Finish The Story Contest - WEEK #28 My Entry

in #finishthestory6 years ago (edited)

Hello it is time again for me to try my hand at the Finish the story contest. I hope you enjoy my take on the ending of this story. Thank to @theironfelix for doing the start this week. This was a fun one to write a ending to. I home you all check out this contest We are always looking for more to join the ranks.

Revenge of Yayo Che

by @theironfelix

In the dawn of the Peruvian Jungle landscape, a Sendero Luminoso member spotted five OH-6 Cayuse helicopters but waived the anti-aircraft to not launch their load – the soldier radioed in that they finally came and to approach the compound. In these five helis, paratroopers were carrying Russian AK74s and were armored up. In the leading one, a certain lass finishes her cigar, then picks up the radio and begins to drum up a blood frenzy:

"In Cuba, the Cubans celebrate a hero - name’s Che. In the World of drugs, we got our own Che – he of course went by many names like el Rey de Yayo, but we know him as Yayo Che. A heart in a heartless world, a spirit in spirit conditions and a sigh of us oppressed folk. Yet the World couldn’t stand this – so the World robbed us of him! Killed anyone that followed him! And humbled our pride!... But from the mud we rechristened our humbled pride, determined to show them gusanos what the dirt tastes like and show them who the real cockroaches are! For if you mess with us, you’re messing with the BEST! And today marks… El Día de Juicio!”

As she released her radio, she heard from the radio static chants of “!Yayo Che!” and “!El Día de Juicio!” She saw from the dashboard that they were closing in to the compound, the place of the culo that ordered the hit – the Cuban Government intel was correct and she owned them a solid. Funny that they supported her endeavors, but she stopped laughing internally when she realized that political maneuvers and combatting La CIA influence was priority when it came to these matters. Considering this mission as her main payment to the Cubans, she snapped her mag into the AK74 and racked it.

Approaching closer, the pilot asked when to start popping the missiles and rain the lead thunder – her only reply being was “on my signal.” The pilot saluted and began to steer the OH-6 Cayuse into combat formation, resulting in the other helis following suit – she radioed in to the pilots to prepare for contact with anti-air craft and to rain hell, then she ordered to hang and kick the assassin’s corpse out. Moments later seeing her command followed, the pilot asked one last question before they got danger-close:

“¿Estás listo, Yayo Che?”

“¡Sí! Let the lead thunder start hammering the World! Let ‘em know El Día de Juicio!”

Soon she and her paratroopers parachuted and began their descent into the Jungle, there was no coming back and now they had to put all their hearts into it. She briefed all of them a million times on what was to be expected, the ins and outs of the compound and aid from el Sendero Luminoso – they were all going to move as one Arm, one Heart and one Spirit, for they had nothing to lose and everything to gain. El Día de Juicio truly began.

My Ending

Yayo Che landed in a clearing they had targeted. The Helis had done their job raining down gun fire and using the missiles as she instructed. Her men headed into the jungle taking positions to be ready for anyone that dared to try to fight them in the jungle. She had hoped they would come. Her men had the advantage here and was why they had chosen to land in this area. She was hoping that culo still had the pride to think he was untouchable that he would come out of that compound he had made. It didn’t matter to her. Either way his life was over he just didn’t know it yet. A loud explosion was heard and looking up one of the Helis was down. She gripped her cross pendent for a moment and moved into the jungle. She knew losses were necessary and so did her men.

He had heard the rumors that Yayo Che lived but didn’t believe them. He had killed him. His crew had found out who he was easily planed their attack. It was messy but he had killed the legend. It was so easy in the end. He heard on the radio that they had inbound coming by air and jumped up. Five helis are coming it had to be the government he thought coming to talk. Till the next messages came that they were under fire. He told his number two to lead the fight while he went to his safe room. They downed one and the rest had started to leave but there was a lot of damage to the walls. Also possible that someone had landed in the jungle parachutes had been seen. May be from the one they downed the thought. Send out some of men to get anyone so we can question them. He wanted to know who would dare to do this.

Only three she thought so he isn’t coming but at least we can get some info. She signaled her men letting them know to keep one alive. They really could not be matched in the jungle it was fast they two that died got the last one to drop his weapon with hope to live. She would let him long enough to find out what they would face inside. He didn’t resist for long 30 more men. They could handle that and headed for the compound and as darkness took hold they started to close in. The missiles had done what she hoped as holes in the walls where in many places. With a small distraction they had already got first men in. Soon the guards would be down. As she walked in the wall she got the report 10 down and all silent kills she smiled and started with core team to head to the buildings with a few left to watch for anyone that came to the compound.
They entered with easy. So sure of himself that they don’t lock the doors. They sept room by room clearing them out. Training was their life and this was why. Another 10 confirmed dead and no alarms yet. She wonder could he be this dumb.

