Ultra Drillblast | Short Fiction

in #fiction5 years ago

This is my entry for the laureate's untra drillblast. The task is to write a romantic scene where a man is cooking for a woman and at that very moment, she realises she's in love with him.

I tried and of course failed. I'm not a romance story kind of girl. I still managed to wove in other events. Read and tell me what you think.


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It was a good day. Well, not very good for an average person in the country since it had been raining for almost seven hours, but it was a good one for Micky. She stretched and pulled the covers over her head. She wouldn’t call herself an average citizen. Not that it mattered anyway. People like her lived and survived without attracting attention, so long as they played the game hard and well.

She peered from under the sheets, watching the rain draw lazy lines on the closed window. She wasn’t exactly sure what woke her up but she could smell coffee at the moment and it felt good. A slight smile tugged at her lips as she stood. She had met Mattie during one her most serious and interesting jobs three months ago. She had welcomed the distraction because that had kept her boss off her back. The old man wouldn’t stop trying to match make her with his son. She rolled her eyes. She enjoyed the young man physically but that was it. She wasn’t exactly the love and marriage type. The thought of babies made her sick. And of course, the young man didn’t seem to mind.

Stifling a laughter, she stepped into the kitchen determined to find that coffee and froze. Her kitchen looked different. On the tiny gas cooker she never used stood a pot. Yes, stood. That was the only word she could think to describe it. Mattie was bent over it, stirring something reddish. The aroma wafting from it made her a little heady. She continued to stare. Mattie in her kitchen wearing her spotless white apron which wasn’t so spotless anymore considering the little smudge on the green line by the right. The way his hair fell over his forehead looked incredibly beautiful. She had noticed that hair before, right? She wasn’t sure. She bit her lower lip and shook her head slightly. He looked up just then and smiled.

“Good morning, beautiful. Nice shirt,” he said, his eyes moving over her.

Micky looked down and frowned. She didn’t remember pulling his shirt over her head.

“Come sit down, Sweet. You look a little pale.

He propelled her to the already set table and drew the seat out while she sat.

“Relax Micky. It’s only soup,” he kissed her lightly on the temple and went back to the pot.

Her frown deepened. Somehow, she had become Micky to him. She used to be territorial with everything especially her name, demanding everyone call her Michela. With him, it had felt natural. Everything about him felt right. Her eyes widened as she looked over to where he stood. His back was to her now. The apron strained against his muscles while he inspected the content of the pot. His small butt looked quite sexy. She swallowed and looked away. She never noticed men like this before. Heck! She never brought them home. Clearly panicked, she brought her hand to her forehead and pressed lightly.

It was beginning to make sense. For weeks, she had slept with him by her side, had turned into his arms in the middle of the night, had buried her face in his chest and sobbed after a nightmare. This morning, she had awoken and unconsciously reached for him. But she had ignored all of it until now. She couldn’t deny it anymore. For the first time in her life, she had fallen in love and fallen hard, and she didn't know what to do about it. More accurately though, she didn't want to do anything at all. It felt a little strange and sweet at the same time. She smiled. Now, she just landed her most difficult job yet; figuring out how to tell him.

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I like how you describe herself with a few sentences. There is nothing more to be said and her character is easily understood. I've just finished a book about a girl who was similar to your character and she also fell madly in love. It ended good for her and they somehow got together and I hope for your character to have the same experience :)

Very well written short story.. catchy, nice and easy to read.

Thank you for sharing and congratulations on your curie vote!

Thank you for reading. I appreciate the kind words.

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Hi chinyerevivian,

This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)

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Absolutely lovely, it started like a joke and unserious, but given it time and thoughts, looking into it and being captured, she cued in and started loving it. Lovely is truly convincing!

Thanks @chinyerevivian for sharing with us and thanks to @curie for supporting quality content as this!

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Quite romantic there @chinyerevivian!

Its a short writing but worth reading.
I hope to see more writings from you.
Good luck and wish you all the best!

I guess you're already in love?

Haha. Love is overrated.

Why overrated?

Maybe misused is the more accurate term. Many people don't really understand what love is.

How do you understand love?

I'm usually not a fan of romance themed stuff but I must say, this is pure quality. You painted the picture quite well.
Without saying much, I got a clear picture of what type of person she is and the level of empathy in this makes me want to ask if Micky is a projection of Chichi 😄

LOL. You're the reader. You decide.

Okay time out, let's immediately look at the post's introduction/preface. Girl, don't try to belittle or actually say if yah screwed up or not; like spoiling things without even spoiling it! That's of course a sin of its own which definitely is helped in no way to how book covers contain book summaries on the back. So I shall forgive this intro that talks about the prompt, but don't go spoil that yah screwed up. At least try to be tipsy/fancy about and say "the romance may be a bit off, but I never understood the craze romance stories get." Now let's get to the short story/fiction!~ (Also, one more thing: very romantic picture; especially with those cherries. WHY DO PEOPLE INFANTALIZE THE CHERRIES! Yeah we get it that it makes me supposedly more googly-eyed, but c'mon!)

La forma (The form): Now the paragraph spacing (and pacing) seems to be at the very most consistent. At least each paragraph picking off from and ending on a noteworthy piece of action that distincts it from the last scene of little actions inside of the paragraph. I noticed that running off the bat that this post gives no shit to "show-n-don't-tell rulism" and I gotta say: hell yeah, finally another person that doesn't think telling is Satan's armpit. To be more insincere: I actually did like the "showing" aspects of the writing and when it did go to the "telling" parts. I also liked how we're given what I would call a "first person that's forcefully third-person but you wouldn't recognize it until you keep seeing internal monologing mixed in with the scenery long enough." Especially with, what usually is paired up with white romance stories, the female actually not going in being presented as some "sex craver or baby-desirer" or something to that effect. If there's one last thing (that me, myself and I and only possibly me, myself and I tend to twitch sporadically about) I do have to comment on the form of the post, it boils down to my dislike of quotes / speech / talking bits with narration bits on the same sentence. I was never a fan of that, though I do accept it as a legitimate writing style for talking/dialogue bits.

The content: the part we've all been waiting for! Yeah this seems stock-standard for a romance story; albeit everytime I swear I kept seeing he and the descriptions, felt like it easily could've been replaced with a she or they (wouldn't mind a lesbian or trans-lesbian story here). But maybe that is the magic of romance stories that they can easily be swapped out in the snap of a finger (bearing some minor form changes) and still make sense in the logic of the story. I especially blushed with how cute the couple (is it right to say it now and instead of mutuals?) talked and acted, Albeit, I would've loved her, the protagonist, to be still pushy against actually being committed to Matty (such a cute name c:), at least the story nor the male-partner don't seem to force her to actually love Matty but coming to her own terms. Much like the little blushes of life after realizing what your unconsciousness is and just not believing it before you accept and move on with your unconsciousness says so... Still wanted her to be a bit doubting and wondering if Matty was being sincere :p - Then again, I would like more (despite the short fiction title) to see her start consciously linking up with her unconsciousness and "remembering" the times she acted way against what she consciously felt for Matty. Albeit the one thing that would ultimately tear down this portion of the comment is that the prompt forces the story to this bottleneck, so that must've taken extreme justification on your end to make that work...

Yet: congratulations on the @curie upvote, keep on writing (which this one seems successful) and happy steeming!

Hey, @theironfelix. Thanks for the feedback. I do appreciate it. You gave me some ideas with the lesbian and trans part, also doubting Mattie part. I might do something with it, or not. Lol.

Hue~ Welcome for the comment! ~^^~

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