"Does a good friend would benefit or disturb the relationship with my spouse?"

in #friend5 years ago

Hello,

Do you think the fact that one of the spouses in a relationship has a really good friend (besides his/her spouse) can harm the relationship? Or perhaps improve it? And in what ways?

Ayla J.

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credit: Warren King

Ayla,

Your reality is merely a reflection of what goes on within you. Having good friends, therefore, is an outcome of your choices, whether conscious or not.

On the one hand, a good friend, alongside the spouse, gives a channel through which you can share your life, hear their opinion, release tensions and frustrations and by that grow and better yourself.

On the other hand, one cannot ignore the fact that close friends might impede or prevent the attainment of higher levels of intimacy with one’s lover. Look how it works - if you want to reach the deepest levels of intimacy with your spouse then you have to share everything with him, tell him your thoughts, your feelings – the good ones as well as the hardships, the anguish and the fears. Many couples regrettably think that if they experience arguments or asperities then their relationship is failing and they are doomed to break up. The truth, however, is quite different and the “problem” is actually a gift that the couple has created to grow and expand.

Now, if you or your spouse take the problem to the good friend and discuss it with them rather than with the spouse, the relationship itself doesn’t use the gift properly. The talk with the good friend may indeed momentarily help restore your balance, and once you go back home you can maintain your serenity for a while, but in the long run, the problem has not been addressed.

“A relationship” is like a baby that needs to be born and nourished to continually grow. A relationship is much more than the sum of two people who join together. When a strange element (such as a close friend) permanently intervenes in the essence of the relationship, the spouses themselves lose connection with their own creation. Once their relationship ceases to carry the unique pattern of their own essences it ceases to be their creation. That leads to break ups.

When someone chooses the path of relationship to grow and to learn about oneself, it is evident that one is brave, strong and ready for the challenges that await one. Relationships, as I have said many times, are the fastest and hardest way to learn about yourself and to deal directly with many levels of your consciousness. But that can happen only when you deal with them yourself.

That is, when you make the choices; when you reach the conclusions; when you become the master of your life.


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Very true. If your friend is single....that may make a difference too lol.
Great insight.
Joy

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