Sort:  



This post has been manually selected, curated and upvoted by CI mod staff team. Supporting all posts that are in high quality and don’t get enough recognition.



This post was submitted for curation by: @theironfelix
This post was voted: 100%

Novum kalium pirata.png

Congratulations, you've been selected to receive a 100% potassium enriched upvote from the @bananafish!

We are a safe harbor for every writer and poet. Freedom, solidarity, quality, inclusion: these are our values. Keep an eye on our weekly contests and grow with us in a friendly environment!

Join us! Here's your key to access the Bananafish Realms.

I'm just going to stop here to ask specifically if I just read a story that implicated... O_o - did I just read a rape story, I gotta read it again. The flags that suggested a "Gay" love: the crudely drawn heart, the other-wordliness of the setting, (Prisons in the USA culture being a place of Male-on-male sexual assault), the member rising, their names (both males btw) and then the creepy ending with the cry of insanity... It felt wrong, just wrong. My mind cannot compute the actual fuck I just read. I can retell the sequence of the story, how each lead to each and why things played out as they did. But message-wise... or the Whole of the story... I'm just lost... And I've seen the Twilight Zone classics as well... I-I don't know if I want to read it a fourth time with a close read... feel to mellow... I need a breather. I guess the intertwining worked here, not going to lie. But I am too reminded of my past that it feels like its merging too hard with those horrid memories... Sorry, I'm not going to leave a poem of four stanzas here - just one.

- Reporter, reporter! -


So they said you can speak

speak to the insane and bad

no matter the personality, so

so reporter, reporter! Solve this!~

I love @tristancarax. But thank you for pointing out that rape is never funny. Sometimes, when we write, we kind of take a step away from reality and lose sight of the implications of our words. This story struck me as quite hard, also. @tristancarax has a soft heart and is very generous. The horror of what he was suggesting probably didn't hit him.

And I love the man as well, well as a transbian. And yes, this should go for all things created to remember that all stories do indeed reflect the author and the society at large. So stories should at least have sensitivity to what is even being written, even for the most Surreal of stories. Yet I empathize with you knowing me. And I just want, even if I hadn't worded the best I can, for all people to become better and if any a person must write a story like R*** that they know how to not offend survivors of such.

It's just what came out for this week. It is a horror story. These things happen. 8-)

I've not written like this much so it was a surprise to me. Good to work out those demons.

Sometimes that soft heart of mine gets roughed up a bit to remind me of where I want to be and who not to hang around.

Glad you stopped by, @agmoore.

I won't take it personally if you have to skip things like this. No need to traumatize yourself further by reading my work.

I too know what it is like and I have a brother mixed up in it. Sad stuff.

I just want to kiss you on the forehead so badly... can you accept it if I were to just say I am thankful for this comment?

Praise for the originality of this experiment, dear Bananafish whisperer and official inspirer. It's like if you took an impressionistic painting depicting a picnic and you inserted shades and dark presences. I've to say that I'm quite impressed by your creative process.

Why thank you. Ever since I found "Writing the Natural Way," coming up with stuff hasn't been much of an issue.

You already told us about it.. think I need to check that. It seems working.

The appearance of setting out you cards at the beginning, very twilight zone, I love it. Also really love the weave approach, you have pulled it off for sure! You build the tension so well, even though we know from the off what we have, the way he bangs his cuffs against the cup <3

And this little subtle slip in that builds so much world in so few words

life-terms on a distant planet

The way you punctuate the email, building the suspense with the mention of the drawing, adding to it with our reporters reactions. I was hooked, but then finding out what the picture was of, the slow dawning of realisation as to what that meant, and what was going on. Yet again you lead us slowly down a dark path, not shying away from the darker shadows and gripping us so there is no turning back and we have to find out how it ends. Wonderfully done <3

@calluna, your powers of perception are very strong. I'm watching The Twilight Zone for the first time. The idea for this story came from the episode where a German officer has to live out his days on a ship he bombed full of women and children. I've been wanting to try weaving through a story for a while now and this beginning gave me the inspiration to do so.

I'm glad I was able to bring forth the reporter in a way that wasn't confusing. I was wondering if it was or not.

I'm playing around with space stuff.

Ah, yes, the picture. He should have taken his cue earlier to get out. haha.

Yes, another really dark one this week. What are you guys doing to me? 8-)

I applaud your courage and creative adventure, but I didn't enjoy that story one bit. If it hadn't been written by you, I wouldn't have read it! What a perfectly horrible scenario. A nightmare. You did an excellent job of blending, but... oh my, what an unpleasant journey.
Just my subjective reaction. Next time, take me to a more pleasant place, @tristancarax, my friend and great writer :)

This comment made me smile. You're very kind and thanks for the kind words.

This is a horrible thing that does happen. Maybe next time I'll write in Horror Story at the top so people will know what they are getting into as this is an unusual road for me to take.

We'll see, @agmoore. Where the story goes, no one knows.

I respect you and admire you...as a writer and as the person I have come to know on this forum. You have great sensitivity. So glad you didn't take offense. I was just horrified, though, by the scene. I look forward to reading your great writing.
Your friend, AG

You succeeded in your experiment with the format! This story did right by the tag and delivered a disturbing piece, Tristan. A man trapped in a room with a serial killer with nothing left to lose who slowly realizes that he's been offered up for the enjoyment of both the deranged man and those who should have been protecting him.

You've good timing with your details, as the dawning realization of the drawing's implications strike both the readers and the protagonist at the same time.

But I, a stubborn, deaf young man

This detail pulled me momentarily from the story, as there were sounds included that come from the reporter's perspective. One example being the description of the pitch of Mr. Dankworth's voice, something someone who was deaf would be unable to hear. Many who are deaf have adapted to the reading of lips (or perhaps the recorder had the words scroll for the reporter to read) so Dankworth's speaking itself wasn't jarring. Not meant as a criticism, more a helpful observation on how clashing these details can be.

~Bris

I was thinking deaf in a metaphorical sense not a literal one. Does it still not work that way.? - I was thinking that arrogant could be a replacement.

After reading the intro many times with the other entries in the contest, it was funny to read the lines you added.

Nice.

I got mixed reviews on this piece. 8-)

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.36
TRX 0.12
JST 0.040
BTC 70744.80
ETH 3561.94
USDT 1.00
SBD 4.80