ADSactly Fun - Jars
I was sitting at work relating a story to Nancy, a girl who sat opposite me, about my kitchen disaster of the night before.
So, I pulled the bag of pasta out of the kitchen cupboard and it burst! Pasta exploded out and fell into the dish I was cooking and all over the floor! I couldn't believe it, there was pasta everywhere. As if someone had thrown a bucket of the stuff all over the place. Took me ages to clean it all up.
Oh wow, poor you.
Nancy laughed.
It looked like she was about to start a story of her own when the chap sitting next to me, Macca, interrupted.
Well, that kind of thing wouldn't happen in my house. Oh no, no, no.
He said this quite loftily as if I was an idiot for having a bag of pasta roaming loose in my house just ready to burst.
I gave him the same kind of look I give to a pair of pants that has somehow fallen down the side of the laundry basket and gone unnoticed for some weeks.
Oh really? Pray tell. Why wouldn't such a thing happen to you?
Macca puffed up with self-importance. It looked like the tale he was about to tell had been stored up for a long time. I hoped he didn't drop down dead at the end of telling it as if his life's mission was now complete.
Well, it really is quite simple. I am a very organised person...
He looked at myself and Nancy as if we lived on a rubbish dump eating mouldy bread and shouting at Aeroplanes in the sky all day.
So, I, do not have loose bags of pasta in MY kitchen... Oh no. I have lots and lots of Kilner jars.
He wobbled as a funny sort of laugh bubbled out of him as if he were a jelly someone had nudged with their underquarters.
He then fixed both me and Nancy in turn with a gaze that could pickle sheep.
Lots of jars. Lots and lots. My kitchen is full of jars. There isn't anything just lying about.
His voice dropped to a whisper and he looked at something far off that no-one else could see.
Everything goes in a jar...
He said quietly.
There was a long and pregnant pause. It seemed that no-one knew quite what to say. Fortunately, I was there with my big flappy mouth. The big flappy mouth leapt into action.
You keep all your stuff in jars? Like absolutely everything? You must have loads of them?
I do.
He stated with a quiet pride. His joy at being the Jar-Man obviously something that he got a deep pleasure from. Idly, I wondered if he stayed up late at night, polishing his jars with an expert hand.
So there is absolutely nothing lying about loose in your kitchen?
Said I.
Nothing. Everything. Everything goes in a jar. As soon as I bring something home, I open it and decant into a jar. It's the safest way.
He nodded, once more examining the sky despite us being in an office with many floors getting in the way of such a view.
Here's a thought.
I said, with a mischievous twinkle in my eye.
Macca gave me a suspicious look as if some shadow of his being that existed in the future was reaching back into the past to shout a dreadful warning about what was to come or perhaps he just needed the toilet.
What thought?
He asked.
Well, imagine I was up your house for a beer or something. You went to the toilet and when you came back I had opened one of your precious jars and spilt the contents over your worktop... How would that make you feel?
He laughed nervously.
That would be fine, I would just tidy it back up and put it back in the jar.
He gave a watery smile of relief at his quick thinking.
Ah but, what if I was mad drunk on said beers and refused to let you into the kitchen?
That wouldn't happen. That's mad. You wouldn't do that.
Macca frowned, a soft sheen of sweat forming on his head.
But what if I did, What if I held you back at the door and over my shoulder, you could see all the little bits of pasta lying about the place. Heck, maybe there would be some... On the floor...
That wouldn't happen. It just wouldn't happen.
He was twitching slightly, the idea unsettling him way down in his nethers.
What if I spilt some milk even and some of the little bits of pasta were lying in a puddle of milk?
Euugh. No. Not happening. That wouldn't happen.
He shook his head from side to side as if the flies at the watering hole were annoying him again.
Hmm. Ok then. Hey, I have an idea!
What, what is it?
He said, his voice brittle with tension.
Why don't you invite me up to yours for a beer after work!
NO! Absolutely not, you are never coming near my house. You... You bloody monster!
He got up and stomped away.
I gave a chuckle. Perhaps tomorrow, I would ring in a bag of pasta to work and set it on my desk, opened, perhaps with a few pieces scattered around it.
I am sure he would like that.
What about you? Have you ever tortured an annoying person in your work? Do you think I might have made him think twice before interrupting other peoples conversations or was I just being a big meanie?
Tell us your best tales in the comments. I will be there to listen!
