Blewitt's Guilty Pleasures Writing Contest
If you hadn't heard, @blewitt has decided he has more STEEM than sense, so he's running this contest to find out who is worthy of adding a few more chuckles to their laugh bank. He claims there will be three lucky winners, each of whom will win at least 10 Steem (and possibly more if other people donate to the cause).
The task is simple: write about your favorite guilty pleasure whatever. Movies, television, music, books, porn...it's time to lay your lameness on the table for the blockchain to preserve, in perpetuity, with no guarantee of winning even a case of turtle wax, a year's supply of Rice-A-Roni (The San Francisco Treat(tm)), or a lousy copy of the home game.
But since it would be unfair for me to judge everyone else's faults without fully presenting my own, here's a fabulous list of guiltily-pleasurable things I will fight anyone to the last testicle over at the drop of a hat.
Rule of Grammar
The Oxford Comma.
Listen, I'm a pretty easy-going guy. I understand there are times and places where the rules of writing are suspended. I get that rules have exceptions, and that once you know the rules you can break them to appropriate effect. But if there's one thing up with which I will not put, it's failure to properly utilize the Oxford Comma.
I know some of you think "Grammar" is just the proper name for whoever Grandpa ravished this afternoon, but if you ever want to watch a conversation derail in slow motion, find any creative writing forum and "innocently" ask for opinion on the Oxford Comma. Guaranteed you'll learn some new and terrifyingly-creative ways to refer to your fellow human beings as the Righteous march off to do battle with the unwashed, ignorant blobs of elbow-fellating butt brigadiers who wouldn't know the English language if it was the solution to a puzzle on Wheel of Fortune.
The Oxford Comma, for those unfamiliar, is the comma placed between the last and second-to-last items on a list. For instance:
A) I watched @blewitt fondle horses, dogs and sheep.
vs.
B) I watched @blewitt fondle horses, dogs, and sheep.
Example B is proper and correct. Example A is a declaration of war. Cross me on this and I'll leave so much blood, teeth, and semen smeared around your corpse the cops will think you were a shark fetishist who died in a feeding frenzy.
Music
Did you laugh? Groan? Then eat my crunchy-peanut-butter-filled boxers, you shameless nihilist. Chumbawamba's "Tubthumper" album is incredible, with nary an awful track on the whole thing, a wrong-order recitation of the Shipping Forecast regions, and numerous shout-outs to Brassed Off (the greatest movie starring Ewan MacGregor and Pete Postlethwaite ever committed to celluloid), all intercut with instructions for removing the brain from a corpse, interviews with striking workers, and a backwards recitation of the "Hail Mary".
Did I just blow your mind? Yeah, they're not a joke now, are they? Fight me on this, and it's a guarantee that I'll knock you down, pick you up again, and continue that pattern until I fall unconscious, or dent my knee on your groin, whichever comes last.
Here's that playlist again. Go listen, and don't come back here until the final notes fade.
Food
Any questions?
My guilty pleasure is the movie Showgirls. And Sunny Delight. And Skittles.
write it up and enter!!!
lol @ Chumbawamba
You, sir, are made of fail as you prove once again. :)
Hello @modernzorker, thank you for sharing this creative work! We just stopped by to say that you've been upvoted by the @creativecrypto magazine. The Creative Crypto is all about art on the blockchain and learning from creatives like you. Looking forward to crossing paths again soon. Steem on!