but in English you fall in love, in Quebecois you tomber en amour, in French there is some coup de coeur, so these phrases describe the suddenness and choicelessness of the falling in love process much better than the German one, you lose the ground under your feet and you fall.


The meh meh love song for the hippily inclined



I was forged in the relentless fires of love lost early on in life, when my mother died of a stroke at the age of 46 when I was 16. I was shell-shocked and a part of me died with her on that dreadful day and could never be recovered fully. They say that time heals everything but that´s not true, some pain never goes away fully.

Her mother, my grandmother, was also devastated, she kept saying that it is not right that a child passes away before its mother. But my mother got at least to the age of 46, what about the pain of a mother losing a young child?


My favorite broken heart repair song in the eighties




Later on in life, all those dramas of romantic love, the breakups, the unfulfilled, unanswered declarations of love, paled in comparison to the loss of my mom. I always told myself I have suffered the greatest loss in life early on in life, nothing can hurt me more than this, because frankly, you can get a new lover, you can make a new child, but you cannot bring back your mom.
This may sound harsh to parents and since I have no children of my own, I have not experienced this kind of love and cannot really imagine the pain parents must feel when a child dies, but I think my point here is just a more rational point of view, in sync with the laws of nature.


It is said that you can only truly call yourself an adult when your parents have died and you have children of your own, then you have lived through the cycle of love and loss, birth and death, you have experienced the most important stuff there is to experience in the human condition on a relationship level with other humans. So I probably will never really grow up, will never experience the love for a child, will remain incomplete on a certain energetic level because I have not contributed to the cycle of life, so in a way, I will not have lived fully.
But at least I have loved and lost a bit also, so also lived a bit and a bit is better than nothing at all.




@ecotrain


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You will start appreciating when you lost what you have

Tales are creature based short stories. Illustrations are human-based short stories.
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Yes Lovely to say but difficult to can do

Good reflections. Incidentally, it seems there is an omission in the headline: In particular, "...than ever to have loved..." the original says "never" -- thank you for this interesting topic.

Thanks.
Frankly, I copied and pasted it without much thinking from @riverflows, blindly assuming that she as a native speaker got the headline right. Can´t trust anybody! 😉

Lol... who copied and pasted it from someone else! Ahaha... it's like Chinese whispers with copy and paste!!!!!

And no one picked it up in my title lol... goes to show how carefully we read. Native speaking is one thing, proofreading is another.

I noticed you copied and paste but didn't comment on my post ... :( ...

Well, both actions are proof that I´m lazy 😉

beautiful post... loss Is a part of life.. and however hard, we ALL have to endure it sooner or later and learn to let go .. ive had plenty of opportunity to practice this as well!

I am sorry to hear about your Mom. Thats life! Full of surprises, but we need always to be strong and move on.

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@likedeeler
It is better to loose in love than to never love at all.
Motherly love is the purest of all love and is without any conditions or expectations.

Like you said, love is not a choice. It is one of the energy that drives the humanity. You must love something or someone at one point in your life.

I always told myself I have suffered the greatest loss in life early on in life, nothing can hurt me more than this, because frankly, you can get a new lover, you can make a new child, but you cannot bring back your mom.

I lost my sister two years ago and it's still by far the most painful experience for me. If anything can hurt that much I don't hope to experience it.
Another question worth asking:
Is it possible to love (romantically) two people or more at once. Some say it's not a possibility. Would like to hear your thoughts on that.

Sure, it´s possible to love more than one person at once, but in order for such polyamorous relationships to really work, meaning that all people in such a relationship are truly happy, there is an amount of maturity required which most people don´t even display in a "normal" relationship. For relationships to work, the people in it must come from a place of abundance and fulfillment, but usually people come from a place of lack and neediness, wanting the other person(s) to magically fulfill them and make them complete.

Have you ever wondered if maybe the reason you find yourself not committing enough to that circle of life is a hidden fear that if you have a child you don't want them to suffer the same feelings of loss as you did with your mother if something were to happen to you?

Gosh. I wondered this too.

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