Struggling to Meet the Forgivemyself Challenge: I am already forgiven

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There is rain tapping away on the back porch and flooding in cool air. I have a week of rain ahead of me, which under some circumstances would give me the blues, but instead it has turned me inward. I’ve been working on finishing all those things that I have procrastinated on.

One of those things is the #forgivemyself challenge which @riverflows nominated me for. I procrastinated on this because I read a few excellent posts which honestly broke down deep feelings and told interesting life stories. I can’t do any of that, because there is nothing I feel needs forgiving.

That sounded really arrogant.

This is my personality type. It is not that I don’t have bad memories, failures, and things that I wish I had done differently, but I don’t hold it against myself. If you are a believer in astrology, then for my sign this makes sense. My main astrological trait is that I’m moody. I can terrorize myself about something, and then the wind changes. Being fickle certainly has its upsides.

Recently I was trying to explain to children why it is that we don’t tear the house to shreds and act like maniacs. I was groping for words. The one I found was “respect”, but I couldn’t define it. Google advised me:

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We treat our toys and possessions with respect because we deeply admire their functionality.

"I deeply admire having a glass to drink out of, therefore don’t get hyper and bounce off the walls, causing my glass to bounce off the ceramic tile. You deeply admire your toy vehicles for their ability to entertain you, so don’t break them."

I deeply admire my functionality. And staying fully functional for me requires release, often times immediately.

I’m starting to sound like a rather immoral character—the sort of person that has no remorse for bad actions. Untrue. I definitely have remorse, sometimes extremely, but usually the wind changes after a period of time. I remember that I am not a perfect person and can’t expect to act like one. The best way for me to honor a screw up, and to immediately forgive it, is to commit to change the action that caused it. My primary job in life at present is being a mother, and this absorbs most of my time and therefore creates my internal conflicts. There have been so many nights (I am grateful I cannot remember the number) that I sat up regretting losing my temper, or not doing all that I could, not paying enough attention, not… And I cry, and I feel terrible, and then I always vow to make a change. Sometimes the change comes slowly, but that vow to change is the token of forgiveness.

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A somewhat flawed bouquet of flowers picked by a toddler.

But where is it that the respect for one’s self comes from? Do some people earn it? Is it something that is gleaned from having a happy, supportive childhood? Or is it innate? It must be different for all people, but I think mine is innate. Again, back to that shifty astrology stuff, I’m pretty sure this life philosophy is another common trait for my sign.

I don’t mean to imply that people that need to find forgiveness don’t respect themselves, this is simply my mechanism, and every spirit is unique.

There are some things about my character that I would like to improve upon: Being less mediocre, pressing on when the going gets tough, calming down my short temper, holding myself carefully to my moral standards, reducing negative thinking, having stronger willpower…

I am a flawed human. I forgive myself for all these failures, and now that this prompt got me to list them, I need to make a point of vowing to improve upon them.

I’m not sure I followed the basic guidelines for this challenge. I need to add “improve following directions” onto the list above.

Here’s a picture of this flawed but forgiven human well embellished by no makeup, no contacts, post-dog walk in the rain, and very flawed lighting (but you just don't care about lighting post-dog walking in the rain):

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This is the work of a flawed phone. I dropped my phone and cracked the little selfie window. (Note to self – Must be gentler with electronics)

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Aw you are gorgeous. I wish I had your calmness and ease of self. Life is definitely a work in progress. I feel like I know you a little more now, which was really part of the point of tagging you. There were no real rules at all, just the tag and the opportunity to think about self forgiveness, because we are so hard on ourselves sometimes.

I dont think it's a personality problem to not feel as if you need to forgive yourself! In fact, by saying that, aren't you doing that on a daily basis? I flaw, I'm human, it's all good, trying my best, another day, keep on going?

I can just imagine you reading your kids the google definition of respect when they're naughty - strikes me as hilarious. :)

I don't think you are mediocre at all - anything but! The only thing I hold against you right now is omitting your starsign - I love that shit!

@mountainjewel, as promised, here's another xx

Thanks so much for sharing, @ginnyannette !!

Thanks @riverflows, I feel like I know you better from your post too.

Haha, moody resilient cancer here.

Nothing better when everything collapses to give us the space to connect with those things that we always postpone.

