Free Range Kids - Should a Parent Have the Right to Determine their Child’s Readiness for Independency and Limited Supervision?

in #familyprotection5 years ago (edited)

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To some this may seem like a strange question. You say,

of course the parents should have a right to decide according to their discretion.

Well according to the CPS your children should be supervised at all times.

Growing up I remember being outside all the time with my siblings and neighborhood friends. I believe I was 10 years old when I could first leave from in front of our house and actually play around the corner. My parents couldn’t see us at all times but they knew we were in the premises of our neighborhood. The rules were when the street lights came on it was time to head home. If we failed to follow them my dad blew his embarrassing bull horn that reminded us. Even our friends knew what the sound of that horn meant. I’m sure the surrounding communities could hear it too. My parents were comfortable with letting us have limited freedom within the lines of our community as it helped us become independent, and to learn about responsibility.

Were my parents neglectful because they allowed us out of their eyesight to go play outside? Absolutely not. They were parents that wanted us to have the freedom to enjoy our childhood and to experience time away from home. A baby bird has to leave it’s nest at some point.

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This whole idea of free-range parents and free-range kids came from a woman named Lenore Skenazy. In 2008 she allowed her 9 year old son to ride the subway solo. She received a lot of flak for her actions. She started a website called freerangekids.com where you will find multiple stories of parents putting this concept into practice.

Personally I would never be comfortable with allowing my children to ride the subway alone (at least before they are teenagers). It’s not a matter of whether they are responsible enough or I trust them, it’s a matter of the evil that’s lurking out there and the unforeseen dangers. They need to be capable of fending themselves first.

Skenazy believes we need to let kids be kids and stop thinking every time our kids leave our eyesight they will be kidnapped or murdered. She says this is the least likely to happen. She says we lose perspective on what real danger is and what’s not and we need to realize our kids aren’t in constant danger. Parents develop these many fears by seeing constant violence and tragedies on the news.

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In 2013 a Latina mother from Illinois named Natasha Felix allowed her sons aged 11, 9 and 5 to go play with their visiting female cousin at the fenced in park located right next to their apartment building. The 11 year old was in charge of watching after everyone while Felix kept an eye on them from her window.

A preschool teacher arrived with her class and examined the four children. She witnessed Felix’s youngest son fighting his cousin over a scooter and run into the street with it. She then called the Department of Children and Family Services...I’m sure you can guess what happens next. Felix was then paid a visit.

The investigator confirmed that Felix’s children were dressed appropriately, clean and well groomed. She even stated the 11 year old was a smart and mature boy that was well capable of going outside alone to the park next door. It was when she asked Felix if the boys had any special needs that things started to not look so good. She admitted her two oldest sons had ADHD but were off of medications for the Summer per their doctor. The investigator concluded that because the boys had this diagnosis and the mother was unaware of the street incident she be cited for “Inadequate Supervision” under the Illinois Abused and Neglected Child Reporting Act. Thankfully her boys were not taken away from her but she was placed on the state’s child abuse registry, lost her job as a home healthcare aide and lost her chances on becoming a licensed nurse practitioner.

Did the CPS go too far? Should this mother have lost her job and her chances of becoming a nurse? Wasn’t it her right as a parent to determine whether or not her children were capable of going to the park unattended?

Being a parent is a full time job but I have learned we cannot prevent or control everything. I was outside with my children as they played in the front yard. They were kicking the soccer ball back and forth to each other. At one point the ball was kicked into the street and started rolling down the hill. My 8 year old daughter quickly ran after it but not without first checking both ways for cars. If someone were to have seen her run into the street would they say I am a negligent parent? It happened so fast even before I could say be careful but she still practiced safety first.

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After two years of fighting this citation it was dropped in 2015. Felix knew she didn’t do anything wrong so she kept fighting. DCFS spokesman Andrew Flach said,

Moving forward, the Department will be taking a closer look at similar cases to ensure that we allow caretakers to be prudent parents and considering changes to Department rules and procedures.

Times sure are different from when we were growing up. Parents are scared to parent because they don’t want to be labeled as negligent or risk losing their kids for allowing them to experience freedom by leaving the nest. Our decisions as parents should be based on our discretion and not on what a system says it should be. We as parents know what’s best for our children. Every family is unique and one way of parenting will not work for the masses. Let’s let parents get back to parenting instead of taking their children and jobs away. There are so many unnecessary cases and so many children being placed in unstable situations and it needs to end.

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Article sources:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/05/26/what-exactly-is-this-whole-free-range-kid-thing/?utm_term=.91ea25486183

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-watch/wp/2015/10/02/child-protective-services-and-the-criminalization-of-parenthood/?utm_term=.0e015ce35fef

https://www.google.com/amp/www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-child-neglect-citation-reversed-met-20151215-story,amp.html

Thank you so much for reading! Let’s help each other keep our families safe and together!

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My younger daughter was born "old and mature" and was confident enough to be babysitting in the afternoon for younger children when she was 11.. my older daughter had to be 14 before I felt she was ready...

