Unschooling 101 Part III

In Part I and Part II of the Unschooling 101 series, we explored a few different aspects of freedom and some corrolary issues like trust and responsibility. In this last part, we will tie it up with a few different concepts, including giving children space, exposure to the world, and every home schooler’s favorite non-issue - socialization. If there is something you would like me to talk more in depth about or another issue you’d like me to cover, please mention it in the comments below, and I’ll let you know if I can do a post on that.

Time and Space

Giving children space is a multidimensional topic. Children need space and time alone, time without activities to think and process, and time and space with friends. This is an issue for children who go to school and children who home school/unschool. Obviously, children in school are not getting any time alone or time to think and process while they are at school. Add in activities after school, homework, and family time, and there’s little time for anything other than sleep. Even within the home school and unschool communities, there is a tendency to fill the days with a host of activities.

In our go, go, go, do, do, do culture, sitting and seemingly doing nothing is incredibly frowned upon. Yet, it is essential. We all need time to process what is happening in our lives. We need time alone with our thoughts. It’s how we figure out how to shift our lives, find better solutions, and come up with our most brilliant ideas. I’m almost certain this is why people say they come up with their most brilliant ideas in the shower. In home schooling families, we get very used to being close together a lot of the time. When your child reaches an age where they start to spend a lot of time alone in their room or outside, don’t take it personally. This space is very important, especially through the tween and teen years. Those expanding minds need to figure out how they feel about the world without your input all the time. And they don’t need tons of activities to be learning things.

Time with friends is also crucial. Oh, this is such a tough one in this day and age. Every parent is expected to hover over their children all the time, especially when other kids are involved. You’re supposed to prevent every fall and mediate every spat. Well, let me tell it to you straight. Hogwash. Kids need to play with each other and work some things out on their own. They need to learn to navigate and negotiate. These are incredibly useful skills and sorely lacking in the adult world! Older kids need to talk to their friends and hash out all the wild and crazy thoughts rolling through their brains. Trust comes up again here. If you have raised them openly and honestly and shared your values with them, there comes a point where you have to trust them to make good choices. And to sometimes make crappy choices but learn from that. I used to staff at a Sudbury school, and we had a system for dealing with rule violations, and it was so incredibly freeing. Any time a child came to me with “so and so was mean/hit/won’t play/stole/whatever”, I simply said, “Would you like me to help you write a complaint to the judicial committee?” Then it’s out of my hands. It was beautiful. At home, I regularly send my children away with petty disputes. “I love you very much. I am sorry you are sad. I’m not getting involved. You need to work it out with your brother/sister.”

Exposure to the world

Now, I have said it’s not good to have too many activities, but exposure to the world is incredibly helpful. It's all about balance. If there is an advantage to school, it is that children are exposed to others who have had very different lives from their own. Personally, my experience has taught me that this particular exposure is best in small doses. I think you can make an effort to ensure your children meet kids from different backgrounds through activities or travel or simply taking them to parks in other parts of town. If you are able to travel, I think there are few better experiences for exposing children to other cultures, religions, beliefs, etc. Not to mention the opportunites to learn about history, politics, architecture, ecosystems, and more. I like allowing my children to try a lot of different activities but one, maybe two at a time. I usually ask them to agree to stick with it for some predetermined, though usually relatively short, period of time. This way they learn how it feels to move through the challenging period of learning something new, but I’d never ask them to stick with something for more than a couple months if they didn't want to and not at all in bad circumstances.

Socialization: every homeschooler's favorite topic

Oh, the socialization thing. I felt like I could hardly write about unschooling and not cover it, but it’s such an absurd issue. For those of you new to the game and still fighting off the first wave of attacks from family and friends, let me help you out. For starters, I’ll share with you a story about my older daughter. My older son wanted to go to school at a certain point. Don’t ask me why. My daughter didn’t really want to go, but I couldn’t leave her alone while I worked, so off she went for a small portion of fourth grade, as well as fifth and sixth. This was probably the worst decision I ever made as a parent. Almost every single child she was exposed to was awful. They were rude, disrespectful, hateful, and shallow. She couldn’t fathom how they thought it ok to talk to teachers that way. She refused to conform to others’ ideas of fashion (she was especially disgusted by hair bows). She was horribly made fun of. And the teachers, oh the teachers. Several openly discussed corporal punishment of their own children with students. Almost all of them ignored egregious bullying and teasing. It’s wise to ask what kind of socialization you want your child to have. They are also only exposed to other children of the same age. All this to say it’s not even socialization really. Aren’t they supposed to not be socializing? Aren’t they supposed to be quiet all day? And as discussed above, with school and homework, there’s little time for anything else.

In my experiences of home schooling and unschooling, my children are often going with me in a variety of different situations. In fact, I have had a number of jobs where they were allowed to come with me. In my work with elders and people with disabilities, they often accompanied me. When I owned my own cloth diaper service, they almost always came on deliveries. Of course they regularly come with me to the store and on errands. Then they have their activities, the park, and our travels. In all these things, they meet and interact with people of a variety of ages. They know how to play with small babies. They know how to play with older children. They know when to ask for help. They know how to speak respectfully to people of all ages. In particular when they are little, I am close by to help them as they learn to navigate these waters.

That’s our introduction to unschooling. As I mentioned above, please feel free to ask questions or suggest topics of discussion. I know when I first began this journey I was grateful to all those around me who had years of experience under there belts. Let my errors be a gift to you!!

As always, all pics are mine or pixabay.

I’m a passenger on the @ecotrain, as well as a member of @teamgirlpowa and @steemmamas. All three are worth taking a look at, and all three are on discord.