We-Write #6: A Morning Swim

in #freewrite5 years ago

A big thank you to @zeldacroft and @freewritehouse for the weekly we-write contest! The first part of the story was provided by @zeldacroft:

There was still a coolness in the air as Thomas walked through the park. The warming sun was about to break over the old maples by the playground, a golden gradient emanating from behind the treetops into the azure skies above him. Beautiful, he thought. He strolled on with the energy only a morning person could muster and made his way to the poolside locker rooms.

Once inside, he changed into his usual bathing suit and crammed his gym bag into one of the lockers. They were cramped and who knows how old, the sort designed for longevity over function. But Thomas quickly moved on, shivering slightly from stepping on the cold tile.

Now on the marginally warmer concrete, he examined the area before diving in. You never know with a community pool, he remembered. Pretty soon he’d have fallen leaves to contend with, but for now the water was actually fairly clean. Past the little fence around the pool deck Thomas saw someone walking their dog a little farther in the park. Not exactly private, he conceded, but at least it’s quiet.

Although there was a diving board at the ten-foot-deep end of the pool, Thomas preferred to start his swimming sessions by entering the pool via the stairs at the shallow end. As a younger man, he had always started with a dive, but now, with graying hair and the occasional sore muscle, it seemed wiser to make a gradual start. As usual, the water was a little cooler than he'd prefer, but he figured it was good for him. Soon he was swimming laps from end to end, watching the sun rise over the treetops and listening to the birds sing in the maples.

A loud splash disrupted the peaceful scene. Thomas paused in mid-lap and turned to investigate. The dog he had seen in the distance had leaped into the pool and was paddling around happily in the shallow end. Its human was jogging toward the pool, panting a little.

"I'm so sorry," the woman gasped. "She somehow slipped her collar and headed straight for the pool. She loves water, but I know she's not supposed to be swimming in the community pool." She began to call the dog, but it ignored her completely. A sunbeam brightened the water around the playful dog. As Thomas and the woman watched in amazement, the dog underwent a gradual transformation in the water and turned into a beautiful mermaid. It then swam over to Thomas, grabbed him by the hand, and pulled him under the water. Neither Thomas nor the dog was ever seen again.

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I definitely didn't anticipate that sudden twist. Well done @scribblingramma

Thank you so much! Actually, I didn't see it coming, either. It just happened.

Mermaid disappeared in a ten-foot-deep pool. That's pretty imaginative! I also liked how slow and detailed the pace of the narrative was up to that point when the dog jumped in the pool and how quickly all the important transformations have taken place.

I can imagine how the operator goes over every little detail. Then suddenly the director tells him "Hey, Brian, we ain't got the whole life to shoot this flick. Finish it up quickly. The rest we will do in the editing room!"

Way to go!

Thank you so much for your encouraging comments! When I write a freewrite, I usually don't know how the story is going to end until I get there. I don't know how that mermaid got into my story, and I have no idea where she and Thomas went. Maybe a third dimension! Fortunately, my five minutes were up and I didn't have to worry about that part. Ha ha!

That's an interesting approach. In five minutes I cannot imagine anything at all -I am a blank slate. To think up a story I have to find some angle which will allow me to design the narrative. In this story, it was a realization that during a swim a person rarely has concentrated and direct thoughts, but rather distributed, vague and yet thoughts of large period of time (about entire life) but squashed in one slimy bundle. I guess you can open up your subconscious mind and just pour it out on electronic "paper". ))) A great ability!

And what about the poor woman manless, dogless and alone?

Yeah, I kinda left her dangling, didn't I?

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