Short Story | Cursed

6:13 a.m.

Paranoia tends to leave me exhausted and in a hysteric bliss state. Everything brings maniac laughter out of me. I have tried to quit smoking for quite a while, but in moments like these, a cigarette is a must. So, I spend my last few dollars on getting off.

7:44 p.m.

I'm home alone. Riffs and vocals hit the speakers hard. The music gushes out of my chest, burbling until I can't resist the urge to scream the lyrics. I'm alone, and I raise my voice to kill the silence. To shut up the fear.

2:08 a.m.

Anxiety strikes me awake violently, again. I sit on the bed, trying to pace down my breathing. Even though I have read about these episodes over and over, I'm clueless of what to do, and that makes it worse. I cry myself to sleep, once again.

9:27 a.m.

The crimson red dress and the black boots are now the only fittable clothes in my closet. It feels almost stupid to be worrying about this kind of things too, but an ugly sensation can stop me from going out wearing certain attires. I can't stand the look of them over my skin.

10:33 a.m.

I had to get out of the house. This intolerable apprehension is starting to crawl and eat me up inside. I stay at the edge of the bench, hoping that the silly chitchat I hear would distract me just enough. It doesn't work. I'm lonelier than ever.

4:51 p.m.

Being in front of the computer, I feel the urge to write, but also the repulsion. There is something in me that doesn't want to speak up, to cry for help. To try to work on some fiction is almost hypocritical, and since the truth won't come out, I have no option but to close the laptop and try to get some sleep.

8:22 p.m.

Invisible burdens weigh me down so bad I think I'm about to sink into the mattress. My eyelids are sore from the endless weeping. I'm weak as fuck. I hate myself for it. Enough is enough. I can't keep going like this anymore. This time is for real. Is it?

3:03 a.m.

I should reach out to someone, anyone. But what if that person checks the inbox on the exact moment to save me? Better to say nothing, then. I wouldn't want that, would I?

5:11 a.m.

Today is the day. I guess. It seems like this time I really can't go on. But I have that class today... Maybe I should wait after all, and do one more thing, take one more step. I can always kill myself later.

You will always have that option until you use it.

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^{The use of the selected music as a soundtrack for the story is highly recommended to enhance the reading experience.}

^{This story was partially inspired by @arseniclullaby's post. Go check it. Some things need to be said out loud, and more importantly, heard. So, fellow, try to understand, practice empathy, raise awareness and always show love to your family and friends.}

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^{Thank you, @mariannewest, for another #freewrite challenge. Today's prompt is inbox. To learn more and take part go here.}

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