MY ENTRY -- Finish The Story Contest - WEEK #30! -- THE BATTLE OF BLOODNECK VALLEY

This is my entry into the Finish The Story Contest hosted by @bananafish


Well, I guess this is my first writing contest, go easy on me...  Please leave me feedback in the comments (how else am I supposed to get better?).   I liked this story I started typing and ended up with over 900 words, so I had to trim it down...


The Battle of Bloodneck Valley

by @dirge 

Shog, called the Bonecrusher by his people, knew they’d lost when human horns roared across the battlefield. The Imperiate had come after all, to aid their elven allies of the Alish’tae Republic. Shog’s people, orcs of the Galak Tribe, so named after the mountain upon which they’d once lived, fought hard and well. But they fought alone. 

Orcs no allies. Not even their Gods, the Old Ones, cared anymore. 

As the morning sun crept above the clouds, illuminating the blood soaked fields, the Imperiate horsemen charged out from the forest. Muk’nola, matriarch of the Galaks, sounded her war horn, signalling the retreat. But it would be too late, Shog knew. Those horsemen would slaughter them as they fled. Their children, next. 

An elf, empowered by the sense of looming victory, stormed forward from their line, straight towards Shog. He parried the elf’s longsword then heaved his mighty hammer, Breaker of Worlds, in a perfect arc. It smashed upon the elf’s helmeted skull, and he proved his namesake for the countless time. The elf’s head exploded in bone and carnage. 

“Back!” he heard. “Fall back!” In disarray, the others around him fled towards Bloodneck Valley, where they’d encamped. Their position fell. Shog screamed to maintain the line but knew the day was lost. His people fled. He had no choice but to follow. 

He reached the camp, already nearly moving again, fleeing up the valley to the highlands. Shog, exhausted, reached Zee-zee, his daughter, and Gheelah, his love. Gheelah had already packed their yurt and few remaining possessions. 

“Flee!” he shouted to her. 

“And you?” Gheelah asked. 

“I stay to hold them back.” 

In typical orcish fashion, their utter devotion, love and mutual respect expressed itself only in their shared gaze, never in public, spoken word. He gripped her hand. He told Zee-zee to be strong. Gheelah nodded. Then the doy galloped away with the rest of the fleeing, broken host. 

Muk-nola, matriarch, rallied the remaining Galak warriors. They reformed to a single line. Bloodneck Valley was narrow. Rocky. Layered with crimson colored clay. The land elevated as it led to the Highlands, their only advantage. 

Maybe at the height of the tribe’s strength, before the humans had come with their purges and stolen their land, before the elves had arrived to ‘cleanse the world of evil’, maybe they would have been strong enough. But Shog saw they had a few hundred left. A few hundred to hold a line against an entire battalion of Imperiate horsemen and Alish’tae swordsmen, the latter no doubt already being reinforced. 

The ‘Fair Folk’ would aim to eradicate the Galak now, as they fled. 

Shog marched up to Muk-nola. She hailed him. “Yog-Sothoth burns in us,” she said. 

“Yog-Sothoth hasn’t given a shit about us since Galak Mountain ceased its fire,” Shog replied. 

Imperiate horns loomed. The sun flared, blinding Shog for a moment. Another disadvantage. The ground rumbled with the cavalry charge. 

“Either way. I’ll crush his soul in hell. Right after I’m done with these Fair Folk.”

Entry Begins here:

Let Us Finish This 

by @coinsandchains

Shog knew the narrow valley was their only advantage. It allowed only 20 horses abreast, but even with that, it was hopeless. All he could do was buy Gheelah and Zee-zee a little time at the cost of his life. He felt the rage welling up within him, and the familiar weight of the Breaker of Worlds in his hands, it was a good day to die. 

Shog stepped up, a full head and shoulders taller than most orcs, an advantage in battles. The first line of Imperiate horsemen were bearing down on them. There pikes lowered preparing to rip them to shreds, the taste of victory already on their lips.  

A slight step to the left and Shog spun. Swinging his mighty hammer into the horse’s head, the horse screamed as its legs crumpled. The rider in his heavy armor tumbled to the ground. Shog barely gave him a glance as Tre-knok pierced his spine as he struggled to get up. Shog parried a wild halberd swing from another rider. Then slammed his shoulder into the rider and horse, knocking them off balance. With a scream of fury, he swung the Breaker of Worlds at the rider. Landing a blow with the sickening sound of his skull being crushed.  

