Beware of the Flood Bearing Gifts!

Whenever you head away with a group of friends there is always one person that gets on everyone's goat.

If you disagree with me on this and it doesn't happen to you then the truth is that you are probably the annoying one. I want to tell you the story of a guy called Tom who came on holidays with us to a Greek Island called Kos when we were the tender age of 18. Now this story is a bit hard to believe but it is very true. All the below events actually haooened.
This was our first major holidays abroad and we were all excited . There were twelve of us , 7 in the main group but a 5 stragglers . Tom was a straggler.
Tom gave out about everything. It was too hot or it was too cold. This place is crap, that place is crap. Let's go here. No the last place was better and on and on and on and on. We figured out that Tom was going to be somewhat of a challenge an hour into the flight when he had an argument with the flight attendant about how warm his white wine was. Flood another friend looked back at me a few seats behind on the plane, rolled his eyes, nodded in Tom's direction as if to say where did you get this guy from. Flood hated anyone making a fuss and he immediately formed a dislike for Tom during white wine gate.

Does it look like they have an American fridge on board? Plus who drinks white wine on a lads holiday?

Flood would drink beer out of a dirty wellie so this complaint about white wine not being chilled enough would be the same reaction as if aliens had landed in Floods back garden. Mouth open in disbelief at this unearthlike creature.

*I'm not sharing with him. No fuck'n way. I want to enjoy me holiday *barked Flood.
Great start to the holiday as we did have Flood sharing with Tom and two others so we drafted Flood into our room and we banished the idiot that asked Tom in the first place.

We arrived in Kos and went about our usual plan. Drop the bags and head into bar street and go on the beer. Tom was complaining about a migraine from start so he went home early. The rest of us had a great night and did not get back until the early hours of the morning. Flood actually got lucky and we didn't see him until the morning. It was unusual for Flood because he always got in such a state that doing anything that involved talking or physical exercise was out of the question. When Flood came home he had a smile on his face like a chesire cat. I made a point about him being too drunk to do anything and he smiled at me and told me that he sorted that problem out before it hapoened. I was a bit puzzled by this and I left it go for fear that I was too thick to get his reference.
How's Tom? asked Flood.
Is he still complaining about his migraine?

Yep and the chemist doesn't open until 12

The cogs were turning in Floods brain. You could always see when this was happening! He looked like he was happy about Tom's plight.
He shouldn't of drank that wine!

After a while the rest of the group started descending on our room to get the details from the night before and how Flood managed not only talk to someone of the opposite sex but charm her enough to be invited back to hers. Tom wandered in looking in pain. He was holding his head in a way that you feign sickness when you were in school. Too obvious. Looking for attention. Flood was the unlikely person to ask how he was. Tom told Flood about the horrible night that he had suffered and he was waiting on the pharmacy to open to buy painkillers.
I have neurofin headache tablets if they are any good
Tom

Tom was taken aback.

Umm yes that would be great. Thanks a million

To this day I have never seen Flood get up so quick from his laze on the couch. . He ran straight into his room. He tripped over a suitcase on the way in and left a shout out of him. He came back out with the 2 neurofin and gave them to Tom. Tom got himself a glass of water and knocked them back. He thanked Flood again and went back to his flat. There was around 8 of us in our flat. Flood sat back down laughing to himself.
Today will be spoken about for years to come. I've just given Tom 2 Viagra!!

Gasps ran out among the 11 of us. I started howling with laughter. My friend Nicky who is a sensible Sally started feeling his neck with worry. Nicky was in collage studying medicine.

*Before anyone gets all health and safety on me , I had two last night and I am fine. More than fine in fact! [Massive wink] As you can see if you look south , I am still feeling the after effects.

We all looked down and then looked away.
Flood continued his rant:
My sister is an air hostess and if some little bollocks treated her the same way he treated that girl on the flight , he's lucky that's all I'm giving him

In this case Flood was dead on fact. His beloved sister was an air hostess so we all agreed that 2 Viagra was better than a hiding for all parties concerned.

