I've done several posts now about the murder here in the village. Obviously it had a powerful effect on me. Interestingly enough, right before it happened I had written something for my other writing gig about camping/hiking solo as a woman as an empowering experience.

I did this some years ago, and it was actually part of a spiritual journey. I spent four days and four nights alone in the woods with no tent. I also didn't have food or water, but that's a whole other profound post all on its own, and you can search back through old posts if you'd like to read more about it. In this case I wanted to focus on how empowering it was to be a woman alone in the woods.

It's actually incredibly powerful. I was alone and totally able to care for and protect myself. Maybe that sounds silly. Perhaps it seems obvious a grown ass woman can do that. It's not. The world is scary for us, and as I've written, the media makes it worse. We aren't taught to handle wild animals. We are taught to call on men to take care of it. To be fair, boys aren't either, but they are assumed to be capable of handling whatever creature comes at them. Of course men are the greatest threat to women, so we are supposed to have men to protect us from the other men.

Does anyone else smell a scam here??!

Even before this murder, I was having a bit of adjustment to sleeping alone in a house. What's really crazy is that I'm not as nervous when my kids are here. Obviously they are no protection, so I can only assume it increases my confidence, probably because I know my mama bear instinct is really powerful. I do feel better having the dog here, though she's not really very much of a threat to anyone unless it's possible to be licked to death. I just trust her senses of smell and hearing more.

the fierce warrior tinkerbell

Anyway, it's really opened my eyes. I mean, why is this? Why do we feel so vulnerable as women? Are we really vulnerable? Are men that much stronger? Or perhaps that much more capable of violence? The times I have been overpowered were largely because I was silenced. I let myself be talked into/out of something. Now, I know I can talk! Loudly. And for a long time. In fact the older I get, the louder I get. I'm gonna be one of those badass nanas. Obviously talking usually doesn't help with a murder situation. In the end they did overpower her. There were three of them, and they were 16, 18, and 19. She was 67. I think this capacity for violence is a big thing though. Something like 85% of all murders are committed by men. That's an insane number. Men are terrifying, and that's what it boils down to I think. It's depressing.

Honestly, I know I can face most animals. When my older daughter's father and I split up, maybe a month after he left I was playing with the kids, and I went into my bedroom to use my bathroom. Right there beside the doorway between my bedroom and bathroom was a baby copperhead. It was about 2 feet long. For those from other places, yes, copperheads are poisonous. I'm not gonna lie. My first thought was, "honey, can you come get this?" But he was gone, and I had to manage. And I did just fine. I hate killing things. I never kill spiders. Ok, I love killing mosquitos and dr flies, but that's it. Anyway, I don't have the skills or confidence to capture snakes, so I killed him, and I did it all by myself. We have super intense predators here in Belize, and I think I could back my way out of most animal encounters. Even a jaguar won't fuck with you unless it's really hungry or you mess with its babies.

Men are a different story. I think the real question is how much of that capacity for violence is nature, and how much is nurture. I think men are genetically coded to be providers and protectors. That's many tens of thousands of years of history, but this wanton violence is, I think environmental. In any case it's an important question to ask.

But back to the central story here. I believe I have gained power and confidence by going alone into the wilderness. I stood in my own power and acknowledged that I can provide for myself as a free and sovereign being. I also feel empowered by being alone here in this house. I know there are young men close by who are in gangs, who are poor, who don't necessarily care for the white invasion of their community (I honestly can't blame them. I don't much care for white people either really). But I stand my ground and in my power. This is my home. I will provide for and protect myself and my children. I will no longer be beholden to any man for these things.

This is why it feels so good to regain our power by going solo, whether it's for a walk or camping or living alone. Reclaiming our space and our power is a crucial step. My sisters, it's time!

Much love, y’all!

As always, all pics are mine or pixabay unless otherwise noted.

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