Finish the Story Contest - WEEK #39! (entry by @blueeyes8960)steemCreated with Sketch.

in #finishthestory5 years ago (edited)

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A Thousand Windows

by @f3nix (finished by @blueeyes8960)

From the Little Ararat’s peak, Vartan "tiger's eye" observed his hometown, Yerevan. In the ample pocket of his tunic, well sheltered from the harsh wind, his squat fingers played with two graceful jade discs, while his steed, foaming with fatigue, seemed suddenly reinvigorated at the sight of home after months of traveling. If it had not been an animal, it would seem that he was moved. In Vartan's eyes, the only veil was that of travel fatigue.

Armenian merchant of precious stones, merchant son of merchants, he did not care how dangerous the journey was, nor how many moons had rotated above the long caravan: his mind was a precision balance that incessantly weighed and estimated without respite Indian emeralds, Burmese rubies, Pakistani aquamarines. This was Vartan's life since the cradle: he made a profit, and he did it surprisingly well.

A brisk early March night, something unexpected happened to him: he had a dream. Being an unusual experience for him, he awoke to throw in a far corner of the room the brocaded bedspread, upset and wet with sweat despite dawn’s breeze. In his family no one used to dream, there was no space for these frivolities. If he reflected well, maybe a couple of times he had dreamed of carving a gem or making a good deal, but he never came across those surreal dreams like a sand mirage in the ocean. After that episode, dreams began to visit him more and more frequently, as the unstoppable progression of pot-bellied drops in an August downpour. Frankly, it was a very unfortunate situation for Vartan, who was soon forced to invent every kind of wild night escapade to justify the increasingly evident dark circles under his eyes.

Then one day, while he was dreaming, the unthinkable happened: he suddenly perceived that he was in the dream. That first experience of dreamlike lucidity did not last long, nothing but an imperceptible beating of wings of awareness before the rules of the dream came back to swallow him and to dictate the story, relegating him to a mere spectator. Night after night, he began to acknowledge the laws that governed that world and how to bend them to his creative power. Thin and rarefied realms could become dense with colors, shapes, and perfumes. The Escheresque geometries of dancing fractals disobeyed space and time. Gradually, Vartan learned to attribute a new meaning and content to the term comprehension. For every new dream he was immersed in, the breath of those universes and his soul were united in one single essence longer and longer. In those dreams, Vartan traveled in the folds of reality, learned the language of angels and played dodges with them in the heart of perennial storms of unknown planets.

Soon, what was happening in Vartan's soul could not remain hidden to the eyes of the family, his friends, and the entire city of Yerevan.

My finish:

Vartan was deep in the recesses of an unruly world of mind bending sensations. The vast swirls of violet clouds overhead hid a darkening sky that held three moons in juxtaposition with the far away mountaintops. In this dreamworld that he was learning in increments to control, murmurings of the Ancient One were being absorbed by his being and translated into meaning. The words were not oral, they were assimilated directly into his being. He began to understand that this trek through the series of his dreams, flitting through telescoping realities, had a purpose that he was meant to uncover.

Vartan was being guided in this realm to recreate it into a form that his consciousness could understand and interact with. The bare landscape around him embraced him and began to contour itself into a cavern. As he listened and concentrated, the cavern opened itself up showing a pathway leading to a golden door shining with the iridescent colors of an alien rainbow. Vartan picked himself up from the enveloping mantle and glided toward the doorway. He reached the doorway, only to find no way to gain entry. His mind struggled to understand the Ancient One, sensing that there was something he needed. The dancing fractals pulled him in and out his body as the Ancient One continued to ply him with communication. And there in his hand appeared the two jade discs that he had carried with him everywhere in his mortal world. The discs began glowing and Vartan realized that this was an integral part of why he had been chosen and what he was to do next.

Holding a disc in each hand he held them toward the golden portal. The iridescent kaleidoscope became crystal clear and Vartan could see a fist sized ruby red stone shot through with emerald green veins. The stone seemingly hovered in midair and slowly rotated. Vartan could feel the stone calling to him, pulling him forward. Slowly, with reverence, Vartan plucked the stone from its rotation and was immediately inundated with a feeling of absolute joy coupled with immeasurable power. He felt the Ancient One's cerebral approval and the message that he was to take this gift back to his world.

