WALKING INTO THE BELLY OF THE BEAST ~ PART ONE

@terminallyill presents..........


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WALKING INTO THE BELLY OF THE BEAST

ANOTHER CHAPTER TO MY LIFE


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Well folks, it has been a long ass week for me to say the least. Life has the tendency to continually throw curve balls my direction, so things just became a bit hectic for a bit and I needed some rest from the platform as well as several other things. Last week I lost a friend of mine, actually a brother of mine through my best friend who is closer to me than any family I have living. It was a hard strike and honestly, breaking my best friend Andre in ways I have not personally witnessed since I have known him except for when our brother Tommy died a couple years back. From travelling to DC and dealing with the shit that comes with my homecoming, including gunshots and stupid shit such as that, my week has been something insane, but not visible to everyone who looks at me. I am an expert at wearing a mask and pretending shit is OK, making it look as if things are not a big deal or that they do not wear me down. Well, the mask has come off, especially in light of the latest chapter of my life, a long running and very testing criminal trial with me on the receiving end. This is the story.


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MY LIFE IS NOT SOMETHING MANY CAN RELATE TO

When I say this, it is not to be cocky or pompous, but rather to admit the truth of the matter. I have lived a very demanding and rewarding, yet self destructing and draining lifestyle for quite some time. Some time ago I wrote some articles relating to my life, sharing with the Steemit platform that I am a convicted felon for drug trafficking and distribution, as well as a recovering addict and active member in the community trying to make amends for my crimes on humanity. Nothing I said on here has been a fabrication. I was a big fish for lack of other terms, I was a heavily involved drug dealer and member of organized crime in the DC and MD areas for many years.

From run ins with the DEA and task force, to being tracked by ATF, I have seen shit most people only see on television or envision in music. I can count more traumas and haunting moments than any man should be able to, but it is what made me so cold to the world for a long time. It was not until the past couple of years that I realized I actually do have a conscience and need to repent for my sins in life, as best as possible. When I broke the cycle, everything came crashing down, and my eyes were opened to the reality and severity of the situations at hand. It wasn't a stroke a luck or miracle that made me open my eyes, but yet another run in with the drug task force that made life come crashing down, hard. Today, I am still dealing with this situation.


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Yea, that's me right there, served a criminal indictment by the Caroline County Drug Task Force for my activity in the area as a key player in the drug trade for well over a decade. I managed to stay under the radar, at least untouchable, for a long time. They used to label me as "The Godfather of CC" no doubt, due to my embrace of Sicilian ethics and such. I must admit, for a while, I had shit on lock. But, as they say, all things that go up, must come down. In 2016 I was under investigation by the task force for distribution of cocaine, yet again. This time around, my judgement was clouded, as I was using myself, at least an 8 ball to myself every day just to keep my shit in order, or what I thought was in order. I remember going to get a re-up, passing some unmarked cars and thinking nothing of it. For once, I left most of my product behind with the exception of what I had needed for personal use. Far as I knew, it was just any other normal day.

This is what I can remember plain as day, driving down the road preparing to come into town. As I come through town and notice the same unmarked cars head straight for me, behind me of course to try to get a traffic stop in place. It was go time I though, as I was NEVER a fan of the police, shit was about to go down. So I sped up, hit the E-Brake and drifted into a vacant lot to try to shake them, which initially had been a success. I then made an attempt to get the Hell up out of Dodge as one of the unmarked cruisers drove past. Well, it didn't work as I had wished and the sons of bitches had the block marked off and were ready for me any direction I went. There it went, the pullover, the guns pulled on me, the detainment, the search. The only thing I could think in my head is "FUCK!". An hour later after this bullshit and a bunch of petty talk from the police, I'm in handcuffs and on my way to the county jail for detainment on a $250,000 cash bond for possession with intent to distribute cocaine and felony possession of a loaded 40 caliber handgun, among a long line of other shit. Damn.


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There it is in all of it's fucked up glory. Task Force finally snatched my ass off of the street again and had me in lock up. It was a terrible situation, coupled with many more fucked up variables and details to add insult to injury. One in particular would be the later serving of criminal indictments to not just me, but my child's mother, implicating her for a crime she was physically unable to commit, being 15 miles from the scene of the crime. They pulled her to try to get her to testify against me and turn State's evidence on me, which thankfully, she did not or I would not be here writing this right now. I remember this day like it was yesterday and remember sitting in the jail for 3 days before I had a bail review. Aside from being doped up on Ativan to curb my alcohol withdraws, I can remember damn near every second of this.