Then it was over, what was left of the first wave turned to regroup, as the second wave made ready for their approach. Shog glanced at the carnage around him, men and orc everywhere dead and dying. Muk’nola stood with her war horn broken in her hand, shouting orders, reforming the ranks. There would be no retreat, this will be the last stand of the Galak Tribe.  

A glance back at the approaching enemy, an orc was walking straight at the Imperiate lines.  It looks like Bardok, What the hell is that crazy old man doing?  Shog yelled and began to run.  

Muttering under his breath, “This stupid fool is going to get us both killed.”  

Shog yelled again, but Bardok kept walking. Shog grabbed Bardok’s shoulder and turned to face him. He just stared, a crazy gleam in his eyes, repeating, “Yog-Sothoth burns in us” over and over.  

“Come on you fool,” Shog screamed. 

Looking up at the approaching horsemen, sunlight glinting off their armor. They would never make it back to the line before they were on top of them. Yet as he stared at the galloping horses the air between them started to shimmer. A shadow began to form. A shadow that absorbed the light around it, and as it grew, it began to coalesce into a massive orc.  

“It cannot be,” Shog muttered, “It cannot be!” 

The shadow, 3 times his height, became solid. Glowing a faint red, then with a single swing of its massive hammer, sent horses and men flying across the valley. It turned to face Shog, flames blazing from its eyes. The giant reached out and touched Shog, who stared in silence. A burning fire welled up within him, filling him with a power he had never known.  

The ground shuttered as it spoke, “It burns in us.” With a smile, he turned to the battle and growled, “We are not in hell yet. Let us finish this…”  

Thank You for reading, I would very much appreciate any comments and feedback!!!

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Thank you for such interesting continuation of the story. Well described battle from eh view of Shog, it is always a lot of emotions when you read such moments, you know that there will be only one winner, whose side as a reader you will take depends on your sympathies but also can be ruled by the author. Like the details and comparisons in your text, description of thoughts and emotions. Well presented story :)

Thank you very much @stef1. In most stories, I probably would not take the orcs side, the way the first half was written I felt like the orcs were the hero/underdog. I guess it sometimes helps to be able to see both sides of the conflict, in stories and in life.

Hi coinsandchains,

This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)

Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.

Well, I did not expect that... Thank You

And you didn't want to write fiction! I remember our talk that time ;-)

lol, I just don't think I would be good at it. Most of the writing that I do is technical in nature, documentation, policies and procedures, etc.
With this one I had a pretty good idea where I wanted it to go...

Keep going with the flow, seems you've a talent to explore!

The ground shuttered as it spoke, “It burns in us.” With a smile, he turned to the battle and growled, “We are not in hell yet. Let us finish this…”

Nice ending line. I enjoyed your ending and the action/suspense of the battle. Happy you joined the contest

Well, it all started with a rather nice story... I have a question, do you read H. P. Lovecraft?
500 words was not really enough to do it justice, the last line was really where it all started. When I read your story, it was the first thing that popped into my head. What would his god say if he were there waiting for his soul to be crushed?

Hello @coinsandchains 😉 glad to see you roar again after the hard forky days 😆 and what an epic ending.. l enjoy your story😊 but I'm not an author.. so I can't give you any feed back, congratulations for the curie pick👍

I growl... lol, hey it's been a few weeks since I really engaged with the platform. I've been rather busy with work and kids.
Well, I not an author either, and I had to look twice when I saw the curie vote. I don't think of myself as a good writer, and seeing all of the previous curie voted posts, I am rather positive that I pale in comparison to most of the others...

How are things going in your world?

I almost fall into an excitement to ask for a party for your curie picked 😂😂😂 but your next thank you economy is better be a party.. sorry that I can't participate to donate any rewards, but I think I had to try to make a post to support your challenge😉.. later, when I finish up my "to do list" for the last 3 months of this year due to the HF20 new system.

Hope that you keep steem it up.. and enjoy your day with the work and family too.

I was going to wait till Monday to post the next contest but I think I'm going to try and get it out tonight. lol, It's 12:30 AM here... it will probably take till 2 to catch up on my comments etc. so It will be posted probably in about 2 and a half hours... We have the grandkids tonight so they will probably have me up by 6 in the morning.

Take your time and no need to hurry.. some participants probably still struggling with the RC probs too.