I am a believer in letting children learn to be independent and competent, but it is increasingly difficult in a world full of nosey busybodies who think they know how everyone else should live. Glad mine are nearly all grown and feel for all of you with young ones trying to survive in a world of nitpicking fault-finders.

I agree with you @fiberfrau. That’s the way we raise our children. I bet you are glad your children are nearly grown. We shave so much to worry about with our little ones. Thanks for sharing your feedback.

I totally agree... how can children ever learn to be independent (age-appropriate, of course) if society requires us to either be helicopter parents or have our children taken away from us?

Thanfully, we don't have the same laws here and nobody bats an eye seeing young kids on their own in the street or the park. It is totally up to the parent to allow young kids to walk to school or play unsupervised outside. Many parents don't allow their children out of sight, being scared of all the horrible things in the news, but it's up to them to decide. I'm currently trying to get my 10 yo to pay attention and get familiar with parts of the city we visit more often. Hopefully, by next spring I'll be confident enough to let him go to one of his classes on his own.

I totally agree that these types of decisions should be made by the parents. I’m glad you don’t have to deal with these kinds of things. A parent knows their child best and their discretion should be enough.

So much this. Society has this weird and untrue view of "danger" (imagining the guy in a van with free candy) when the reality is, most kids are in danger from people they already know (whether that's a family member, or say, the parish priest) and the parents (if they're not the abuser) probably trust. We're punishing parents for being GOOD parents (like your example), and not catching the real horror cases like those people in California who tortured their kids. Like, if CPS existed just to help THOSE kids? Sure. Those kids need help. But that's not ever how it works. The horror stories go on for years and nobody catches it; the nothing was wrong and families' lives were ruined by CPS stories happen every day.
The woman in your example was being a good mom, imo - being a helicopter parent is stifling to a kid's development and leads to more immature, incapable, and spoiled kids, I think. We complain about "kids today," but whose fault is that? It's society's fault - not the kids who were raised to be that way (and not that I think there is anything inherently wrong or different about "kids today," anyway, but you know what I mean).

Very true points. The CPS does need to leave the good parents alone and go after the real horrors. Thanks for reading and commenting.

That was very interesting, @crosheille. So what age are young people considered to be able to look after themselves without supervision ?

In the Uk you're not supposed to leave children by themselves if they're younger than 15 I believe.

I feel we should prepare children from a young age to fend for themselves by creating the right conditions according to factors like their age and geographical location.

We live in the countryside so there are issues like transport and over dependency on car rides...

That’s a good question @cryptocariad. I’m not sure what age the CPS would advise but I think it should depend on what the parent feels. We know our kids better than anyone and should have the liberty to decide that.

I feel we should prepare children from a young age to fend for themselves by creating the right conditions according to factors like their age and geographical location.

I totally agree with this statement!

I realized in the States there are alot of such rules. Not sure if it's for the child or for the parent's best interest. I guess it can go either ways.
We don't have such tight ruling in my country as of yet. But, maybe we can improve to be better.
There has been cases of kidnapping even in the school or a gated housing compound.

It’s really sad. That is one of the reasons why we homeschool...for our children’s safety.
I don’t even trust letting them get on the school bus and attend public school. It’s just too much crazy going on. I’m glad you don’t have such rules where you live.

We recently move our home so that we could be near the school like literally we could walk our youngest son to school. Even then, we still drive him right to the door step so that we're assured that he gets into the school.

Now, the school has security guards station at all the entrance/exit points. No parent is allowed into the school compound unless they register. Even that I feel there is a flaw in the system

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That’s awesome that you all are able to do that to make sure they get there safely!! Good for you Mama!! Extra security is a good idea with the way things are now.

I am lucky here in Alaska it is suggested to not leave your child alone till they are 10 but it is ultimately left up to the parents to decide. The laws here only cover babysitting. It is against the law to babysit another child before age 12.

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Thanks for reading and commenting @lanadancer. It should be up to the parents to decide. Every child is different and although some may reach a certain age they still might not be ready for certain independencies.

That babysitting law is interesting. I’m not sure if we have one such as that. I’ll have to check now. Thanks for sharing.

This post was upvoted and resteemed by @@@thethreehugs. Mahalo for your support of @familyprotection.

Thank you!

You are so welcome my dear.

Wow! This is an eye-opener to me. I am a first time mom and I am being paranoid about my child being in constant danger. It may be because of the influence of the people around me but still, this is good to know. To be honest, I even thought of having my kid trained for self defense once she turns 4. She's 2 right now. I still would would want to have that balance between being protective and giving my kid the freedom and joy of childhood. I love it that I read this! Thanks for sharing. :-)

It really is an eye opener and good for every parent to know what’s going on. We are looking into getting our whole family (my husband, I and the kids) some martial arts training for defense. We are trying to find a family class where we can all learn together. I think it’s a great idea for everyone to know how to defend themselves. I also agree about the balance. There are some things we will remain strict about for their safety but at the same time we want them to have freedoms and independency to learn how to function without us.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

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