The CPS Investigation: My Mother-In-Law's Perpective

in #familyprotection6 years ago (edited)

Hi everyone! My intention isn't to overuse the #familyprotection tag or write about something that may seem trivial, but the investigation consumes much of my thoughts, and I wanted to tell you about my mother-in-law's visit yesterday.

Even though we were expecting her, her arrival scared the crap out of me!!! A car that looked much like the social worker's car pulled up in front of the house. When I saw it, I announced to Jared, "They're here!" My stomach did a flip, and my heart started racing. Then my mother in law stepped out of the vehicle. Relief rushed over me, but my legs were literally still shaking as she walked into the house. She had just recently bought a new vehicle, that's all, but this is the effect CPS has on parents. Raw fear. So much for being tough haha!

Anyway, we talked for a while, and we spoke of how them entering our lives hasn't helped anything at all, if anything they made Jared's depression worse. We told her how much of an attack this whole experience is on our sensibilities.

She had some things to say about our ordeal, and it put my mind somewhat at ease.

  • She reminded us that the courts here in our county are bogged down with tons of cases right now, the jails are full, ect.
  • She also mentioned how the social workers have their hands full with so many parents doing drugs. (did I ever mention our city has the honor of being labeled the heroin dealing hub for our region?)
  • She said they probably felt they had to investigate because it wasn't the first time my mom called. You know what they say about the squeaky wheel getting the grease.
  • She thinks it's just going to blow over.
  • She also agreed that I can't trust my mom anymore.

Yes, I don't know if I ever mentioned that my mom has contacted them multiple times in the past. Warning: This is about to get personal, and slightly embarrassing:
The first time was after I had my last baby. It's a long story but gangstalking caused a nervous breakdown, and everyone thought I was crazy. I ended up being injected with an anti psychotic every month by our county's psychiatry branch of the human services department. Well it had a dulling effect on me, and I didn't perform my housekeeping duties to the best of my abilities. Mind you my house was never trashed, but disorganized and cluttery at times. Well she disagreed with me being on this medication, so what did she do? She marched right down to their offices, and told them so. She also asked if they could "provide me" with a social worker, or someone to come and help me clean my house. They ignored her.

The second time she called was when my husband and I were separated, and the kids and I were staying at my step-sister's house. My mom called because of our living conditions there. My step-sister ran a casual German Shepherd breeding business, and had 6 dogs. She also had 6 kids. It was tight quarters while we were there. A total of 14 people actually! The house wasn't in the best shape, and with so many people, it did get messy, but it would also be cleaned. Here's the catch, my step-sister is a wonderful mom, and well known in their community. They ignored the complaint.

The third time was also when my husband and I were separated. I was already bending over backwards for CPS after they put conditions on me. Some of you don't know, this hasn't been my first run in with them. I was working full time, keeping up with all their demands by making sure the kids didn't miss any dental cleanings, seeing a therapist at their request, getting an AODA assesment at their request, and more. My mom was watching the kids a lot. It was very stressful for her and she was having health issues. This is when I was back in town after staying at my stepsister's and then an apartment for a short time. It was a Friday, and I had to get all of my stuff out of the apartment by the end of the weekend.

I was taking my daughter home from a dental appointment, and my stepsister messaged me, and told me she was able to help me get the stuff out of the apartment that afternoon. I changed plans and when I got to the apartment (about an hour away from where my mom and the kids were), I called my mom to tell her what was happening. She blew up and told me to "come get your kids NOW, or I'm calling a social worker." When I got there her and my brother screamed at me, my brother saying "I've got dirt on you!" And my mom screaming that she was done watching the kids. Shortly after, during one of our meetings, the social worker told me of the report, and said it was screened out. She wouldn't tell me who reported me, but I knew.

And these are only the times I am aware of.

So why did I let these instances go? I really don't know. This time it's different...

I think of the hypocrisy of it all...My brother was beaten black and blue all over his body when he was 5 years old because he left his backpack at school. We moved away to her family in Pennsylvania because of that, but then my mom changed her mind when my step-dad promised her he changed, and we continued to be subjected to his abuse. Where was CPS then? (I don't want to paint myself as a victim, but these are the facts. I'm pretty well adjusted to be honest.) I have a second degree burn on my shoulder because I got something off the stove as a toddler. I fell down the stairs and broke my arm when I was little too. Here's a pic of me when I was four.

Dirty clothes, bare feet, broken arm? Wouldn't you think CPS could have a heyday with this?
I remember being alone and unsupervised A LOT! Not saying that accidents never happen, but none of my kids have ever had a broken bone or a second degree burn, or have ever been beaten for that matter!!! When I brought up once how I used to run wild in the low income housing neighborhood when I was 5 years old, she got offended. It's like she sees the past and her own faults through these rose colored glasses. I don't understand this bubble she lives in, where she makes her own rules about what's acceptable or not. I'm just done. I am so done with her.

END RANT

Love, snowpea ❤

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A classic example of the pot calling the kettle black eh?

Yes, I would say so.

It seems to me that your mom might be trying really hard to find faults in your parenting to make herself feel better of her parenting faults. I think you are doing a fantastic job and it seems that the only reason you have CPS troubles are because of your mom. Either way I'd stay away from her too. You have many supporters here and it sounds like you have your mother in law there for you too. Stay strong and know that you have many people on your side. Hugs from Texas!!

Thank you @adayat523! You know, that thought hasn't occurred to me, but you're probably right.

So so sad that family can do this to one but more so when it's your mother :(
Wish you much strength with this!

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