The Flying Bear Problem.

in #fiction6 years ago

Summertime is great. I look forward to it every year.

You can walk around in shorts outside, and no one's going to argue with you about it.


Source: Pixabay.com

It's always a lot of fun playing around at the lake.

BBQs, drinking beer in the sunshine, conversations in rocking chairs on the front porch..

What's not to love about summertime?

Well there are two things that really tend to bug me.

The first one is mosquitoes.

Buzz buzz buzz. Itchy red skin.

Sometimes you can't even sleep because there's a little mosquito buzzing around your ear and it just won't go away.

The second thing is perhaps even more of a nuisance. Flying bears.

I know, I know. When the government first came up with the flying bear project it seemed like a good idea.

What's cooler than a flying bear? We can teach those other countries that the United States is on top by being the first nation to develop a fully functioning flying bear.

However, they've really turned into a pain in the butt.

Just last week I was making some grilled steaks on the 24th floor of my friends high rise apartment building.


Source: Giphy.com

As I was handing my friend his plate, a grizzly bear flies by and bites off my friend's arm taking the plate with him.

"Damn it!" I yelled out. "That steak took like 20 minutes to grill! Stupid Bear!"

Talk about frustrating.

It's not the first time that I've had issues with flying bears though.

I remember when I was making out with my last girlfriend on the back porch of the house I was renting. I had picked her up at a local biker bar. She was all woman I tell you.

Or so I thought.

My buddy opened the back door and announced that there was a sale on salmon at Tom Thumb and that he would be going there to pick some up for next week's barbecue.

Suddenly my sweet baby roared and sat up on her hind legs.

"Whatcha doing honey?" I questioned her.

"B.. B.. B.. Bear!!!" my friend yelled out before heading out the front door in a cloud of smoke.

They're deceitful.....I'll tell you that much.

I'm not saying I look forward to a world without bears. We all love bears, each and every one of us.

I am saying that I wish we had never given them the ability to fly.

You know what would be cool if they could fly though?

Crocodiles.

Now that is something worth considering.

Sort:  

The problem I'm having is getting my bear traps to levitate. When bears started flying my business went all to Hell.

Hell bears are the worst. Getting the traps to levitate is one thing, but getting the bears to sign the non levitation clause is the hardest part.

I might have to expand out. Start trapping pigs as well as bears.

I saw a flying bear chasing a flying pig once. Reminded me of Top Gun. I forgot to record it though. Sorry.

I've never met a bear that didn't enjoy that movie.

I hate flying bears. My husband almost hit one on his way home the other day. It flew towards his windshield like a pigeon but my husband managed to swerve into a ditch. I don't mind the flying black bears. The grizzlies are a bitch though. Those are the ones that rip peoples arms off.

Black Bears are sweet. They taught me a few things about making blueberry pie last week.

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