"I have found out some troubling info about my husband's past. Should I divorce him?"

in #esoteric5 years ago

Nomad,

I am 32 years old and got married last year. After four months of my marriage, I found out that my husband had had a girlfriend before we were married and that they had a sexual relationship for about a year. I confronted him and he admitted it. I was badly shocked and sank into depression for months. Although I could not forgive him I somehow moved on.

Last month I found to my horror that my husband had even had a sexual relationship with his ex-girlfriend's elder sister. This elder sister keeps sending him SMSs, very often calls him and keeps disturbing us. My husband promised me that he would not take her calls or reply to her SMSs and has kept his word.

But my problem is that I cannot come to terms with his past. I was brought up in a good Christian family and one of my greatest desires was to get married to a man who was morally pure, but this hope was dashed after I discovered all this, and in particular after I got married. My husband said that he did not tell me about his past for fear of losing me. I respect him for being honest with me but I cannot go on like this. So I am thinking of divorcing him because his past keeps haunting me and many a night I could not sleep. I have also become suicidal. So should I divorce him? What should I do?

Thanking you.


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Credit: colossal

Your question, although unique to you, is asked on behalf of many who find themselves in between two worlds, battling with indoctrination that accompanied them since their childhood in the face of their soul's desires.

I will elaborate on that but first, let it be clear that I will not tell you what to do because you will know for yourself based on your own knowing and inner wisdom. I will, however, show you some of the reasons that caused you to reach such a situation in your life and the bigger picture that lies behind what can be seen for the moment.

The world is changing. In your parents’ generation, people wanted to satisfy their basic human needs. They wanted to survive, to be healthy, to get married well, to have a nice home, raise a family, have a good career, age gracefully and feel content with their limited achievements. Nowadays the focus has moved from the level of personality to that of the soul. It means that the things that you considered precious and desirable when you were young mean nothing to your soul and are therefore pushed aside. This is not forced on you but was chosen by you, probably unconsciously, for this lifetime. Your soul wants to learn about creation, about sovereignty, about inner strengths, about unconditional love, and compassion and duality, and much more; all that I term True-Love.

But it is not easy and you may well ask “why do I need to experience horror, pain, and shock to learn about these things”? The answer is simple – you had to be shaken up and startled in order to make you examine your beliefs and perspectives about life.

Let me address just a few of your current limiting beliefs that are not appropriate for the person you choose to develop into.

  • You believe that the past has an effect on your life in the present.

  • You believe that your feelings and mental situation have a compelling power over your soul.

  • You believe that physical sex is more important to the relationship than verbal, emotional and mental communication (not to mention spiritual communication).

Now, I am not judging those beliefs. You are respected and honored for them. In fact, you could not be the wonderful person you are now if not for those beliefs that have governed your upbringing and in a way have protected you from inappropriate diversions. However, it is good now to examine any untimely perspective that you have.

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Credit: colossal

Your soul cares only about you.

It wants you to learn to live in the now moment. It wants you to learn to see beyond duality and the illusion of this reality. It wants you to disconnect from your parents’ worldviews that were relevant to their world and to adopt your own ones. It wants you to leave any mass-consciousness's doctrine that has told you what to think up to now (like your religion) and begin to be sovereign, on your own.

In this respect you may want to consider the following:

  1. If my husband really loves me now, and is fully faithful to me now, and if he is honest and sharing with me now, does it really matter what he did in the past? Is the person he is now the same person he was a year ago? Am I the same person?

  2. Why was he afraid to tell me the truth before? Was he afraid I would judge him and then leave him? Should I really judge my spouse if I love him unconditionally?

  3. Compassion is the ability to accept everything that happens in our life, including those things that relate to our loved one. Have I been compassionate to my spouse?

It is not easy, though, and your emotional and physical pain is understood. Divorce is an easy way out because then you leave the immediate environment of those who hurt you. At times divorce is inevitable and it helps you feel free and begin a new life. What hurt you, however, was not really your husband and his deeds but your old ways of thinking that simply want now to go away; to make room for a grander truth about love, about who you are and about relationships.

Who can guarantee to you that your next relationship will not challenge you again with even harsher situations? no one! Because once you asked for a change, for growth, for a major development in your life, you are destined to receive it. This gift of love from your soul-level will always come back to you even if you reject it now. Perhaps now is the best time for you to use this situation and address the changes that come on you.

You are a strong individual, you were well brought-up and you are fortunate enough to have a supporting group of relatives and friends to back you up on everything you choose to do. In a way, you are their emissary. They look at your situation with awe to see how you handle it. You will be their example to learn from, for their own well being and progress in their lives. You are the pioneer that now faces the frontier with the new world. Will you do the inner work? Will you do the self-examination that is so needed? Will you clear your energetic field from any old debris that is no longer needed?

Good luck!


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If my gf would make an issue out of a situation like this, I will finish it before she could finish her story.

Maybe all she needs is an explanation from you. Wouldn't it be pity to end a relationship like that? I wouldn't know, just saying.

No explanation needed after this kind of thinking ;-)

I can't even manage to read through all of this, because it's so upsetting. Marriage is a promise to be together for better or worse...and they can't even get over something they found out about their past...

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In this situation, all a person could do is to analyze the situation carefully and practically. She should know a few answers before taking any strong decision:
Does she loves her husband?
Does he loves her?
Had he been in a relationship even after marriage?
Could she trust him?
If they forget about the past, could they live happily?
If you have these answers, then you should consider this situation as a bad phase and then make your decision accordingly.

A person like this without morality won't do the same thing despite being in a marriage now- no one can guarantee it. I also believe in second chance but third or fourth one. Difficult life situation indeed.

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Great work @nomad-magus. Thanks for sharing and great job curating again @goldendawne.

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