He waiting in the safe room for the return of the men. He was on edge a bit but who would attack him. He had killed Yayo Che. He knew that all feared him. Then with a burst the door to the room outside opened and a flash. His eyes burned and he dropped down rubbing his eyes. When he stood up and looked the men out side where on the ground. Troops he didn’t know stood in the room and then she walked in with a smile on her face and walked right up to the room. Looking it over he stood tall trying laughed at them. Then using the radio began to talk “Who are you so brave to come after me little girl?”

She looked at the room. So he hides behind more walls. She picked up on of the radio’s and started, “Who am I… come on out and we can talk about it.” He didn’t move but she could see him laughing he thought he was safe. She motions to her men. This room so no match for what they had brought she just wanted him to live he wouldn’t understand.

He saw her motion and the men left they came back with bags. Out of it came strips he didn’t know what it was but he understood what it meant. They thought they could get in. He didn’t want to talk that chance. “You know who I am the man who killed Yayo Che the new Kingpin of this land what is it you want clearly you could work for me.” She answered “El Día de Juicio” and with that they put the strips over the door and left the room. He backed away but the explosion still knocked him down. He felt himself being pulled up to his knees and dragged of the room into the hall. She stood above him and he heard the man holding him say “Yayo Che what do you want us to do with him” He coughed and then spoke ”Yayo che is dead by my hands you men don’t know what you are doing you will all die for his my men..” her knee stuck him in the gut and she started “you never got close to me. The man you killed was not Yayo Che. But he was a man that worked for me he was close to me and today you and your men pay for that. Hang him she said and turn away. “Si, Yayo Che”

A few of the braver locals approached compound. As they went inside they saw him hanging there above a pile of money with a few word written on his chest. “Yayo Che Lives” The local men cheered as the gather the money to take back to the down. Yayo che had left them a gift and they knew to share it. For he would know and they would pay if they did not.

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Cool plot.

Immediately thought of Michelle Rodriguez...

source

Namaste, JaiChai

Years ago my daughter signed a contract to have her life story portrayed on film, and Michelle Rodriguez was going to play the lead. Never panned out--but she would have been perfect for the role.

I upvoted your post.

Thank you.
@Yehey

Posted using https://Steeming.com condenser site.

Hmm... There's some problems with the formatting and who's talking. I understood the differing POVs, just they came a little sudden (like a jump-cut in a movie). I would suggest like a little transition sentence so you can show the different POVs. Other than that, I didn't had to re-read this story as I could grasp the situation, but for others it may be hard. Anyways, upvot'd and resteem'd.
Interest'd.gif

Working on POVs could be highly beneficial.

It's a straight plot made of rampant action. @theironfelix was right and I wrote that also in the previous week, but I see that you're improving. It was quite smooth and alive, bravo Stephen!

I really like this. You have an impassioned fighter, a warrior who battles for a just cause. Blood and fire are necessary, but at least you give it some sense, some justification. Nice twist that Yayo Che is not dead. Also that he expects the bounty to be shared by all.
This is so visual, it almost seems you drew the pictures before you described the scenes. Quite an imagination.

Wow thanks man. I really like doing this cause I always thought hey my mind is always running wind wonder if I could write a story with it. I might not be very skilled at writing but I feel like at times I can give a good outline of what I want even if I can't craft it perfectly yet.

Mine runs wild, too. My husband shakes his head and says my mind never stops working. Wonderful, isn't it? Boredom isn't a possibility :)

I enjoyed this! I dig that final line, love that she keeps the legend alive.

I liked your "finish" to this story @stever82! And I read the comments as well ... perhaps to clarify the different points of view, you could just use a text divider?

Sorry I am not sure what you mean can you give me an example? But thank you for reading it. Glad you liked it.

Hey no problem; I just meant that when you switch perspectives (from one person to the next) and the story is coming from "there perspective", it might be useful to insert something like this to show that it's a break of sorts:

Does that make sense?

Okay I get it now I wasn't sure you meant that kind of divider.

Oh good. It's a non-literary fix of sorts, but I think it would help clarify it for some when they're reading :)

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