The Extraordinary Café [my entry to Finish the Story #48]
This is my entry to @bananafish Finish the Story #48.
The Extraordinary Café
The warm smell of fresh brownies drifted across the cafe, ducking under the tables, squeezing through chairs, urged on by the fans; it flew. A gooey batch, chocolate chips still soft, had appeared on the counter. So loudly rang the placing of the tray, that Matt’s eyes glanced over, his mouth already watering, and so the enticing aroma managed to make him half consider ordering two.
Over Matt’s head, a clock's hand ticked a steady background beat, drawing his attention. For all wandering eyes, it was ten to two; she was twenty minutes late. A huff of impatience escaped his cracked lips, his mind drifting back to the crowded room.
An elderly man sat slouched at the table across from him, his broadsheet newspaper out of place in a room full of faces glazed by the light of phone screens. Matt‘s hand instinctively touched his own in his pocket. If he got it out, his eyes would be glued hard to it, in case the light flashed. His mind knew it would vibrate, but the flash came first. It was an addiction he couldn’t fight. Not to the phone. To her.
His mind buzzed and beeped, unable to fight the itch of wonder…
”...where was she?”
The old man‘s mouth let go of a cough, accompanying the symphony of crinkling as he flipped a page. Matt’s eyes darted up, accidentally catching his gaze, the man smiled at him eagerly folding the paper away.
Matt’s mind shuddered, cursing itself as the man rose, heading towards him. As soon as the stranger came within ear shot, Matt called out trying to put him off.
“Sorry mate, i’m waiting for someone.”
The grin over the worn face widened.
“Someone who still ain’t here yet, ‘ow about a bit of company, to help with the waiting? Whatcha say?”
Put on the spot, Matt’s thoughts already ablaze, he found himself nodding before reason could interject. The flame in his mind was inundated with worries and the urge to call her now - to see where oh where she was. Matt didn’t have the patience for small talk, but it was too late; the elderly man was lowering himself into the chair opposite.
The chair eeking with the slow applying pressure of aching joints, a wry smile found itself on the old man’s lips. In the opposite side of tension: a forced smile began forming on Matt’s dry lips, his hand quivering but extending for an introduction.
My ending
"Today's youth don't know how to have fun."
Matt aimlessly wagged thumb over the phone screen pretending not to pay attention to the old man.
"They're just starring to those phones. What's the cantrip of that life?"
Matt felt his head burning, he unconsciously nodded so that the old man not be offended. There's no end to the story when an old man starts to talk.
"We really knew to make fun. We were listening to real music. Sound and rhythm that made us dancing as crazy. This music today? It's not the music. There's just: t-s t-s t-s t-s... There's no emotion in that modern music."
More frequently Matt was looking towards the entrance in the hope to see her getting in. The old man's speech echoed in his head like an old pot dinging.
"Sorry," the old man said. "I didn't introduce myself. I'm Garry." He gave a hand to Matt.
Matt said his name shaking Garry's hand. Garry continued to talk and Matt nodded.
Finally, she came. Matt was relieved when he saw her. She seemed more beautiful than ever before.
"Hey, Eleonora honey! You're here." The old man got up while a wide smile appeared on his face.
"Honey?!" Passed through Matt's mind while the pressure belted his head. Eleonora's and Garry's short kiss disarranged him.
"Where you want me to take to, dear?" Garry was in a young man's mood.
"Ouagadougou. I wanna see Africa!" A wide smile enchased Eleonora's face.
"Your wish is the order to me, princess." Garry took a phone and made a call. "Hey, Jimm. Prepare the plane, I'm going to Ouagadougou."
"Hey, Nora!" Matt stood up. "What does this means?"
"You know each other?" Garry was surprised. "I just wanted to introduce you. Matt is such a good guy."
"Well, Matt, you know..." Eleonora was shy a little. "I didn't know how to say. But you're too good for me."
"He's your boyfriend?" Garry asked.
"He was till now," Eleonora said.
"You didn't say you're taken," Garry looked to Eleonora as the suspicious.
"Let's go, Garry," Eleonora wanted to go over Garry's question. "I take me to Ouagadougou."
"Oh no," Garry stopped her. "We have to solve this. Matt, as I can see, you're not a puny guy like these in the crowd around. We have to take a men's talk right now."
"Sure," Matt agreed. "Let's do it."
"No, no, no..." Eleonora tried to stop them. "Stay here, guys! We can solve this in some other way!"
"Wait here, Nora," Garry said.
Matt and Garry went out.
"So," Matt stood before Garry. "Let's solve this."
"Not here," Garry said. "Come after me. Gentlemen don't solve problems at the street."
Matt went after Garry. He looked at his nape thinking to hit immediately, but he gave it up. Garry went to a small cafe at the corner holding the door wide opened making the entrance to Matt. There was something strange in the situation. Matt expected serious solving of the men's problem, but they just changed the place.
"Two beers," Garry said to the barman.
The barman put two beer bottles on the bar. Garry took a beer showing Matt to take the another. Matt took a beer at a loss.
"Cheers!" Garry tapped Matt's bottle.
"Will we solve the problem?" Matt asked.
"What problem? Eleonora?" Garry shook his hand. "Forget her, man. If she'd betrayed you, she'll betray me."
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This is how real men solve the problems :) On one side I'm not happy in the way how you picture Eleonora but yes, there are girls who are like her. On the other hand I'm glad to see how you made them resolve this problem. The world would be such a nicer place if all problems were solved like theirs :)
Thank you for sharing and congratulations on your curie vote!
