Astral Echoes - Short Fantasy Fiction
View this post on Hive: Astral Echoes - Short Fantasy Fiction
6 years ago in #fiction by raj808 (71)
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I resteemed it. Good story. I can see it being a part of a longer story, maybe a series. Or a novel/novellette/novella. All you'd have to do is flesh out the characters more and deepen the plot. Your writing style is straightforward, pull no punches. I think you could put this into the speculative fiction category, but who pays attention to genre boundaries any more?
Yep spec fiction would definetly fit the bill. Kind of a good genre term for all things fantasy/scifi for sure ;-)
I agree that the character and plot need fleshing out and I think I have subconsciously left it sparse knowing that I wanted to develop more to this, trying to wet peoples appetites with this first installment. I already had a lot of further details sketched out in my mind about Mr Xioin particularly while writing this. Thanks for the feedback @blockurator... should be more from Niran soon :-)
Another suggestive and finely crafted piece, which I'm honored I could have hosted in my contest. Considering that I read 15 alternative finals, I drank your second part of the story with great curiosity, like a fresh beer in this torrid August! What I liked the most was King Rama's awakening and, obviously, the final twist. In general, you created an accurate and convincing setting, both when portraying Bangkok and from the esoteric/mystical elements. What else shall I add? A further episode is mandatory!
I'm really glad you enjoyed it @f3nix especially as you said, having already read 15 alternative endings lol. It makes me happy and sure that I made a decent job of it that it didn't get boring or resemble any of the contest entries too much. It is also gratifying that the setting came across well as I have only visited Bangkok once and never went to Lumphini Park or the surrounding area. I had an strong overall impression of Bangkok but the rest of the detail was gleaned by google earth research. I do this a lot and have found it to be an effective technique with having quite a strong visual descriptive palette. Anyway, just glad it was a fun read :-)
Interesting that some of the endings had a bit of your idea in them, especially picking up on the theme of the father.
I think trapping Niran in a hellish limbo is promising. I personally would be entertained by an exploration of this "timeless place between realities". You could do this symbolically or as a kind of magical journey. The best is to leave it up to the reader how much is Niran's perception and how much is an actual journey onto another plane. Anyway, that's what I think.
Very textured, very well thought out. Bravo.
I completely agree @agmoore thank you for the feedback. I had it in the back of my mind for the beginning to the next story being a sort of mishmash of symbolic imagery from Niran's past to fill out his character a little, kind of like Mr Xioin is fucking with him psychically before moving on to the next scene (I don't want to post any spoilers).
Have you ever thought of going into the book market? I know it's hard to make money, but you never know. You have a knack for being both thoughtful and popular. Most people have to abandon one for the other.
Wow, this post is so long... I have marked it down to read later. Cheers! :D
Hope you enjoyed it @joelai twas indeed a long post and it took a lot of time and effort when you include the 2 and a half hours proofreading and editing I put in to it after the first draft was finished.
I like the ending very much, and I would like to read Niran in series, different storyline facing different creatures, that would be interesting!
Well done. Thought Niran had the situation under control. Not so fast! LOL. This could turn into an ebook no doubt.
Ha ha. Yeah, I originally had an ending where he won out and it was kind of like an astral counseling service of something. But when I read it back I didn't like it too much and thought their has to be a twist somewhere. I went on a bike ride and this ending came to me in a flash. Much more satisfactory than the final 3-4 paragraphs I had originally. Thanks for your feedback and stopping by to read @cyemela
It is very interesting to find out what the author of the first part of a story had in mind, especially considering that we were called to find our final, so we can now know how far we have strayed from the imagined direction.
Am I wrong or do you have a great familiarity with the setting? It seems like the streets of Bangkok and the Thai ghosts are a terrain in which you move naturally.
I would like to read more about Niran and his paranormal adventures. :) Tip!
I don't think it's a case of anyone straying from my vision mate. Everyone's endings are unique and valid, that's what I love about this competition/challenge of finish the story. I appreciate your sentiment though of seeing where it was going in my mind when first written :-)
Yes, you are right about familiarity about Bangkok, I have visited once but that was over 10 years ago. My memory is very sense orientated so I find it quite possible to conjure up strong memories of places from a long while ago, the rest I fill out by using google earth and researching. Thanks for reading and your comment :-)
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Sometimes it's hard to spot the difference between the astral and the dream.
Beautiful writing!
That is a fair point @spellmaker. I sort of meant for it to be one and the same if I'm honest. Like Niran was in the astral plane observing Xioin's dreams which were bleeding into the astral. It might not be completely clear that was my intention though. Thanks for your feedback and taking the time to read :-)
The Grand oldee Duke of York and his ten thousand men of short stories this one.
Great balls of fire... what a chilling, gripping and twisting tale.
Thank you and as Oliver said. "More please"
Thanks Jay ☺ glad you enjoyed it buddy. I'll let you know when the next installment drops.