I remember the CO coming in and snatching me up on my feet saying "Get your shit together your bail review is in 10 minutes". So, I got my shit together and hit transport to go to the Circuit Courthouse. When I had finally gotten in there, no shit I had the judge who was lenient on me during my last trial. "I'm going to hang" I remember saying to my court appointed lawyer at the time, he snickered and said "Chill the fuck out Dev, you'll be fine". Pretty bad when the attorneys know me by name huh. Well, the quarter million dollar bond was reduced and I was released after posting a $50,000 bond. That's just the beginning though, as they came back to serve indictments and the whole process had to be repeated again. Their goal, drain finances to keep me in lock up until trial and to find evidence, namely testimony, against me. They failed on both counts.


SO HERE THE CHARGES START


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AND HERE THEY KEEP GOING


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Over $20,000 in attorney fees later, I managed to get ALL of the charges placed on what is called the STET docket, a form of limbo in which the system will typically have some standards one must keep up with in order to maintain. One of the stipulations was for me to stay active within the community, which I had began doing not long after my initial arrest. By the time I had gone to trial, I had a NPO in my ownership that was doing great things for the community aimed at helping people go from addiction to recovery. It wasn't enough to keep me in the clear however, as the State of Maryland appealed the decision and has put me back on trial despite my best efforts to live a healthier and more rewarding lifestyle. For no real reason at that, because it was the second time they have appealed a win on my end to push me back on trial. Piss poor lucky I suppose. I guess it boils down to this, you do the crime, you do the time. I'm not mad, after all, I did it to myself. Nobody made me do what I did, nothing made me do it, though it did help cloud my better judgement. But, such is life.

FACING 28 YEARS IN DOC IS NOT A GOOD FEELING

Like I really need to even say that shit, but seriously, it isn't. Facing more than a life sentence (25 years in MD) for distribution of cocaine and a gun, which is more time than a murderer gets. Yea, that is a fact too, I have seen people get 10 years for murder. But these damn drug peddlers, they are the scourge of the Earth, burn them. Don't get me wrong, I know what I did was terrible and trust me I have spent many an day trying to find repentance for my crimes. Not for the spotlight to look good, but to find personal healing and growth inside of myself. I guess what I am trying to say is that I realized far too late how destructive my lifestyle was, go figure. Here I am, back on trial and going at the end of May to walk into the belly of the beast and likely take a plea deal for a few years in the Department of Corrections in the State of Maryland. Optimism, everyone says be optimistic and positive. Do you have any idea how fucking ridiculous that sounds, honestly? There is nothing to be optimistic over, just to be honest. I am the root of the problem and I have to take my lumps. It is part of my journey, part of my healing process and part of my change into a better human being, right?

So with all of this being said, I am facing some nice prison time for my role in destroying the area I once lived in. I deserve every moment of time that I receive as well, for the lives I destroyed, for the lack of regard for my child, for my selfishness, for being an agent of evil. It is what God has chosen for me, it is my place and how my cards hit the table. It has been the most trying and turbulent few months of my life to be honest, facing the reality that the ride is over and the shit has long hit the fan. Every day that I am here, I see my daughter and have to prepare myself for being away from her, breaking her tiny heart into a million pieces. I have to face the fact that when I get out, many things will have changed, my father could be gone, my family probably will and God only knows who will die while I am in, that I will NEVER get to talk to or see again. The thoughts, the what ifs, everything anymore, is hard to process and gather my thoughts on. The struggle is real, I promise you.


