#FreewriteMadness Day 9: My Response to the 'I Know' Prompt

in #freewritemadness5 years ago (edited)

#FreewriteMadness: day nine. I have found that over the last couple of days, my euphoric rush of early-stage enthusiasm has dissipated. Now I've reached the dreaded 😱–– slump ––😱 that more experienced #NaNoWriMo-ers have warned me about: where my words cease to flow so effortlessly, and my work feels more like a hard slog.

Tonight's bout of writing will be tough. I got to sleep at about 2 a.m. last night, despite my best intentions. I woke up at 6 a.m. to begin my journey to the wonderful Kildare Animal Foundation Wildlife Unit, where I proceeded to spend the whole day doing whatever I could to feed, assist and care for a wide range of orphaned, ill and injured wild animals. My friend and I arrived to discover that one of the birds had died overnight. The weather was atrocious today, and I spent a whole lot of time getting soaked to the skin and attempting to wring excess water out of my coat. My partner and I haven't seen each other for a long time, due to a whole list of reasons beyond our control, though we will at last get to meet again this weekend.

I'm now home, dry and comfortable ... but I am ridiculously, deliriously tired. Still, I've shown up in front of my computer and turned it on, with an hour to go until midnight strikes, because I have committed to do this: to continue fulfilling my promise to write something each and every day during the month of November. This writing effort may not amount to much, but I refuse to let my #NaNoWriMo momentum die away. Anything worth doing is worth fighting for. ❤️

This post is a response to @freewritehouse's latest prompt, I know.

___________________________


Source

~ Sophie ~

I'm lying in bed and I can't get to sleep – too busy thinking of that stupid phone call from Mammy earlier. Also, my blanket is making me too hot. It's a totally weird blanket: Auntie Moira gave it to me and it's all, like, fleecy or something. I don't know – I thought I would try it out tonight, but I think I prefer my other blanket. It's all the way at the other side of the room, though, and I don't want to get up.

I hate it when Mammy calls me looking for gossip about Dad. Why doesn't she talk to him herself? I know he isn't "dating" anybody, or whatever! Eeew. Gross.

He would tell me if he was dating someone, anyway. I know he would.

I can't get comfortable. Tossing and turning ... my blanket is weird. When I put it over me, I feel too hot, and when I kick it off, I get too cold. I guess I'll have to go and get my old blanket eventually...

I just ... I wish she'd said goodbye to me properly. Mammy, I mean. That day – the day she left – it was all about her and Dad. The two of them shouting and screaming at each other, about this Ernesto...

Mammy always goes on about Ernesto on the phone. About how great he is, and how she's going to invite me and Luke over to Sicily really soon and we're going to have the best time in the world, because he has this huge vineyard and loads of ponies, and I like ponies, don't I, sweetheart?

I haven't even met Ernesto yet.

I told Louise the other day that I hate the way Mammy and Dad are getting divorced, and she told me that she thinks it must be great, and she's jealous because someone in her class has parents who are getting divorced, and they're so guilty about it that they buy her whatever she wants. All she has to do is ask! Louise said this like it was the best thing in the world, and then she didn't get it when I got all mad at her. She apologised eventually, but I'm still mad. Mammy used to tell me it was bad to hang onto grudges, but she's hanging onto the biggest grudge ever over Dad, so she can't tell me what to do. Whatever. I'm not ready to talk to her again. Louise, that is. Not Mammy. But kind of Mammy too.

I know Louise is my cousin and all, but she is so annoying sometimes.

I miss her though.

I know she didn't mean it.

She can just be stupid sometimes.

So can Mammy.

You know who else is annoying? Luke.

I do love him really, though ... he's such a big baby, still, and I'm so mature. He doesn't get that. And I'm worried. He's always biting his nails and putting his fingers in his mouth, and the kids in his class are always making fun of him. He's started wetting the bed again too, and he hasn't done that in years. I haven't told Dad about that yet: Luke always comes in to me when it happens, crying, because he doesn't want to tell Dad what he did. And guess who has to clean it all up? Me.

Luke's like a toddler again, and I feel like I'm the only one who notices.

I know Dad is busy with his training and all, so I'm not, like, trying to say he doesn't care. He does. He's always doing stuff for us, but ... he's so angry a lot of the time, and that's why Luke doesn't want to tell him about the bed-wetting.

If she doesn't want to stay married to Dad, fine, but why doesn't she want to stay in the same country as me? Why does she only call me once a week? Will she ever come back?

Oh great ... I'm crying again. It always happens. Fourth time this week. It wouldn't be so bad if I could, like, properly let myself cry, but I can't make any noise, because Dad would hear and then he'd get all upset, and he'd call Mammy and tell her about how she's upsetting me and this is all her fault, and then Mammy will ring me and get all upset because I'm upset, and she'll act like really, it's all Dad's fault.

I know she would.

___________________________

I want to end this post by giving a shout out to everyone else who has signed up to the fit of absolute lunacy invigorating creative challenge that is #FreewriteMadness. 😇 Make sure you go and support their work too! I have limited voting power (damn my not-quite-plankton but not-quite-redfish status 😉), but will upvote as many posts as I can per day.

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This whole read is in an innocent bleeding voice. The pain is leaking in between her 'whatevers' and mammy in some alarming ways. What a beautiful sad read!

Her pain really struck me hard last night.💔 I feel like I have a much better idea of Sophie's character now and I would love to focus on her more often as I continue writing. Thank you, @tezmel. ❤️

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I think the slump is hitting all of us right now. But we will encourage each other to keep going. And you didn't get a lot of sleep. That always makes it hard for me - when I don't sleep, everything seems impossible...

Thank you Marianne – I do love how we are supporting each other. 😊 A lack of sleep always makes things seem so much harder, but I'm glad I did fight through that enough to sit down and write last night. I was so tempted not to. I did forget to submit my latest word count to the #FreewriteMadness form, though – I'll have to do that today!

You are doing great!!!

My hat's off to you, girl, for being able to write such good stuff being as exhausted as you were. I'm so happy about what you're doing for the animals and I find you a very courageous person for tackling this right for midnight! You are very adept at getting in the little girl's mind and heart and perfectly describing what a child faces when their parents split up and they are put in the middle. Keep up the good work!

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Thank you @wandrnrose7. Working with the animals means so much to me.❤️ I knew I would feel so much better if I did make myself do something, as tired as I was. I hadn't planned to write about Sophie – I was thinking, when I sat down to write, that I'd write one of the adults' perspective again – but the idea to focus on Sophie for the first time (and to write in the first person) suddenly occurred to me as I mused over how best to respond to the 'I know' prompt. I'm so glad it did!

Sometimes when we are tired we are even more creative... I think that it Taps into the loose parts of our brain that are normally resting and then when we tap into that super tired part of the brain some of that creativity that's lurking pops out, does that make any sense? I personally find that sometimes during a migraine I am surprisingly creative... Figure that one out!

I'm sure divorce is hard on everyone, but especially the kids. #NovMadFan Bruni trying to get a few reads in. I think your slump is over. Your half way done by the time I finish this. 🏆

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