It is Friday once again, FreedomFriday to be more precise. Usually this topic excites me, but today, today we are being asked by @eaglespirit to talk about the freedom to live or die. Well the freedom to choose really. This week the topic is quiet heavy, as it is also something that I imagine has affected quiet a lot of us. On the one hand, the only thing we really and truly have any control over ( if we wish to take it)is ourselves. So looking at it from that angle, it really should be our choice how we choose to live our lives, or not if the case may be.

I have lost two friends to suicide, one whilst I was still in secondary school and they other when I was a young adult. Both were heart breaking, heartbreaking for those of us left behind. For those who chose to end their life I can only imagine that it felt like a release for them. A release from the heavy burden, that they felt life to be. It is always those left behind that have to deal with the pain, the sorrow, the guilt, wondering, could I have prevented it. Wondering all the time if they should have been more present, blaming themselves and some times taking it very personally. But then these are all stages of grief.

I know when I was a teenager, suicide was something I contemplated quite a lot, but I never went through with it. I never felt strong enough to take my own life. I saw it as an act of strength, not a cop out. If you were really suffering in life, why would you want to continue, if everything you tried, just did not help, are you not the stronger person, when you make that decision to put an end to that suffering once and for all?

I am asking these questions because I do not know the answer, yet with suicide can there ever been a right answer?

I have worked in mental health in the past. I used to look after people in their homes and do my best to keep them out of hospital. So many of these people that I worked with were so sensitive, they seemed to be able to feel the pain of all those around them, so a lot of them chose to live alone because it was easier for them that way. But the stigma that they experienced was slowly destroying them. Local people were able to identify them, not because of their suffering but because of the medication they were taking, the side effects that they experienced. The bullying, the taunting , that led to some of them taking their own lives. What was the better option here, continue living a life in isolation with no other options, continuing such a tortured existence or decide to end your life and suffer no more.

I remember looking after a women in Australia, she was experiencing post natal depression, yet no one recognized it. I have my own ideas as to why some suffer from post natal depression, but that is not what this is about. One day, she parked her car next to a block of flats and went in. She took the lift to the top floor and found a way out onto the roof. She jumped with her 9 month old baby in her arms. She had been feeling so low, so guilty for not being able to connect with her baby. These strong feelings of worthlessness, worthlessness as a woman and a mother, drove her up to the top of that apartment block. She survived the jump, but her baby did not. She did not want to leave her baby without a mother, so she took her with her.

This was 11 years ago and I still can not think about that women without crying. She was being held in a general hospital in a room with armed police, as she was being charged with murder. The police where there to make sure she didn't take her life before she stood for trial. Surely in this case, that woman should be allowed to take her own life, how could she possibly live with herself after that. Hadn't she been punished enough. They only thing she ever said when I was with her was, I want to die, I should be dead, I am not meant to be here. And I agreed with her, I still do.

Society really failed her. Like it has failed so many others. This so called society that so many are being forced to live in.

I have seen families torn apart by suicide, but then I have also seen families torn apart when a family member has given up on life and simply just exists. I acknowledge the huge amount of pain and suffering that those left behind have to go through, I have been there, I feel you.

I believe that, we should have the freedom to choose life or death. The real problem, is that many feel like Suicide is the only option. There needs to be more options, for those who are struggling in life. Because Suicide is a real part, of the world we live in today. A world were we as people and individuals are not valued, where self love is not practiced enough. A world were so many have forgotten what kindness is. A world were we judge to much and have forgotten how to listen, listen to ourselves and others.

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