Authored by @meesterboom
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Hahaha. I know many people who also put everything in a jar and it seems that even their brain is in a transparent container. Although I must admit that I feel a certain envy for the order that some people have. Normally I am not very tidy, but for my excuse I say that within my disorder, I have my own map. Once, I arrived at the office and a friend saw me suffering looking for the key to open the door. So the next day he brought me an unlimited number of colored gummies to identify each of the keys. At first I was offended and told her that I knew where each key I had on my keychain came from, but then I accepted them so I wouldn't be inconsiderate. Today, thanks to that friend I have a lot of colored keys and I know that the blue is the one of the ofc, the red one of the desk, the yellow one of the house... Sometimes some friends have great ideas. Thank you for making me start the day with a smile, @meesterboom
You know you might have something there. I might be secretly jealous of the jars thing!!
Hahaha @meesterboom on it again and I can't stop laughing.
Like I'm really surprised and I keep wondering why people won't mind their businesses and face what ahead of them or should I say face what's facing them.
This scene usually happens alot, I mean alot to me and sometimes I wouldn't just be in the mood and I'll obviously let them go but when am actually, I mean totally in the mood, they'll leave never to forget about that day, that event and that me!!!
Well, my mom loves putting things if not all her things in the jar and to her, it makes live easy but I don't see it that way or maybe it makes life difficult for me the other way.
Lol, is everyone would just life and let live it would be so much easier but when they start talking like their way is best it does get my goat!
That's pretty foul. But I like it! Ahahahahaha.
I love to annoy those excessively tidy folks. I've got a really good friend that I BBQ with from time to time. If I'm cooking, or even look like I might be thinking about cooking or helping she's stationed near by with a moistened hand towel to pick up my drippings and droppings. I always manage to slob a little salsa or BBQ sauce around for her to attack.... It's sorta like Robert A Heinlein said about bank robbers. Everybody wins. The bank is insured, the insurance company increases sales, the police have something to do, and the robber doesn't have to work too hard to keep himself fed and clothed.
Great story. Thanks.
Hehe, yeah I always liked that bank robber quote.
It was a bit mean of me but I am the same, I can't stand the excessive tidy folks. It at least I don't mind them until they insist on preaching it!
I have tortured those who never mind their business or who feel that any given time they can be too important or are too careful when things don't happen to them rather than be quiet they want to show off.
A friend met me doing manual laundry and decided to show off by saying he couldn't remember when last he washed with his hands, in fact he can never wash with his hands and that its only poor people do that, while he was pissing me off i was allowing him to finish so i could land him a knock-out blow.
After his boastful narrations about how he would not wash with his hands except he used a washing machine to do his laundry. i asked him Samuel what if there was no electricity for you to power the machine and you urgently need to do some washing?..
He was like errrrm if there is no electricity, he would use a generator set to power it up, i broke into the conversation and asked him again, what if the electricity is bad and just when you decided to power the generating set and you found out it had developed fault because it has not been used or either serviced in a while?
He remained like a lost sheep gazing at me. I gave a winning grin and told him, so my guy, you must learn to wash with your hands in the case of unforeseen circumstances beyond human control.
He stayed for about 5 minutes and left where we both sat, at that moment i knew i had reduced his ego and made him look cheap even with him boasting about how he had the appliances to make life easy for him, sometimes you got to be improvising you never can tell when an emergency will require your human skills.
You are a matter at it then! Appliances will never take the place of man!!
What a macabre story, @meesterboom, hahahaha. You're a bad boy who annoys the other, you became a threat to his tidy home. I know many people who suffer from OCD, this is obsessive compulsive disorder for anything in life, is like a mania and with respect to the mania for order and cleanliness there are several in my family who suffer hahaha. For them it is impossible to be in the disorder, they do not allow for an instant anything out of place. They order everything by size, colors and shapes. It seems to me an extreme way of living because life cannot be so gridded, but that makes them happy. You have to be tolerant and accept people with such hobbies. Greetings, @meesterboom.
I know, tolerant is good... But I am a bit of a bad boy! Lol :0)
Very interesting and funny your story, @meesterboom. You present us with a situation that, with certain different particularities, we can all experience in our environment not only work, but also family, friendly, neighborhood, etc.. Macca is the typical maniacal character with order (I understand it, because I am a little), which can become unbearable, and, above all, easily lose control. I think the narrator manages to confront Macca with his problem.
I have had some similar experience, in which a person annoys with his impertinence, or his self-sufficiency. Normally, I've just ignored it; other times I've confronted it verbally, with some ironic play, like the one the narrator does in your story. I don't think there's a single way to deal with similar situations. The one the narrator uses in this story is, perhaps, one that can be effective.
I don't always feel comfortable when sitting next to a girl at times I don't know why
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