I agree. It feels so good to get all that weight of the unfinished off.

Oh, I really love this post of yours. I just can't say you are a flawed human, but I do can say you are a human, because it implies both, imperfection and perfection. And the best of you......, you flow like water my dear friend :) Best wishes.

Thanks. Good point - life does embody both extremes.

Thanks for stopping by. I love when people read my posts, it makes me so happy :D

it's a wonderful skill if you can forgive yourself because you think there's nothing to forgive. it's a perfect starting point: love yourself no matter what and then you can love others too :)

thank you for sharing!

Yes, I think it is a good starting point, although I'm definitely a work in progress :)

Thanks for stopping by!

I don't think you're mediocre! No one needs to be forgiven for not being perfect or not choosing the right path or things like that. The problem with humans is that we always feel guilty about things we shouldn't. We're imperfect beings, we fail, we cry, we made mistakes but we also laugh, we do good things, we learn from those mistakes. Feeling guilty for things you can't control is useless, it just screw you emotionally. Somewhere along the way someone told us that we needed to forgive ourselves for making mistakes or not being the best person we can and thats wrong. Why do we have to forgive ourselves for making mistakes or not being perfect? Is not like we do things knowing what holds the future!

I do believe in forgiveness, but why do we have to forgive ourselves for being humans? I believe in acknowledging, thats the proper way. I acknowledge that im not a perfect person and i don't try to be one either, I make mistakes that sometimes led to hurting myself or others, I dont need to forgive myself because I didn't do it in purpose, what I do need is to acknowledge what went wrong and learn from it. Thats the proper way, that when the real emotional healing comes. Otherwise its just you feeling miserable because you think you can't forgive yourself or you need to forgive yourself like if being human and do what humans do is a bad thing.

Left forgiveness for the times you knew you were doing something bad that could screw you or screw someone and did it anyway. Forgiveness is for those times, not because you're human and no one is perfect. Embrace yourself, be yourself, be proud of who you are! Acknowledge the things you don't like and change them if you want.

I agree with everything you said here. I think we have largely the same view, but using different terminology. That is a good point about forgiveness only being required if the act was intentional. For instance, I have a tendency to make my kids say they are sorry when they hurt each other by accident. It is good manners, but it is meaningless - there was nothing to forgive as it was simply a freak thing that caused the pain. I suppose the gray area lies actually in regret. For instance, when someone hurts you by accident and is deeply sorry, but you still can't let it go, that is regret over what happened. I do have regret about many things, and I agree with you - we all do. That's life. But I do not feel like I need forgiveness over any regrets. I suppose this comes down to how you define "forgiveness". Boy I'm picking this apart :)

Acknowledge the things you don't like and change them if you want.

Yep, that's my mantra. It is funny how tricky it can be to zero in on things that need change in the day-to-day. Procrastination of mind and body is strong within me.

That's the good thing about being human. You change if you want, if not then be who you are and be happy about it! Forgiveness is about mind freedom but people use it to enslave themselves. About the procrastination thing, I don't think you're doing it. Somehow the things you don't like about yourself found the way to work fine and its working properly otherwise you had change them long time ago! 😅

Hmm...interesting. I've always pegged myself as being a bit self-defeating, but maybe I am unconsciously working things out.

I need to go to sleep and have a talk with my subconscious. We need to hash this out.

I think there are many people who could be helped by a post such as this. As for needing to forgive myself, I'm like you and I seem to be one of the rare happy most of the time people.

A recent Facebook (Am I allowed to say that?) post summed up my feelings. In short, it said not to envy the green grass of others but to water the grass you're standing on.

I have gotten the vibe off you that we have a similar disposition.

The F-word - you can say it here; I'm one of those users that still utilize my F-account too. That is a very good saying. On a grand scale I think I take it to heart, but forget to for the day-to-day little stuff. I should tape it to the back of my phone.

If the grass looks
greener on the other side...
Stop staring.
Stop comparing.
Stop complaining.
Start watering the grass
you're standing on.

Angel Chernoff

I love the photo you posted. There is nothing mediocre about you! Just the little I have been getting to know you I see many talents and special qualities. Being gentle with yourself is a good skill to have-and not many people have it. We are all a work in progress, and you seem like you are progressing pretty darn well.

Thanks Janice.

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