Maybe not so Smart - My Freewrite
At the time, it seemed the right thing to do. Maybe not the smartest, but the right thing.
She couldn't just leave him behind. He never would make it without her . that she knew.
Of course, now she knows that he could have and would have and that she could have used 10 years of her life looking out for herself instead of making him a priority.
But it seemed the right thing. Everyone was saying it - some even still say that.
That made her mad. Especially when aunt Mathilda kept saying that it was the right thing to do.
Women are supposed to sacrifice. What the fuck does that mean?
Now she knows that all those books she read as a little girl gave her that idea. The feeling that as a woman, that is what she has to do. Suffer in silence.
Maybe not suffer. Oh, how dramatic she can get. She had to smile at that part. But then again, not being able to choose, or choosing that what doesn't make our souls sing is a kind of suffering.
Not the kind of the empty stomach or the never-healing wound on the body. But the soul got a little stab every time she was choosing to deny herself. The stab wounds were invisible but bleeding just the same. Bleeding the joy out of her life. Even the will to live. Why go on if it felt like misery all the time. It would be so much easier to just roll over and be done with it. That really would not have been smart!
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Thank you so very much!!!
I can relate, as I am sure you know. Suffering in silence is never good for the soul.
This post is sponsored by @SteemitBloggers in collaboration with @appreciator. Just keep up the good work.
The story of so many women rolled into that 5 minutes
Felt those stabs.
And these "Aunt Mathilda's, .... why? why?
I know. Aunt Mathilda's and clergy and well-meaning friends. I wonder how many women have found themselves in this situation. And men too. I know my husband (in his first marriage) felt very early that it had been the wrong choice. But the clergy he turned to told him that he committed and now has to go through with it. Imagine to council a 20 something young person like that. and I wonder how his and her life would have turned out if they would have called it quits then. We will never know, of course, but...
Wow, you packed so many levels of emotion in such a short space! Excellent result, @mariannewest and congrats on the #steemitbloggers daily member boost!
via GIPHY
Thank you so much!!! I am very honored to have received it!
Wow! I hope this didn't spring directly from personal experience, but the ring of authenticity here tells me if it isn't you, it's someone very close to you (mother, sister, friend) stuck in this rut. My mom quotes Ecclesiastes - "accept your lot in life" - but someone else recently commented that this seems to be what the downtrodden are taught to believe (to keep them underfoot). This is powerful writing about the powerless: not being able to choose, or choosing that what doesn't make our souls sing is a kind of suffering....the soul got a little stab every time she was choosing to deny herself. The stab wounds were invisible but bleeding just the same. Bleeding the joy out of her life. Even the will to live.
Thank you so much!
There is a little bit of my own experience, friends, and things I see and read in this. Certainly, the part about the books I read as a girl/teen were very much about women being of service - or maybe that was my interpretation.
Thank you!
Sheesh! That's quite hectic. Well written and said - in just 5 minutes!
Thank you. It does have a lot packed into it.
Uuurgh... That's very miserable but yeah maybe sometimes the best choice aren't the smartest of all.
Congratulations @mariannewest, you got boosted and welcome to Steemitbloggers too! 💕
Hmm, I don't know if there were best choices in this scenario. But it is always easy afterwards to know if it was a smart choice or not. 😛
Great freewrite! You're hitting on some very real topics and I like it!
My grandmother, a staunch Catholic, always shushed any complaining from my mom about life, marriage, work etc. with the words, We women all have our cross to bear. I grew up hearing that so often, but thankfully realized by the time I was 40 that it was all bullshit :) Better late than never!
Loved the freewrite @mariannewest!
I am so happy that you broke free of that chain. So weird that women did it to each other. I am sure there is a bit of self - protection in that. If you see/acknowledge that a certain treatment is wrong for someone else - you have to look at your own life and maybe do something about it.
And in all fairness, our grandmother didn't have many choices.