Now that Tom will be feeling better from the 'headache' tablets we shall go for a pint mused Flood who was looking slightly annoyed and eager to get out seen that his drinking was disrupted by pesky chatting and sexual intercourse the night before. He was parched for a drink.

A taxi was called at 2pm.
To the pub shouted Flood in the back pointing between the driver's head and the passenger seat.
And don't spare the horses.
The taxi driver didn't know what he was saying. I just asked him nicely to take us to bar street again.

There were 3 taxis .Two arrived at the destination. The other taxi was awaiting Tom who was doing his hair. The taxi dropped us at the top of bar street and our favourite bar was a couple of minutes walk away. Walking down to it was a battle as you had the usual staff trying to coax you into their bar with free watered down shots. We always went into one and then left after one. This time around the pub was called ' players' . We got swooped upon by a lovely forceful Russian beauty that would not take no for an answer. In we went. We text the lads to make sure they knew where we were. We just got settled when one of the lads saw a poster. It read :

TONIGHT AT 6PM . WET T-SHIRT COMPETITION.AND TO AVOID BEING SEXIST A WET UNDERPANTS COMPETITION WILL BE HELD STRAIGHT AFTER

Many a year has gone by where when we tell this part of the story , people look at you in disbelief. I normally leave this part of the story out because what are the chances?? Flood gathered us together laughing and said by all means necessary we we're entering Tom into that competition . The Viagra should be well underway at that stage. Buy him as much drink as you can . He has to go into it. The pub was busy that afternoon and most of the people in the bar were let in on the secret and agreed that it would be fun to persuade entry. Now Tom wasn't the type of guy to enter into a wet underpants competition by his own free will. As soon as he walked in there were guys coming up to him with cocktails , he was been patted on the back, asked nice questions about his hair, Tom had experienced something he never experienced in his life. That afternoon Tom was popular.

We decided to leave him for the first hour and then plant the seed. Our angle was that he missed the night before and we wanted him to enjoy himself. We wanted him to see the poster for himself which he did and he laughed at it. Some English guy came over to us (in on the secret) and started saying he should enter.
Do you know wot mate, this competition is ideal for you bruv. You would kill it. Come on now. said the pristinely dressed Londoner with white teeth.
Tom just nodded under the peer pressure of getting handed another cocktail. At this stage he had around 8 in a period of 2 hours. The English guys work was done. Tom was entering the Players bar wet underpants competition unknowningly full to the neck on Viagra.
How is that migraine now Tom? asked Flood.
It would say it's HARD to shrug it off said Flood his eyelid about to fall off with the sheer amount of winks after the HARD.
Jesus it's fine now Flood. Thanks a million for those tabkets! They did the job
Everyone was rubbing their knees in anticipation for the wet underpants competition . The pub was so excited that no one can even remember a wet t-shirt competition. There were Viagra puns flying here and there and all were going over Tom's head. (Excuse the pun). Flood was keeping one eye on Tom's nether regions.
Viagra only works if you are aroused said Flood the expert.
Once he gets aroused then he will be at full mast for 24 hours. We need to get him aroused Flood said in an urgent manner.
Flood was going around asking random strangers to go chat up his friend for 20 quid but it was too late. Tom was on stage in his very wet underpants and nothing had happened. He was having a great time because he got the biggest cheer of the night. Tom was like a Chippendale up on stage jumping around the place like a mad drunk Irish man. He really came into his own doing the snake but then something happened that backfired on Floods plan.
After his dance he won the contest and he was getting congratulated from all angles. A girl (who was in on the secret) held him by the hand and they both walked out the door.
The next day Tom came back to the resort . We we're asking him about his night.
Lads I don't often kiss and tell but those cocktails I had yesterday. I don't know what was in them but I was riding the entire night! I'd say the both of us are a few stone lighter from all the sex. I'm meeting her again later

Flood got up and walked away of the room.

We didn't say a word about Viagra for the rest of the holiday. 1 month later Tom was home for a weekend. He walked into a shop and a girl said to her friend
He's the lad that they gave Viagra to on holidays
Then it dawned on him.

He hasn't spoken to any of us since!

IMG sources:www.Wikipedia.com
www.thedailystar.com
www.pfizer.com
www.maryclaire.com