Time to Smell the Roses - Finish the Story Contest, WEEK 34

in #fiction5 years ago (edited)
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This post was submitted for curation by: @theironfelix
This post was given a rating of: 0.9977578224104047
This post was voted: 58.81%

Beautiful prose. Not just a good story, but the prose actually shines on this one. I'm going to have to enter one of these finish the story contests soon. You make it look easy.

Thanks blockurator. You should definitely enter, it's a lot of fun as a creative exercise :-) Some are easier than others. This one just sort of flowed for me, it was like a 'Sherlock' trope with the psychic villain recounting his set up to put poor Ms Heather and her fella in the spotlight for the murder. There were so many details setting up in the beginning of this story that I just had to kind of pick and choose and then make it my own by going off in a completely different direction Lol

Don't you hear the call of the Bananafish.. suave like a mermaid's chant?

Oh, is that what that was? I thought my wife was running a bubble bath again. :-p

In fact, I mimicked your wife's voice... uhm we could work on this for an FtS prompt! XD

good luck on the contest.. I enjoyed reading.
The fact you added to an existing story seems harder to do.

Thanks rebeccabe. I'm glad you enjoyed the story :)

you are welcome @faj808 we are here to support each other

Every version of this story I drafted had Crow as the murderer. Just had trouble getting there. All those names were distracting.
Very good job! Nice local color.

Cheers agmoore. Yes, it was in my head as soon as I started writing to make Crow the bad guy. Kinda like a psychic sociopath, messing with them all.

Great minds think alike ehh ;-)

Yeah...great minds....ha ha

Well... I think Crow is going to have some trouble with keeping Garalda's ghost at bay. He'd better sell the house and never enter it.

I liked the way you painted your pictures with words at the beginning.

Thanks Tristan. Ha ha, yes I think it is going to be a haunting experience living there for sure ;-)

Fo' sho' a good story here, especially how it ended and Geralda wants to klop out Crow's lights. Too bad she hath no body to commit to the blerrie act, yet maybe a good scare will get Crow if done right. However, it may end up like a home alone situation just reversed. Upvot'd and resteem'd.

Coolio.gif

Ha ha... yes 'home alone 4 - trapped in the Connor mansion'.... a shockingly good movie ;-) Groan
Thanks for the comment and I'm glad you liked the twist at the end. I tried to keep it hidden right until the last minute.

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600 words but fully justified by the finest prose, plus a classic development that prepares the reader for the final coup de théâtre. Solid, shiny, entertaining piece.

very much enjoy the twist ending here, John's reaction to the proposition that Crow knows the murderer is just perfect, and the way the imagery of her eyes weave through the story gives the eerie impression of her haunting him. Beautifully done!

Hi @calluna. Sry it took me so long to get back to you on this comment, I wrote this the day before steemfest and then... the madness of travel ensued ;-)

the way the imagery of her eyes weave through the story gives the eerie impression of her haunting him.

I'm glad you enjoyed the twist and I was careful to make the eyes of the ghost somewhat ambiguous in their gaze, like I was trying to make the reader think that she was haunting one of the others rather than Crow. I'm not sure how effective I was but I really wanted it to be a twist that doesn't become apparent until right at the end. Thanks for the feedback :-)

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