COMEDY OPENMIC ROUND 1 | Love like an Ice, Dream like a Storm!

I was nominated by @warpedpoetic to join this challenge/contest. I don't know which round it is, but for me, it is the first, so I put Round 1.

You know, it's funny, but I used to write Klingon love poetry...

Well related to the love or not, I think that an every relationship requires a certain dosage of tolerance, blindness, deafness, and muteness. The world is a much better place in that way. There are the certain situations when you ask yourself, did you chose a right person for yourself. Is he/she that perfect one? Because, there are sometimes the things that don't fit. Well, everybody has a perfect fit, more or less, but I tend to believe it is more, just if you look for that person and make some effort.

So, off with my story.

When I met my personal Superman I asked all the right things and I also gave all the right answers.

One of my correct questions was 'What mobile brand is your favorite?' and one of the correct answers I gave was 'I hate holding hands'.

He loved every single thing about me, I tolerated every nonsense he said.

We were instantly signing a deal.
Less than 24 hours later we agree to marry as soon as possible, lay our own spawn - coughs* - I mean to have the kids, and live happily ever after in our mutual sugar-coated, socially inept and emotionally blank aromantic fantastical Forever.

I moved to his premises immediately after dislodging his roommate and coupling him with my roomie. It was pre-planned and it was with the prejudice. Some things in life are not manipulation -free, the self-interest is one of them.

Anyways, they hated each other, they broke up, fast forward, back to Me.

So, even after a few days, I still had no idea how perfect me and my new victim - coughs* - a love interest- are for each other. How wonderfully fitted together. We were both floating on a pink cloud all lovey-dovey, completely ambivalent and ignorant about everything, including all the people who wished to kill us.

I noticed that I was sleeping like a baby, I was waking up all rested and feeling wonderful, but I thought it is a combined result of the personal happiness, hormones and the fact I finally found a compatible person who hates the Valentine as much as I do, or even more.

One morning in the community part of our nut-coop ( I mean a company rented facility) , where we all used to have a breakfast, I was having my usual after-midnight cup of coffee, while some wild girls were coming from a town's festival.

They all sat around the table, even when chairs were missing... and asked as usual how my working day consisting of almost 3 shifts in one pop went by.

You know, I could excuse their lack of proper etiquette because they were young and sauced, but when you are asking that to a cocktail bartender, you actually have to bend far at the floor and pass the question to the feet.

If a day was good, I couldn't feel my legs all the way to my waist and that time my day was exceptionally well plastered with foreign currency which my legs confirmed; I couldn't bloody feel a thing up to my chin.

So, one of the girls asked me, how on the Earth I can sleep next to That. I asked her, what That? What happened?

She said that my then-hubby-to-be snores so bad, that the whole staff lives in the constant fear of the walls falling down during the night.
She said - he is so loud that paintings on the walls in the local gallery two miles away are losing color and birds miles away shed feathers. He snores so bad that they fear he could actually wake up the dead or disintegrate the building.

Aw, I don't hear a thing. - I replied innocently, but they told me that I am probably either over-protective or I am stone deaf.

Well, I said and I lied - I might hear a bit of it for the first five days or so...

The thing is that I don't hear the snoring, because I can't. The reason I can't is pretty much ... well... weird, but scientifically explainable.

When I was a small child I was spending much of my time with my parents who were fishing daily. The loud sound of the ship's engine became my lullaby and whenever I sm exposed to loud sounds, I sleep like a baby.

I think that the only sound that is louder or even equal to my husband's thundering snoring is an actual thunderstorm. That is a reason why I don't really hear the thunders.

If I ever fail to departure before the final gong and stay behind all sad and widowed, ' Snores like a storm' will be my preference in finding new Me-love.

Anyways, after a month of waiting which I measured in seconds my hubby finally registered me on his name - coughs* - I mean, we married.

My peaceful sound sleep was no more a problem. Whenever I have an issue putting my eyelids down, or in case my hubby forget to switch on the ambient music, I just need to shake him a bit to make him start.

Aw, my perfect little music box...

Image Source