The Myth Of The Cave Troll

Story From A Picture—#1

It's said that trolls, particularly those of the cave variety, are nasty, brutal and quite malodorous. In other words, they are anything but sophisticated, civilized or refined.

And mostly, that's true, but not because it's in their nature, per se, but because, quite frankly, there needs to be lower level antagonists in books and movies for our fledgling heroes to battle and beat.

Let's face it. If you're a 17' 6" cave troll in Hollywood, are you going to get the leading man or lady role, or are you going to be relegated to that of dimwitted monster? Most trolls have a face only their mother could love, and no matter of plastic surgery (even if a cave troll could afford it on their paltry wages) is going to fix it. In its resting state, the cave troll face has the look of constant befuddlement, which comes across to the average movie viewer as low IQ.

Thus, dimwitted monster.

But in reality, cave trolls, left to their own devices, are quite intelligent creatures. If you were ever permitted within a few miles of their homes, let alone allowed within, you would see just how creative and innovated the cave troll is.

I only know because, quite by chance, I assure you, I stumbled upon one of the cave troll's most prized possessions—his toilet plunger—and then attempted to return it to its rightful owner via the name and address etched near the bottom:

Cumberfitch, The Cave Troll
1 Hilltop Way, #3
Moria, Misty Mountains, Middle Earth

No matter of ingenuity or technology can overcome nature in some cases, and the cave troll's well-known ability to consume food is only eclipsed by his more embarrassing but quite understandable ability to create, well, bowel movements.

And invariably, that leads to clogging, and... you get the picture.

Now, you would think that something like a cave troll's toilet plunger would not be so easily misplaced, due to its size. And while that is quite true, apparently, they are actually quite prized as outdoor/sidewalk decorations, where I found this one and its mate.

You see, where there's money to be made, there's bound to be a guild of imps to fill the space. Such is the case with cave troll toilet plungers. Quite mischievous and masters of illusion, imps can move about without detection and steal literally whatever they please.

Including cave troll toilet plungers.

Which are then sold to the owners of truck stop convenient stores and the like, presumably, to spruce up the exterior while preventing drunken drivers from plunging their vehicles all the way inside after jumping the curb.

Apparently, if the imps can't find a truck stop furnishings buyer, they will also sell cave troll toilet plungers to giants, who use them in place of their mysteriously missing pawns for their chess sets. Yes, giants also suffer from bad public relations and are actually quite adept at chess and other games of strategy.

To close the circle, if you haven't guessed it already, the imps sell the giant's pawns to the cave trolls, who to their utter dismay, very quickly find out that while their plungers make suitable giant pawn replacements and decorative outdoor/sidewalk bollards, the giant pawns make lousy toilet plungers.

About This Post

This short story was inspired by @themanwithnoname's story from a picture series.
_{Image source—Glen Anthony Albrethsen}