SO HERE IS MY ANGLE ON THIS

Fact is, I am who I am, whether any of you really knew it, or even believed it when I hinted at it. I am going on trial on May 30th of this month, looking for postponing my sentencing until after June to hopefully get another birthday in with my daughter who turns 4 in June. What I am really getting at, is that this lifestyle completely fucking ruined my life as well as many people I dealt with. Though it carved character and made me who I am, I self destructed and buried myself underneath of rubble I'm not even sure that I can pull myself from. The sad thing, is that I am a community leader and hard working man, full of vision and the ability to build great things for the world. I see good in people and encourage it, I help people, I sacrifice more than most will ever know or understand to see people get clean and live a healthier life. On the same note, I have done things in life I still yet am to forgive myself for. Though I look good in the light, there is plenty of darkness behind me in my shadow. My angle, is do not let your loved ones kill themselves and destroy their loves. Use my example to help them change. Point them in my direction so I can help them, while I am still here. DO NOT watch idle as people you know and care for, bury themselves. DO YOUR PART!

What will come of me? I'm not really sure to be honest, but I know I am not scared nor am I angry. I am finally at peace with everything. Once I get past this, I have a fresh opportunity to do something different. I honestly just needed to vent, so I wrote this to get it out there and to quiet some of the rumors on here. Yea, the leader of one of the most giving and supportive groups on Steemit is a convicted felon and is currently on trial for heinous crimes relative to drug dealing and being a general menace to society. That's some shit isn't it? Moral of the story, drugs and the fast lifestyle are bad for you and those around you. You will not win, even when you win, you still lose. I promise you. So, I am sorry for those of you I have let down by sharing this. I know it is a tough pill to swallow, but just imagine being in my shoes. I have been hesitant to really share this, but honestly, it is who I am whether any of you like it or not. One thing is for sure, my time on here has helped me in more ways than any of you will understand. I hope what I build and set in stone on here, lasts for a lifetime and helps you guys, seriously. I guess at a later date I may dive into deeper detail, but for now, life is calling and needs me in the real world. Thanks for reading!



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I have seen more time faced and seen it beat with support. Bring alot of family & friends and get 200+ letters of character reference and the courts should reckognize. In idaho my cousin was facing life also with no chance of parole yet with 200 notarized letters anda courtroom full of support he did 3 months and many years of parole and programs. Best of luck to you and much respect for taking responsibility!

@dynamiccrypto I appreciate the support brother. I never thought to ask people for character references and letters beyond what I have already. Do you think that is something that could work on here?

I have to be held accountable for my actions and my decisions, it is part of not only personal healing, but the recovery process. I aspire to get done with this shit and go to school for psychology with focus on drug addiction, to better help the world we live in. I have many aspirations I hope this shit doesn't cut short honestly.

Personal to be most effective but include your programs and visions through them, if 50 show up and all want to speak on your behalf the judge will likely be swayed very much so and believe your intentions are true!

Yea, locally is the problem, being I am known as the dope man in the local area. Though, I do have a decent amount of people, I may have to resort to having letters written in my stead and such. Would you be willing to write one, by chance?

I have to be held accountable for my actions and my decisions, it is part of not only personal healing, but the recovery process.

You have to for yourself . As far as the State goes being accountable is what you do in the future and how you interact with the community . Your value as others see it to relay to the court . That is an important thing . right now time is not on your side . So the bigger community leaders you can get in touch with the better . The court has a child/ youth program of some sort that you can offer you speaking skill to . It all matters ,be aggressive in this area
prayers are with you and your family

@wolfhart, thank you brother. I am biting the bullet, but I had to be honest with everyone. My time is very limited from here on out, looking at best a couple months, so it was needed. There will a rift in leadership for SGG obviously when I go, so everything I do now is for all of you. I hope everyone can see the selflessness in that. I am working diligently on having people on my side, naturally, the more the merrier. If you or anyone else would like to write in my stead, please, I ask man to man, provide that for me. It cannot hurt, but only help.

It may not always seem like it but I am very proud of you. I have seen you be this menace. I have heard the stories and seen the pain on your face when you tell about your past. I have seen you literally stuck finding ways to overcome them. Now, I have seen you grow. Grow into someone that I always knew that you could. Grow into a man that wants to help others, grow into someone that goes out of his way to help others.

I have seen the sleepless nights of your worries keeping you up and the sleepless nights of you finding ways to give back to the community. I have seen you first hand break the cycle. I've watched you grow into someone compeltly different. Someone wanting to make a difference. Unfortuanly, we have to deal with the consequences of your actions but it is how you overcome them that really matters. Ive never seen someone change as much as you, into such a kind hearted and caring man. I'm so proud of you. I love you ❤

@magicalmoonlight, thank you for continuing to even look at me after having to witness the monster I once was. Thank you for supporting me and seeing my changes. I am still struggling with the lifestyle adjustment and the PTSD that came with my past, and for stomaching this shit, I thank you. It means alot to me to read this!

