Leitner- Finishthestory Short Story

in #finishthestory5 years ago

Leitner

by @dirge

Benjamin Leitner, son of General Reinold Leitner, grandson of Count Dietrich Leitner, stepped from the stagecoach and lit his pipe. The night was cold, the sky a vast black emptiness. The moon, if it had shown itself at all that night, was gone, and nothing but the light cast by Benjamin’s lantern offered solace from the creeping dark.

He’d reached the graveyard, home of his family tomb and its historic dynasty. It was a forbidden place, the site of his late mother’s suicide, where Leitners were entombed stretching back centuries. He hated this place, more than anywhere else on earth. But he’d come, alone as ordered to. He’d come, as he had no other option but to do so. And he’d brought the gold.

The letter was written in her typical style. Loquacious, expounding on the nature of their relationship, apologizing for her affairs, thanking him for standing by her throughout it, remaining at her side despite all the controversy of the town. Despite even her own parents telling him to abandon her as a lost cause.

She’d not only dragged herself down into the mud. But him as well. Benjamin the financier, of Wolfstone and Kauffman, now the cuckold of all of Austria. But worst of all, she’d tarnished the name of Leitner.

And when the accusation came, of witchcraft and devilry, of black magic and the most bestial of sacrilege, of whoring in the night endowed with opiates unto madness. Well, it was no wonder when Kauffman wanted out.

And still he stood by her.

Should he have been surprised when the letter came, demanding the last of his finances or else she’d accuse him in the papers of having masterminded it all? Of being an original scholar of the black arts?
That would render the Leitner name into devilry.

No. He couldn’t allow that.

Benjamin finished his pipe, the tobacco charred and ashen. He cast the ash into the wind then slipped the cherry wood pipe into his coat pocket, beside the letter crested with her seal.

Melinda. Oh, you wench.

I’ll be in the crypts, waiting.

He suspected she wasn’t alone. Benjamin suspected the whole carnal tribe to be down there, waiting for her.

Well, so much the better. Let them all wait for his arrival. Let them all see the truth, the forbidden history denied to the world. Stretching back into the foundation of the soil. Let them know who it was that the Leitner’s may be.

He stepped across the grass, peering at the graves of his forbears till he reached the central crypt. The iron gate was ajar and the darkness seemingly impenetrable. They were down there, waiting for him.

“Melinda,” Benjamin said to himself. “It could have been different. So different. But you threatened my name. For that, I cannot forgive you.”

He entered the crypts.

“Time to meet the family,” he thought to himself, almost with a laugh.

BananaFishSeparator.gif

He felt the vampire crouching in the dark corner but went ahead, ignoring the foul and cold presence. He was halfway down the steps when Melinda called out. "Come to me, my lover. I have need of you."

The heady scent of female longing projected by Melinda washed over his senses but instead of inciting hunger it kindled stifled laughter. Benjamin continued his measured approach a part of his mind sensing out the enemy, he counted four- including Melinda.

"Come now, faster to my bosom." Melinda again called in an almost sing -song tone, her hands gestured to the two other helpers to close in on Benjamin; not yet aware of what it is she was calling.

At Melinda's signal the three men acted with practiced confidence. Three silver lassos fell over Benjamin- two trapped his arms to his sides while the third was a noose around his neck. The bulky mercenary jerked at the noose and bringing Benjamin to his knees, a thin trickle of blood flowing from his neck where the noose bit into his skin, brought the vampire down jaws salivating at the scent of fresh blood. He picked up Benjamin and bodily threw him a few meters at Melinda's feet and lisped, fangs and saliva inhibiting clear speech. "For you, princess."

Melinda herself stiffened with desire as she savored the blood- scent. Her fangs popped out as she chortled in anticipation of a feast. Melinda bent down to touch Benjamin's face. Feeling the heat of life and blood coursing under the strained skin was another exquisite pleasure. "I want everything you can give meee..." She giggled and licked his cheek.

Benjamin spit at her, shocking a cry from her, because it was so unexpected and because the spit burned her skin where it landed. Melinda stood up rubbing her face clean with both her hands, only to notice that her vampire had killed the man holding Benjamin's noose, and was now busy drinking his blood. "Kauffman!" She shouted once, then twice to no avail. Then a struggled cry brought her attention to Benjamin. Another of her guards was dead and the third was dying with Benjamin's Knee at his neck. The ropes were nowhere to be seen.

Melinda backed away as fear started to envelope her undead heart. "What are you?"

"Old Blood. What you call Nephilim." Benjamin Leitner smiled at her. "I had high hopes for you, but..." He stood up frowning in distaste.

The contest: https://steemit.com/finishthestory/@bananafish/finish-the-story-week-46

*-Picture credit - Pixabay.com

Sort:  

Well, first of all, congrats on getting that @curie upvote like our last two entryists (new ones to this week). Very nice to see @curie helping out this community as much as they can while giving a new sense of energy to people where it is needed. So I’m happily swinging at that.