The continuity of the story is great. If this is your first writing contest, you should definitely join more of them. I like how you ended the story with an open end. It lets the reader add their own part of the story. Congratulations on the curie vote. What an achievement for the first writing contest! :)

lol, I had to end it somewhere there were loads of directions to go, but I only had 500 words to work with. That limited what I could do quite a bit. That was my thought, I saw the vote and was like no way, no stinking way. Not just the first writing contest it's the first curie vote as well.
Thanks for stopping by and the great comment.

The flow was brilliant! I expected a difference in story telling style between the two sections, but experienced none. I thoroughly enjoyed it!

I have a feeling that @dirge and I have a few favorite authors in common.
Did you finish your level up project?

Yes. There was a little delay with the hardfork, but I had so many great entries I gave out some dustsweeping gifts too.

@coinsandchains, this was a beautiful story and you have continue the story well. It didn't have any disconnect of the story from the previous version. I always admire writer who can wrote a chain story. Co-operation of writers to complete a story was amazing. And I love how you continue it. I won't notice that the story was written by 2 different writers if you didn't mention in your post. Congratulation on the curie vote and you deserved it.

Thank you so much for the awesome compliments. It was difinately interesting to give this a try, and it is my first big curie vote. Which for me was totally awesome.

I like how Yog-Sothoth manifested onto the battlefield, first as a shadow and then turning into a giant orc. Very interesting turn of events.

Congrats on the curie upvote!

Thanks, I think you had a curie vote too, so congrats to you as well... I haven't gotten around to all of the entries yet, I'm going to try and do that tonight and tomorrow night, I'm looking forward to reading yours. It's interesting how many different directions the story can take, but it's hard keeping it at 500 words. I left half of mine on the cutting room floor as the saying goes...

Your first turned out to be a great one.

I do love how you painted the scene, seems like there will be great action there, I hope they get to finish it $and they don't end up finished😃😅), how you told the story got me totally immersed in it.

Thank you @audreybits, It was rather fun to write. I had to trim it back by 400 words, I got a little carried away. I guess I'm getting hit by all of the curie crew now. lol It's my first curie as well, which was rather unexpected.

😀 there is a limit to the number of words you use for the contest? There are writings that just flow out of us, this seems to be one of them, for you.

😀Yeah yeah!! You wrote it so well, there was no way curie would have missed you... You should do more of this!

Yes, the entry for the contest can only be 500 words long. I started writing and got carried away with the battle scene and the giant orc that I had just over 900 words, so I had to start trimming out anything that wasn't essential, find other words to shorten sentences, etc.
I really felt it was mediocre at best once I trimmed it down, I almost didn't post it.

You really felt so? Well, I am glad you did post it in the end....

In my contest, there's an advice to keep the second part of the story in the 500 words avg. If it makes sense and it's useful for the plot, they may be 600 and it's ok. In general, I avoid strict rules unless they're necessary.. I believe that they stifle creativity 🙂

Heheheheh! That's pretty cool! Oh sure, trying to keep the numbers down and the story entertaining can be pretty much tricky, so the need for creativity... Great contest!

The best stories manage to communicate so much also when respecting this lenght.. it's possibile! But in the end here we take it easy and have fun together. See you in the Bananafish Realms @audreybits 😉

Yay! Congrats @coinsandchains!! You truly deserve it!!
Gosh, your part of the story is so grippingly exciting!

The ground shuttered as it spoke, “It burns in us.” With a smile, he turned to the battle and growled, “We are not in hell yet. Let us finish this…”

It gave me the similar feeling that I had each time Gandalf came to save the day, except that in this case orcs are the heroes, not the bad guys? Ooo so excited for you!! A good payout there :)

lol, thanks, That was kind of the feel I was going for. It was a bit weird to write it from the orcs perspective, but that was kind of the flow and feel I was getting from the start of the story. I actually started the whole thing with the last line, that was the cool part. So I just had to bridge the gap between where the story was and where I wanted it to go.

Coool! Hehe.. And a brilliant way to start with the last line and building the story from there. My brother used to tell me, have a great starting line and a great ending line and just let your imagination fill in the blanks in between, pretty much like what you did :) Yah.. still trying to imagine it from the orcs side because they are always the ugly, bad guys. Happy Sunday there @coinsandchains! Fun day!! :)

I think that was part of it, breaking of the stereotypes. The old adage, don't judge a book by its cover and such.

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