My first boyfriend's mother chose to die when he was 13 years old. She's not the only one I know that did so, but the impact on his life was so profound that it haunts me to this day. For many years I felt anger and resentment toward people who would choose to die, considering them selfish and weak. Seeing the devastating impact of this decision on the man I love of course influenced this view, as my heart bled for him - his fear of abandonment, his terrible unresolved grief, the fact his family never spoke about it or never got him to a counselor. I loved him so much that I wanted to go in a time machine and grab her and stop her flinging herself off that bridge for his sake. It clouded his entire life, and the life of his family.

The storm left to wreak havoc on the people left behind is devastating. Have you seen this? It compelled Kevin Hines to tell his story worldwide to help others. He says it's a struggle, a battle, but if you have hope, if they're given hope, it will change their lives and make them want to live. 800,000 people dying every year from suicide? Aboriginal men more likely to die by suicide? Australian kids more likely to die from suicide than car crashes or drugs? We all know someone who has done this and it breaks our hearts, yet we forget to help people sometimes. Forget it's so important to help people in their times of darkness, to give them hope. That we have the potential to help someone clear a little of the storm clouds away.

I feel such empathy with the suffering of those who choose to die and feel angry and puzzled about a society that causes people to be damaged that they would prefer to die over the beautiful mess of living this human experience. Of course, I have always sympathised more with those who choose to end physical pain and believe it's their right to do so - so how is mental pain any different, I might ask myself? Is it that we just have forgotten that life is about death, and suffering, and reject this in our lives? Or perhaps it is that we have not been shown light and hope, a way out of the mess and the dark spaces they've found themselves in often by no real fault of their own?

Talking to my Buddhist friends, their practice of meditation is all about preparing to die as a way of living. We suffer every day, and life IS essentially suffering, but this is what living IS and we have a responsibility to fulfil this dhamma. We must come close to our suffering, to the prospect of death, to appreciate the joy and preciousness of life.

“Analysis of death is not for the sake of becoming fearful but to appreciate this precious lifetime.” — Dalai Lama

We can die at any moment, so may as well fully live.

But what about those who are choosing to die? Is this a freedom like any other? Christians pose it as amoral, but I've not ever subscribed to a Christian God, so I don't know enough or believe enough to go there. Buddhist believe there is nothing inherently wrong with suicide, if it's not done in anger, hate or fear. An equanomous mind and a prepared mind is key - can the mind remain in harmony with itself? If the mind is at peace, the suicide might be right - hence whilst those facing palliative care might be 'right' in choosing to die and no law on Earth should be working to prevent that.

Again, from a Buddhist perspective, as far as I understand it, is that death is the problem, not the solution - to choose to die is just to shift the problem to another consciousness. There is no escape. You also miss the chance to change - to use suffering as a springboard for growth and transformation. The path is the obstacle - but this is an aid, not an impediment, to a good life. This is the nature of samsara. Suffering is just a relationship with pain, and when we haven't learnt to relate to it in a proper way, it can overcome people to the point that escape seems a better solution.

Do we have the right and the freedom to die? Absolutely. It is our choice, and to prevent someone making that choice might cause more harm to them which goes against the precept of doing no harm, however, if we can take action to show them another way, we might just increase their freedom by encouraging them to see that they are falsely identifying with the stormclouds, as if they are who we are and all that is. If we - they - could know that they are not those thoughts, would they respond to them by choosing to die? If they were given any kind of hope might they choose to die? If they were given the hope and support they needed, would they choose to die?

I felt desperately sad when an ex-student died from suicide a few months back. I wish I could have done something to help, and that as a society, we were doing more to help people know that all thing pass, and that they are not their thoughts. I think it's a problem of a society that increasingly declares itself free of religion whilst also denying spirituality has any place in our lives. I think that's why the 'mindfulness' aspect of Buddhism is so needed and getting more and more popular in society because it is recognizing that we need to relax into difficult parts of our life and give space for joy too. It's this that can give people hope - even when death seems a valid escape from suffering. By knowing that however painful life is, that it will pass, and things will one day be okay, people may be assisted to make a more free decision rather than being bound and trapped by their suffering.

All this seems like an easy solution, but it's not always so simple. As Kevin Hines says, he was a champion footballer and denied he had a mental illness because it didn't match his view of who he was as a man. It's often seen as a sign of weakness. It's this kind of view that kills - in Australia, it's the leading cause of death of young people. How can we support people who are too scared to ask for help? Who don't know how? Who refuse the idea that they have a problem until it's too late?

We don't have real freedom or real choice over our decisions to die if we aren't given complete access to unclouded decision making. If we are slave to our thoughts and the dark clouds passing, we are not free. If we aren't given support and love and space to access our potential, we aren't free. We might have the right to die, but we aren't free to die until we can make a decision that is unclouded, true and peaceful.

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Oh, @eaglespirit sister, you have dropped a heavy one on us this week. It's the kind of question I wanted to shy away from, because it's going to be hard, but I believe in Freedom Friday so much that I had to engage with this one. If anyone reading this is having dark thoughts, please hit me up on Discord. You are valued, loved and needed in this world.

If you would like to participate in this week's Freedom Friday conversation, please comment below, and check out the tag through the weekend to see what others might say about the topic: 'Freedom to Choose to Live or Die'.

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If you're a supporter of all things natural healing, you might like to read our introductory post here. We'd also love to welcome you on Discord here!!