Unto the post: as to keep consistency I shan’t bother with @dirge’s prompt here other than what the closer/ending does with it. As such, I won’t refrain from quoting other commenters from below. Like @dirge’s comment of what hooked him in, and the lines of {"Come now, faster to my bosom." Melinda again} did caught my eye. I was wondering if I stepped into some old Feudal-Mercantile slang period or a Victorian one, both equally dirty contexts for this line. However, what reeled me actually was the first sentence with {"He felt the vampire crouching in the dark corner but went ahead, ignoring the foul and cold presence."} and making me wonder how confident he was. Seeing later that he didn’t exude some dæmon slaying tendency nor a careful vampire hunter, there had to be some trickery he prepared for their trickery. Especially as the @bananafish pointed out with the seductress mannerism of Melinda and how sloppily happy they were to plunge in on Benjamin Leitner. He had to have prepared for their vampiric indulgences, and I cought on as soon as Melinda realized her plan fucked up as Benjamin Leitner went bezerk on them mercs (mercanies). The grand reveal being that he had anti-Vampire / Old Blood / Nephilim coursing in him. Well, he truly was visiting the family and he’s gonna save his name at all costs... which five hundred limit reached, now we have to imagine the fight as Leitner jas probably some Castlevania encounter with Melinda.

La filosofía (The philosophy): Admittenly I like to rather, as to play of @dirge’s remarks on stock vampire characters and the @bananfish’s remarks on betrayal, to suggest this is the return to form of the classic vampires. Or more frankly as you can’t really do that in its purest form, you made a female Dracula story where the victims aren’t only the peasentry and proles but also the excommunicated/diminised/banished ruling class members. Here we can see where his concerns lie and what he does to even protect a name, whether it be for his class interests or securing some path for his future kin if he can get any in the future. Now can we make sense, in one movement, how Melinda was able to swindle him to his grave (acting qua the factionalist ruling class head). And one can say that she has bad reputation, but when was the last time you’ve heard of an affluent person being prisoned and remembered what they did? Now compare that to lumpen and regular proles and how many hands you’ve to steal to make a count such as that. In effect, your ending suggests a very clear inner circuit of class competition inside one’s own classes qua factionalism and the willingness to sacrifice at all costs to get rid of one’s own so one can have a bit more political gravitas over the other. A definite thing we see from the days of first societies to empires like the Han dynasty and Roma to the Feudal World to nowadays with Capitalism in its most economic form, that evem slandering someone has grave economic effects. By leaving the ending blank, it clearly gives way to multiple ending and multiple fights, yet clearly also showcases how even though contingent factors lead up to that scene, no one is sure who wins ‘til the last drop of blood is made. Much like inner class conflict qua factionalism.

So happy fiction-crafting and happy steeming!~
2B3B7E9B-9145-4764-B6B2-2C04A17CBC0E.gif

Some people don't know they've crossed the wrong person one too many times until it's too late.

Scary piece.

Congrats on the curie!

I didn't expect it to be so dark. And I didn't expect him to be whatever Old Blood is (probably something scary) :)

Great ending! I enjoy the way you built the story - first she feels superior to him and she is enjoying the moment before she kills him until things turn around and she is the one who's going to be dead..

Well done! Congratulations on your curie vote! Have a great start of the week!

Thank You! Feels good that you liked it.

Hi sarez,

This post has been upvoted by the Curie community curation project and associated vote trail as exceptional content (human curated and reviewed). Have a great day :)

Visit curiesteem.com or join the Curie Discord community to learn more.

Many Thanks to @curie and @bananafish

A skilful vampire ending, playing tropes intro expectations, that set up so perfectly for your ending.

The way you portray Melinda as the seductress works so well, tying into the standard image of vampires, and pulling the readers expectations along with you.

heady scent of female longing projected by Melinda

using her vampire powers to lull Benjamin into giving her what she wants, the insinuation that she has manipulated his employers, and that everyone around Benjamin has turned to her adds to the sense of betrayal.

The vivid description that brings the characters and their dialogue to life is fantastic

fangs and saliva inhibiting clear speech

The sudden turn, the moment when she thinks she has him, to in an instant find he has overpowered and is now killing those around her is brilliant. The sudden shock of action really adding to the weight of the moment. Letting the reader be equally taken by surprise is a very nice touch. And a Nephilim, one of the old sons of god, the ending just brings so much back to the story, and ties in so well to the 'meeting the family' line at the end, as to a Nephilim, the vampire hordes are as distant grandchildren, beautiful work!

I always sincerely appreciate your no-nonsense no-frills straight to a gut punch endings @sarez - and as always, very much enjoyed your take!

~ Calluna

Much appreciated !!

agree 100% with this

its hard to use the stock vampire character for something interesting. I think your skill as a story teller helped you avoid that problem.

You let the reader in on a secret here:

"Come now, faster to my bosom." Melinda again called in an almost sing -song tone, her hands gestured to the two other helpers to close in on Benjamin; not yet aware of what it is she was calling.

And this made me read to the end. I HAD to know, ok, if they are vampires, then what is Leitner going to be?

To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.

Brought to you by @tts. If you find it useful please consider upvoting this reply.

Congratulations @sarez! You have completed the following achievement on the Steem blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

You made more than 5000 upvotes. Your next target is to reach 6000 upvotes.

Click here to view your Board
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP

To support your work, I also upvoted your post!

Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard:

Carnival Challenge - Collect badge and win 5 STEEM

You can upvote this notification to help all Steem users. Learn how here!

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.28
TRX 0.12
JST 0.034
BTC 63463.10
ETH 3243.17
USDT 1.00
SBD 4.45