My Sister (NSFW)

My sister has been raised completely differently than I was. My mom made it very clear to me that I didn't belong in her life or in her perfect little replacement family that she made with my step dad and my little sister. She made it more clear every day growing up and she has set it in cement since I have been an adult. So she grew up and had a baby at 19 and my mother still waits on her hand and foot. My sister can't ever possibly be in the wrong for anything she ever does. Well, this bothers me. For many reasons it is something that I will never get over or approve of.

My sister was never punished growing up even when she was hauled home in handcuffs for stealing the 3 dozen eggs that my mother had in the fridge and egging the house of one of the kids she was maliciously bullying in school. She was raised as though she walked on water and was born royalty. This has created a monster. She has now gone completely off the deep end and my nephew is suffering for it. This all started about 2 weeks after my nephew was born.

When my nephew was 11 days old I got a call from my sister. She was bawling and asking me if I would come and get the baby. She had decided to do a line of cocaine with him in her arms and then felt guilty for it after she did it. She didn't think anything was wrong with it until after she was high and the paranoia had kicked in. I had him for 18 days straight. She promised me that when she came and picked him up she was sober and she would never do any of that again. It turns out that that promise was completely empty. My nephew came back to be 3 days later under much the same circumstances. He got to the point where he was so attached to me that when I wasn't around he would scream and be completely inconsolable. I would get calls from her and my mother at all hours of the day and night to come and get him and take him home with me because he would just instantly relax and go to sleep as soon as I picked him up. This continued on for the next 7 or 8 months.

At this point she gets a job and has the baby in daycare and seems like she might actually be sober this time. She ended up losing her job less than 6 weeks after getting it because she showed up to work high and then didn't go to work for a week after that. She then began leaving my nephew with whomever she could get to keep him so she could go get high and drunk. She also started taking him to these parties where she was getting high and drunk and then she would call me at 3 in the morning to come and get the baby and then I wouldn't hear from her for a week. She would tell my mother that she had the baby and that she was just staying with a friend so I wouldn't hear from my mother about it either. That all went to shit when she called and invited us all to dinner one night and I showed up with the baby thinking she knew that I had had him for the last 8 days. But, it didn't all blow back on my sister. It all blew back on me because I was supposed to be able to read my mother's mind and find out that she didn't know that I had the baby even though she hadn't bothered to tell me that she was concerned about my sister. Nor did she even call to see how I was doing or how things were going for me which would have resulted in her finding out that I had the baby.

So this all continues on and I find out that not only is my sister doing blow she is also on heroin and she is drinking herself stupid all the time. She refuses to get a job because that takes time away from her being able to do drugs and get drunk. She also refuses to take care of her kid because it would interfere with her having fun and selling her body to get more drugs and alcohol.

In June of 2017 she decided to marry her drug dealer so she could have all the drugs that she wanted. This spiraled into him abusing and raping her and it got really bad. I would have to go pick up my nephew almost every night and keep him so that he was in a safe place. She was doing more drugs and getting more drunk then ever before just to avoid the reality of what she had created for herself. On July 9th she decided it was all too much and attempted suicide. She had gone that day and filled all of her prescriptions and then he had gotten a hold of her and taken her back to his house and wouldn't let her leave. She called me to pick up the baby again and then about 2 hours later she called again and had my husband meet her and pick her up and bring her to my house. She then lost it and made me take her to my mom's house. She had said some things that made me suspicious about what she planned on doing. I told my mom not to leave her alone. She didn't take that seriously. She ended up taking the entirety of all 4 of her prescriptions. My mom figured it out after the third time that I told her to go and check on her. She called the ambulance and I proceeded to spend the next 14 hours at the hospital by myself waiting to see if she was ever going to wake up. She put herself into a coma for the next 4 days. She didn't even start to open her eyes or move her fingers for the 4 days and it took her another 3 or 4 days for her to be stable enough to go the mental hospital. They didn't take her condition seriously and sent her home after 3 days. We didn't even know that she was being let out of the facility until after she was back and she showed up at my mom's house with her husband. The shit continued from there and she tried to cover the fact that she was back on all of the drugs that she had been on before everything happened. It took less than 6 weeks for her to admit that she was doing them again and give me back my nephew.

She finally seemed after a while that she was going to move on from all of the stupid stuff and get her life on track and got another job and found a new boyfriend that didn't do drugs and had a good job. She was doing well and then she decided that it was more important to get high than to keep her good boyfriend and everything that they were planning. She threw away what could have possibly been the best thing that had ever happened to her. I will never understand any of it. I will never understand her tendency to not do what she is supposed to do. I will never understand how she can continuously choose drugs over her child and being a productive adult. I will never get it.

Bring yourself around to this March. She had gotten herself her own apartment and was working and was making it work. My mom finally had her house back and everything seemed to be alright for the most part. Then she calls me and she is high again but she decided to get into the car and start driving my nephew around while she was high. She brought him to me and disappeared again for 2 days. The shit hit the fan more and more over the next 2 months and then on Mother's Day she decided to steal my mom's whole bottle of tylenol PM and her brand new prescription of Xanax and take them all. I got woken up to go to the hospital with her again. When we got there she was awake. That was probably not the best thing. I probably should've waited another hour and then went up there as she would've already been asleep. When I got there and she was awake I couldn't help but ask why she did this to all of us again. Her answer was because she could and none of us, including my nephew, mattered. I wanted to rip the IV out of her arm and strangle her with it. I am so over her shit. I want to hand her a loaded gun and tell her to just get it over with already. I want to spit in her face and walk away. I am so tired of her pulling her shit because she doesn't want to be a mom and she isn't getting all of the attention that she feels like she is entitled to. I am so angry at her I could scream. If she did kill herself, at this point it would be a relief. I just want to be done with the bullshit that she causes. I want my nephew to grow up and be able to be a normal person and have a stable home to grow up in. I wish she would just get it over with already.

I am fully aware of the fact that that makes me a really horrible person. I am aware of the fact that I really shouldn't think the way that I do. Ask me how much I care. Ask me how much I really couldn't care less if it makes me a horrible person because I want her to be gone. The answer is I don't care. The answer is that I really really couldn't care less about a piece of dog shit laying in the road and getting run over until it turns into dust. I will be a horrible person. It doesn't matter. It doesn't mean that I am actually a bad person. It means that I no longer give a shit at all.

I wish that things were different and that I didn't feel this way but I do. I am so tired of hurting at her hands. I am sick of watching everyone around me suffer and hurt at her hands and I just want it to be over, especially for my nephew. I know that my feelings are not really on point but I just don't know how much more I can really take. I know that suicide, attempted suicide and drug abuse are all touchy subjects because no one really knows what is the appropriate reaction, but this is the real face of it. I am probably one of the only people that is actually willing to be open and honest about it. I want others to know that it isn't wrong and that they are not alone in feeling angry or even close to hatred towards someone that they love that does this over and over again for attention. Maybe it isn't just for attention. Maybe they do want to die and just haven't managed to get there yet. Maybe they are not going to stop until they succeed. Maybe they will. But, no matter what, it is normal for you to feel however you feel about it. Don't ever let anyone else tell you that you are not handling it appropriately or that your feelings are not valid.