[Fiftywords micro-fiction] Survive, Somehow

in #fiftrywords5 years ago

Welcome again to yet another #fiftywords entery, the challenge is maintained by @jayna with a new prompt every week. This week is "feast." This is one of my darket stories but that's the idea I had one I heard the prompt.


nahbezltq5.jpg


Survive, Somehow

I kept running...
For how long I've been doing that?

What are those things?
They stop at nothing to eat us, feast on us.

I took out my gun and killed one of them,
but my bullets will run out soon.

So I'll keep running,
I'll survive this zombie apocalypse.

The End


I don't know if the story is any good (I did some padding because it was only 46 words at first.) But I guess it worth the try.

This story was inspired by The Walking Dead I got even its title idea from the TV show, it's also inspired by Resident Evil both are zombie franchises.

What do you think?

Have any suggestion, or a thought you want to tell me about? Love the shows I mentioned above? found a typo? I'll be excited to read your comments.

Cover image uses Photo by Nathan Wright on Unsplash.
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Augh! So creepy! I love it.

I loved walking dead. And your post captured it,( the story)👏👏.. But, I didn't feel the scary...might be just me or maybe it because, I have seen the show.

I guess everybody is being blatant at the end, oh well at least it adds to the story with the ones I've seen. Anyways, I like how this 50-word tasker plays into the self-narration the person is self-telling themself. It's like the mind is just recapping and now realizing what they've been unconsciously been doing. They saw a threat that clearly was a threat and ran and had to kill one in the process, yet it's appropriate for them, or safe enough, to begin ruminating on what the Heck is going on. They've escaped confusion and disaster a fair bit, so it's quiet enough to formulate a plan after sorting out what has happened so far. And the only logical solution they can make is to continue moving, if a zombie could feast wherever they lived and that inspired them to continue running, then the situation is probably real dire.

The only real thing I probably change is the ending line on one consideration: the narrator asked "What are those things?" and somehow characterizes the threat as zombies. Now while this stream of thought could be happening during different times of the run, as suggested by the breaks of the stanzas, they wouldn't be that quick to think it both an apocalypse and the threat zombies. At least not that quickly, especially during the same period where they're still running. So my edit is this: "from whatever those freaks are." That's the only realistic edit I can give that both keeps the elements in check, the set free rhythm in check, avoids the blatancy problem and keeps it within the self-narration we've been granted throughout the 50-word tasker.

Now I can say the rest is believable due to the fact that, if running is the only action, with high adrenaline, a push towards a place of safety and away from the human-eaters, things like keeping count of bullets or freaking out about the "other" is fine. In fact, totally expected; after all, the narrator isn't speaking and this can easily be their thoughts just running by to make sense of the changing World and keeping an eye on the mediums of their very survival. I, with quite a couple contacts and let's add the entire internet, can resonate with the fast and furious flow of thoughts as this general form of quickly scanning every lil' information given to us is an actual byproduct of adrenaline rush.

Upvot'd and resteem'd!
Hexin'.GIF

Your short fiction easily got the reader (me, at least) into the shoes of the character. Not sure what emotion you tried to evoke, but I felt the dread and determination to survive of the character. This is great!

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