A Meditation on Suicide (& how it affects us all)

---

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.
–Henry David Thoreau

---

Because we are social animals, we take cues from one another on how to live. Instead of following the examples of sages, we often look to celebrities for tips, small and large, in the art of living: what to eat, what to wear, where to travel, etc... If it’s good enough for them, it must be great for us (also, perhaps, some of their glamor and good fortune might rub off on us, in the process).

Which is why, when one of our idols, the rich and famous, decides to take their lives, we feel wounded and betrayed. One one level, as humans, there is an unspoken pact that we agree to continue to live, despite all the suffering.

Pain, by its nature, is private and quite often difficult to fathom or communicate, even those dearest. Bourdain, for example, had a successful career, appeared in good spirits, with a daughter, a girlfriend and it looked like he was in good shape, otherwise, practicing martial arts, etc... Who knows, at what point, the inner demons have the upper hand and an apparently charmed life ceases to be enough.

We do not always get what we want in life, or become who we hoped to and, generally, suffer afflictions of mind and body, in addition to the loss of loved ones as well as various hardships throughout our years. Such is life.

Yet, whether you are religious or not, the general understanding is that life is a gift and duty; it’s not ours to take. In turn, I was not too surprised to learn that following high profile suicides (such as, recently, Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain) there is, according to studies, a spike in suicides.

Presumably, the reasoning is if those that we look up to, whom life has favored with privileges and power, could not persist/see life as worth it, what chance do we stand? What’s more, I also learned (somewhat, surprisingly) that suicides have increased in the US, just in the past year alone, by a staggering 25%!

Because we are all connected, and susceptible to the pressures of modern life, this is disturbing news. As one of Bourdain’s countless admirers memorably wrote after his passing: Suicide does not end the pain, it transfers it to the living. Of course, these are not new considerations, and Shakespeare’s justly famous soliloquy upon this existential quandary can hardly be improved upon:

(from Hamlet, spoken by Hamlet)
To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die—to sleep,
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream—ay, there's the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause—there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th'oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of dispriz'd love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th'unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovere'd country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.

Images: 1, 2

Wishing you love, compassion and endurance 🙏🏼