Back in Yerevan, Vartan's inert body was surrounded by concerned family members. He had lain in a coma for this past three days and his family had all but given up hope. Behind his closed eyes and unmoving body Vartan was traveling backward through a thousand windows of dreamscapes, flying through worlds collapsing after him, holding tight to his most precious stone, destined to be the savior of the human race.

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whew. what a trip! I enjoyed your use of surrealist and dreamy language to create the dream state.

In this dreamworld that he was learning in increments to control, murmurings of the Ancient One were being absorbed by his being and translated into meaning.

Ah. The Ancient One. But benevolent? A savior of the human race? Questionable....

Yes, the Ancient Ones arranged for the ruby power stone to make its way to earth, but, who's to say it was actually to SAVE the race? Perhaps in the end, it enslaved them....

Posted using Partiko Android

Yes, her language choices were effective.

Sometimes I do wonder if most comas "are stupid" to quote the person that remarked upon his coma are as fun as this. Though I imagine them being all fantastical, while outside of the dreaming-reality, all other realities are converging around the slow death of Vartan as seen with his family. It really does, despite being abrupt in every other case, seem like a contrast of (two important) realities that manage to fit in the fine Universe that seems to neglect both realities. The "actual" reality is grieving for him while the "mystical" reality beckons him to let loose so he can do the impossible. And the coma is the contingent medium that allows the two to play-off each other and showcase how individual they are despite being collapsed under the same Universe that houses them both.

That ending of the ending really is a point of love and speculation - this is what good surrealistic (even just absurdist) works can pull off which I commend yah for as did @dirge and @brisby / @bananafish. I love how here, not in the actual exploration, that the "mystical" reality can actually stand on its two feet and when the "actual" reality tries to rob the reader's attention and showcase what's happening in its reality. Which now, in the confusion of both realities, seems like both are conflicting - and given more words or even a second round to make an ending's ending - which might resolve in Vartan breaking the "actual" reality but forever changing how the "mystical" reality operates by expanding its areas of operations or even become some fantasy "Save the World" plot with "Eastern" (really Sino-Hindu in its most obscene form) and Caucasus characteristics.

Upvot'd and resteem'd.
Hexin'.GIF

What a beautiful story! You painted Vartan's inner journey with such vivid colors and details that I wish someone would put it to canvas. Your story gave sense to why he'd been eased through the successive dreams from the Ancient Ones, to achieve understanding of his ultimate purpose.
Then to find out that the jade discs had a higher importance this entire time? Fantastic!
I loved how you tied in the title with your ending, Vartan's journey back with the precious stone of power and the "thousand windows" closing behind him.
---Brisby

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murmurings of the Ancient One were being absorbed by his being and translated into meaning. The words were not oral, they were assimilated directly into his being.

@brisby is the official bananafish this week so I'm a bit more free to comment without formalities 😉 That one above is the moment where I understand that this is a top tier piece.

I have to say that I had a shiver when reading your story. It almost never happened. I liked your rich lexicon and how vibrant the whole story is. It reminded me of Plato's cavern myth. It's a great pleasure to have you writing with us, keep up the awesome work!

Wow, very nice praise from the story creator. I've much admired all your stories, and felt a little intimidated in trying to do justice to an ending. I must have read your beginning 10 times before I was able to put myself there and let the story come. I love your contests, because they are inspiring and push me out of my comfort zone!

inspiring and push me out of my comfort zone

This is the best compliment I can receive, my friend!

As @f3nix, even I have caught a reminescence of Plato's Cavern, but it also happened I just listened (perhaps for the 100th time) to one of my favorite song: "Lateralus", by Tool. This song talks about the neverending trip of the human conscience to reach knowledge and self-awareness, both outside and inside ourselves, moving in "spirals" that become every round bigger. Your description of a inner voyage, almost a shaman's astral body trip, fits so well with the song!

Good job I enjoyed this one.

Hoist the Bananafish colors! Our 40th Edition is ready and waiting for you, brave storyteller.

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