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@kaelci
Awesome! I wish I had joined Steemit sooner so I could have followed from the beginning. I have to admit you have a good grasp on writing. I'm still learning Steemit, but some of the stories I have read here and there, have a tense problem, jumping back and forth to past and present, and you stayed in the same tense throughout, and isn't overran with adverbs and adjectives, telling me you write a lot.
I liked this part, it gave gave me that vivid image that every reader wants to see.

  • Bitch. Water was all she wanted. She took a sip of the warm, tasteless liquid and almost coughed it back up, barely able to swallow through her gut whorling and writhing as it made its way up her throat akin to a bodily grieving cyclone of despair.

  • Way to go, you are on your way to the top.
    AWESOME!

    Thanks for your kind words! :D And thanks for reading! This is probably one of the better additions I've written of the story, haha. It was made up each day and as a result has a twisted plot, uncharacterised characters, bits and pieces that don't add up, and a lot of skeletal/unfleshed writing just to force out the words. I expect the whole thing to be a lot different when I eventually revise it.

    I've been training myself to write professionally for about three years now, after writing for personal escapism since I was a kid. Still feel like a complete novice. There's always something to learn. :)

    It took a lonnnnggggg time to learn to stop the adverbs. I'm now at the stage where I feel comfortable with the rare one every so often, but don't need to fling them about everywhere. As for adjectives, I do fall into them quite a bit sometimes... and I've had a couple of non-native English readers yell at me for my adjective use, hehe.

    Thanks again for reading!! And for commenting. I appreciate it so much!
    And it's good to see you still enjoying Steemit. :)

    well, that was unexpected... but just the kind of harsh shaking needed to stir things up... the rest is up to you, it is already quite a feat to have come this far, this story and its characters, are also children of yours.

    this story and its characters, are also children of yours.

    They are. They might not be as characterised as they could be in writing, but in my head - they are real and are mine. I look forward to eventually revising this and making it the masterpiece it could be!

    Last chapter will be posted tonight! Already 1000 words in, which is pretty amazing for me at 7 in the morning, haha! Must really be looking forward to getting this done with.

    There I was expecting someone to die but nope, catapulted back into the other world, not sure if that's worse XD

    And that's why I was so upset about the "ending"!

    Imagine that. Being in this amazing, magical, wondrous world. You're in love, pregnant, looking forward to the future. When --BAM!-- back to "reality" yet knowing what you experienced was real. Now you're pregnant and alone and everyone thinks you're a complete nut. You pack up and move close to where the Lights whisked you away, hoping that one day they would appear and take you back. Forever waiting. Growing old. Waiting.

    But... they never do.

    (that's how I was originally going to end it --I decided to be nice. You'll see in a few hours! :D)

    Tragic ending would have still been a good ending :) I'll try to catch up in a bit (I have been sucking at keeping up with steem lately, I'm blaming silly season becasue it's convenient).

    PLOT TWIST Sarah is Draven's mother, she didn't die, the lights chucked her back, there's bizarro timey wimey shenanigans, and that's why she's such a hippie XD

    Shenanigans!! One more twist to make it even more crazy and convoluted 😂

    Posted using Partiko Android

    I knew it, less than 3500 words to go, and I didn't peak. 👀 You got this. #NovMadFan Bruni is so proud of you, you novel writer you!

    To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.

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