I am ready to accept what is to come and answer for my crimes. I have done terrible shit in this life, so me facing the firing squad in Caroline is rightfully what I deserve. I am finally at peace with it for once, I dont know why, but I feel almost a form of relief anymore. Thank you for saying this stuff to me, i needed it!

I love you <3

That all goes to show that you are truthfully finally changing for the better. It hasn't been an easy ride that's for sure but it has been rewarding to see you turn into the man I know you are meant to be. It is time to finish out the last chapter and continue moving forward.

Hey Lucky, you really are Lucky if you step back and think about it. I'm glad you figured some of the most important things in life out before it was too late to live again. I'm happy to see the connection you still have with @magicalmoonlight and your daughter. And while you will be gone, it appears that you won't be forgotten... That is important, believe me.

I am now 56 and I have had a completely separate set of circumstances, but the same thing applies to me as it does to you. One day you will look at your life and ask yourself did you do what you needed to do to be remembered in the way you want to be remembered. You can strip out all the circumstances of how you got to that point and you can throw away all the possessions you might have. All that will matter to you is how you answer that question.

Did you do what you needed to do to be remembered in the way you want to be remembered?

I know for a fact you still can live your life in a way that you will be able to say yes. It seems like you are on that path and I'm very happy to see it. Whatever the outcome, however it comes out, just remember in the end that is all you will care about.

I have a lot of respect for you explaining this in such an open forum, and I truly think you have some serious ability to be a tremendous man in the future. I wish you the best and glad that we crossed paths. If they incarcerate you, I hope they give you the ability to stay in touch here. I do think you can do good, and I would like to see you have that opportunity!

That all goes to show that you are truthfully finally changing for the better. It hasn't been an easy ride that's for sure but it has been rewarding to see you turn into the man I know you are meant to be. It is time to finish out this chapter and continue moving forward.

That all goes to show that you are truthfully finally changing for the better. It hasn't been an easy ride that's for sure but it has been rewarding to see you turn into the man I know you are meant to be. It is time to finish out this chapter and continue moving forward.

what a beautiful thing to say MM... I'm happy you feel this way!

Ah Devon... I dont know you personally, and definitely not in "real life", hell Ive only just met you on here just a bit ago. But from seeing what you do around here, the way you speak about your passions to help other addicts to overcome their struggles, the way you speak of your daughter, I can see you are not the same man you were even a short year or two ago. Hopefully you can win the heart of the judge and show him that you have turned a new leaf. If not, use the down time to become who you want to be. Take that time to get schooling in counseling and psychology that way youll be one step closer to where you want to be when you get out. I truly hope you arent gone for long as Id miss the mess outta you but you gotta do what you gotta do. Either way, know youve done good and have faith not only that a change is coming but that youre the focus of that change. Im here if you need anything bud! Much love!

Thank you @smylie2005, it really means alot, seriously. Having people see the person that I am today and acknowledging it, really inspires me to continue on the positive path in which i am travelling currently. You know, the situation sucks, but it will be what i make of it honestly. Thank you for your support and love!

I hate to even ask this, but would you be willing to write a nice long, heartfelt letter on my behalf? I feel cruddy asking to be honest......

Hi buddy, my first impression from the thumbnail, it looks like a jail to me with those icon grilles.
But then the story is some sort of trouble with your friend? Although I do not fully understand your story I reckon you must have a hard time dealing with it.
And I believe it is over now , right ?
Take care

@digitalmind, unfortunately no it is not over, it is still going on. Yes, it has something to do with a loss in my circle, but more importantly old actions catching up to me and me having to answer for them. Thank you for your support none the less.

oh, I hope you get it over soon
take care

Good luck bro, for what it’s worth. Don’t know what else to say buddy. Hang in there and keep the faith. Whatever happens is what is supposed to happen.

I appreciate it @rawdawg. Not really much to say but that, so thank you!

I actually have some similarities to this in m y own personal life. It's crazy to think where I was in my younger days compared to where I am now. I wouldn't change my rough days for the world, as I believe it gave me key insight that has allowed me to succeed in business.