Ahhh this is such a good take for the ending! Bros over erm... ladies haha I love it. You manage to create a story that tells a greater picture, casting the first half in a new light. I can just imagine Garry meeting Eleonora somewhere, how natural it seems that he would have approached her, his affable easy way with people drawing her into conversation despite his age, and then the hint that maybe she is somewhat of a gold digger getting her comeuppance. She must have seen it coming, having agreed to meet them both in the same place, although maybe she didn't expect Matt would wait as long as he did, so either she underestimated his devotion, or she chose to break up with him by letting him see her with someone else. Although appreciate the twist on how that normally goes, the person seeing their loved one with someone younger and more attractive instead being Matt seeing Nora with a much older guy he personally found boring.
This becomes a tale of youth and wisdom, Matt still wanting to fight for the girlfriend who just tried to run off with some old dude in front of him, and Garry, although not so directly betrayed himself (although she didn't tell him about Matt) who chooses not to get involved in that. I really like that you end on the note of Garry taking Matt for a drink, more concerned with the young man who would let someone treat him this way. A great way to play the characters unexpectedly!
Thanks. I'm glad you like it.
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Gentlemen's agreement. Nice!
Garry has to be a Vulcan. An excellent, logic, and civilized way to solve a problem.
Very well
Wahaha awesome! I drank this story like a fresh beer. That's what we need. A lot of humor and comedy timing in the dialogues plus a brilliant ending. I would see a theatrical version of this. Loved it. -@f3nix
That just made me depressed. Serves her right. She's very wicked. I love how you ended it, never could have thought of that. The old man really did well.
Another surprise ending. It's amazing all the different directions that beginning a tale can take us. So not only was Elenora rude in being late, she was a gold digging cheater as well. But Matt was still ready to go outside with Garry and fight for her, even after seeing that she was throwing him over for the old rich guy. Thank goodness that Garry had the wisdom to be sensible and recognize her for what she was. And to take Matt out for a drink and advise him to let her go. Age and wisdom counseling youth. Too bad Elenora was a bad person.
Sorry for being late, finally got some time to make a comment before I lose myself to another bout of sleepy naps. Like I have to repeat to other posts, this was a coprompt between me and @calluna. I mean, there's a reason she was mentioned in the contest page post. Nae worries, but keep that in mind for whenever people are mentioned to be working together. Anywho, unto the post!
La filosofía del texto (The philosophy of the text): Ah!~ The beautiful presentation of the "modern problem of technology" - much not insulting either party. Matt fully aware he is on a fone (phone) and the old man cranky (and probably not realizing the irony) of contemporary culture which just reflects a modern technological edge to his yesteryears. Really shows that despite small content changes, form really does matter for things; his music to Matt's contemporary music, the newspaper to the fone (phone); his yada yada yada to Matt's so on and so on (yes this was getting tired, let's move on, but let's give a celebration to that @curie upvote! Hoorah!~). Then we get to central problem of the ending, with the beginning of the ending as a more farcical joke of the tragedy of how generations get consumed by their own tech: the spouse that cares not for personality but the indulgence of wealth. Though much a critique (and somehow placed symbolized and shown through non-males) of Capitalism and the moneyed relations it has permeated to every bit of culture the World has long been running with, the usual response of the cheated spouses not fighting over the cheater nor one spouse just "winning" over the other has been entirely evaded. In fact, the term I was looking for was "subverted" and subverted it was that she hadn't a clue where they went. But this shouldn't a subversion, at least at another time; yet with how much media portrays the male figures fighting over non-males, it was a much needed subversion than a funny one to stick to golddigers. And upon that note, it's very much clear that the main interests of the cheater is not what is in the cheated spouses but what they can provide on their own grounds. She easily, if she had really wanted to, developed a polyamorphic relationship; especially since the male figures were getting along just fine. Instead, she's merely a husk of a deeply rooted problem of moneyed relationships and how that makes impossible for relationships to be stable and breakups to be more than money. As I reading to the end, despite a huge pecking age gap, it felt much like a brotherly/fraternal (possibly gay if age wasn't a problem) relationship that was kindled when they realized the absurdity of moneyed relationships. (On a sidenote to return to what I said earlier on non-males being an odd signifier for the ills of a system: it very much is a problem and often writers like to use these times to also present their misogyny full force along with describing an ill with a Social Order, per se Capitalism. This post, at least in my eyes, has avoided misogynistic posing and stuck much a deep bowie knife into moneyed relationships. Of course us Eastern Europeans would know how to actually critique things better than those damned Western Europeans still harping on tropey stereotypes. Of course, everything I said and all mój Ukochany, @calluna, said will apply here as well~ :p)
La forma (The form): I love, love, love, love (times that all by four) the usage of small paragraphs and constant dialogueing all about. Very much sticking to the flow of a course of events passing through instead of following an impressionist or abstract expressionist piece of writing. Feels like a realism, but a realism that isn't down-trodden literally seventy-five percent of the time but a half of the time; the usage of real-life as a means to create a critique on the very real things of society and revealing, parcel-package-wise, a change away from the established norms with people giving the smallest of actions (which could lead into bigger actions; where contingencies become necessities of why things came about). Of course, what should I expect, less from mój serbski przyjaciel (my Serbian friend)!?! Nie, the Slavics shall weird all out by actually taking life by the horns and later transcribing what we saw in those fiery eyes unto paper with our blood or a drip of the honorable fighter that is life itself!
Awesome. This is a perspective that provides the reader with a better understanding of what a true friend will do.
Gary is a type that I'd like to have more of in my life. Positive energy.