This post proves to be a worthy post for the #greetersguild initiative, bringing knowledge, people, and resources together for new users to succeed on the steemit blockchain. Support @terminallyill the visionary behind this cause and whom summoned me to upvote your post.

That being said…

BOOOOOOOOOM!!!

The ground shakes as incredible power lights the sky. The thunder tests the quality of your post and deems it worthy, rewarding it with a 300% upvote, comment and resteem from @thundercurator.

Increase your chances of a 100% upvote and support the project by:

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@thundercurator, thank you for everything my brother. You have shown me that you are a man of true virtue and character, which is a rarity today. After our conversation yesterday, I honestly can say you are family and I am honored to be able to not only work with you but to have you on board with my group projects and such. Seriously man, thank you for everything, you fucking rock bro!

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Tip! I just want to tell you that I don't care or label you for the mistakes you committed in your past. I met a new, extraordinary, authentic person with a great heart, this is you for me, brother.. I hope you will be able to mantain the leadership of the greetersguild the longest possible. Steemit needs people like you. I will pray for you and your family and, also if I can't understand the shit you're going through, I want you to know that I'm close to you.

@f3nix, truth be told you have become one of my closest friends and colleagues over the past couple of months. You my friend are my brother and will continue to be as long as we both draw breath in our chests. Thank you for seeing through my bullshit past and seeing the person that I am fighting hard to maintain myself as, the real me, separated from toxicity that claimed most of my life. Because of people like you providing moral support and not judging me, my change has been significantly easier. So for that, I thank you from the heart.

SGG is blessed to have you and honestly, as long as there are people like you in there leading in my stead, it will flourish. Even if i go, i will still be with you guys and able to communicate. Let me ask, would you be willing to write me a letter for court? If so, please DM me my brother!

Thank you once again for everything. I sincerely hope all is well with you and yours. Anticipating talking to you soon my brother!

I'm honored by your friendship and also I don't think I deserve your deep words. Would it be possible for your attorney to prepare a declaration to be signed by this community? In the way of a petition. I didn't deal so much with criminal law and, in any case, not in the U.S. jurisdiction, however, what I can say is that I'm strongly doubting about the relevance in front of a criminal court of a steemit initiative, for how good it may be. You need to look into "real" life and relevant projects/activities.. from a judge perspective this is just facebook bs.. IF he will ever understand or want to understand what steemit is. IMO this could even be counterproductive. Talk to your lawyer first, the best advice I can give when it's about terribly serious matters.

Adding: this is not BS at all and we all know it and know your heart and passion in what you do. I was just putting things from an outer perspective.. take care always.

Hey, man. I remember a while back, I entered a contest you were hosting where you asked people for advice on plants to grow this gardening season. You were offering the winner a @steembasicincome share. At the end of the contest, you decided that, instead of rewarding just one person, you would reward all of them with a sbi share. I thought it was a pretty cool thing to do and I have I followed you ever since.

Consequently, I have also had the opportunity to submit your personal stories for Curie upvotes twice now. Once as a prospective curator and this time as a full curator.

I know the misdeeds of your past have now caught up to you and you will likely have to answer for them. However, the two curies you have received for your writing can stand as evidence that your good deeds can come back for you as well. If you had not bought me a share in sbi, I never would have seen your stories or been able to submit them for curation.

Best wishes to you wherever life takes you, and I hope your other good deeds come back to you as well.

Thanks.

@veckinon I remember every minute of it and honestly did not know that it made an impact on anyone. Reading this warmed my heart and showed me that my efforts do not go unnoticed, even something such as that. Thank you for taking the time to see the good in me and for not passing judgement on me.

I wondered who put me up for the curie, and now I know. Thank you, seriously. I cannot explain to you how much the privilege of getting a curie has done for my confidence and ability to be honest and open about my past, helping me overcome it and bury it once and for all except for using it as a means to help others prevail in life. Thank you for taking the time and consideration to make it possible for my material to have been blessed as much as it was. Please, thank everyone in curie for me, for they truly passed a blessing onto me and my family that will live on forever.

Thank you for your support my friend. I am blessed to have you in my corner to say the least!

I see you... I've been there done that. Its no place for me. So all my decisions stay clear of most behavior hat would lead me to my demise.

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