Trying To Be Gentle With Myself
It seems like the most simple thing in the world, to be gentle with myself. It makes perfect sense that in order for me to be healthy and happy that I need to look after my well being. Yet time and again I allow myself to get run down, to just push myself too much. I am not invincible, I might like to pretend I am at times but I am not.
From a young age I wanted to get away, I wanted to get away and prove to everyone, that yes I can look after myself, thank you very much. That I don't need no body to look after me. But deep down the only person I wanted to prove it too was myself. I so wanted to independent. But that stubbornness that I carried with me went from wanting to look after myself, to suddenly looking after others and forgetting that I needed some care myself.
AS a woman maybe this is a trait that we all have engrained in us, to not put ourselves first, is it from worrying about what others may think if we put ourselves first or from hearing so often that it is better to give then to receive. I must admit I would feel guilty if I thought about my needs before others, it is also seen as bad manners to do so.
In order to for me to be more gentle with myself I have to realize why I am not, why is it so hard for me to put my needs first. I am a mother and of course I automatically put my children's needs first, that's almost a reflex. But why do I continue to push myself, wear myself out. I even find that when I need to pee, I just hold out till I really need to pee. I force myself to wait, because damn it that worktop needs to be cleaned or that book picked up. When in reality I could just go pee and there it is done and I feel so much better. But I don't, so Why?
Where have I learnt this. I imagine it comes from my childhood,from watching my mother and whether or not she was gentle with herself, but also from what was said to me, how was I treated, was I valued so that now in my life I feel worthy of self care. The answer to that is no, I don't really ever remember feeling valued growing up. But that story is for another time, because right now I want to work on being gentle with myself.
Writing this post is the beginning of it, it is setting my intention and putting it out into the world.
Moving gently and exploring gentle and changing my attitude to myself in a nice gentle way. So I will get up each day and remind myself, today I will be gentle with myself. I will start by peeing when the need arises and let the rest flow from there. If I am tired I will sit down, if not straight away, then very soon there after and I will not feel guilty. When I am hungry I will have something to eat.
Because when my children observe me being gentle with myself , then I am showing them that this is a part of being a girl, a woman.
It takes a lot less energy to be gentle with yourself than to force yourself to carry on
This is what I need to remind myself, because as a mother of 3 girls my energy can go quickly in the day, especially when I feel like I can not get my head around all I need to get done.
It seems so simple and so it should be, it certainly seemed very simple writing it on here, the test will be tomorrow. Because it is very late now so it will have to begin tomorrow because I do believe that being gentle would involve getting enough sleep, but then again it also means not being hard on myself if i stay up late either.
Big Big Thank You To @byn for designing my logo.
I resonate with this post so much. I grew up watching my parents not value themselves or me. They would say really mean and nasty things to me, expecting me to change when they wouldn’t do it themselves. Now that I’m a parent, it doesn’t matter what I say. I have to show my son that I love and value myself. Children learn through watching parents. Thanks for sharing.
This post is filled with wisdom and true reflection. And I must say that I have been guilty as well in the past of pushing myself, needing to pee and ignore that urge and work right through it. But the phrase "Be gentle with myself" is a step in the right direction. I have found that the reason we do not and the reason we push ourselves and do not nurture and nourish as we should is that we do not love ourselves deeply enough. Its like we have become numb to totally loving self and we have brought into the unhealthy cycle of thinking we can get by on mininum care. The more we are mindful of loving ourselves and focusing on letting the love in for self the more we will step into this incredible world/space of a new way of being, and we will feel the love endless supply that has been knocking at the door of our heart and could not get in. And until we fully embrace this extraordinary gift of love and apply it to our own life, we will fall short of giving our very best to others. Remember the first law is the law of perservation. We must grow to love ourself and know ourself completely @trucklife-family. TribeLove
thank you so much @rensoul17 for sharing your wisdom with me, it is so true that it comes down to self love and self care, of all the things we are taught in life that is something that is hugely lacking. I hope to start to rectify that so at least my children will have a better chance at self love and me too.
Hey @trucklife-family. I did a tribe update in discord, please check it out when you get a chance. Thanks
I think as moms we tend to put ourselves last. Family comes first. It is difficult to form that habit of looking after ourselves. We run until we can run no more. It is time to look after ourselves because when we rundown, we don't have the energy to do the things we must.
very well said @cecicastor, family will always be at the forefront for sure, it is trying to find that balance xx
You have set a brilliant and necessary intention for us all here.
It is too recognisable what you write. (including the more important countertop!)
We need to take ourselves out of the male chain-gang with their massive tunnel drill pounding through the vapid future of a man-made mountain.
There is karmic healing of the previous generations to be found in continuing the line of our mothers when we wake up and ask ourselves: What am I doing to myself? How is this helping human evolution!? We may redeem them by becoming true to our nature: nurturing, caring, gentle. This can co-exist with duty, devotion and discipline, but serves a larger weft of energies including the sheath of our World Ether, too, which preserves and nourishes who we are as a collective Human race. This is to work with the Isis-Sophia-Mother Maria force, which is made available through being born into our gender.
Every woman is different, but every top athlete must learn there comes a time when the only satisfaction, joy and hope for the future lies in gentleness.
May we all remind ourselves to take ourselves on to our mat (a chair works too) and just BE, BREATHE, ALLOW and surrender to what is.
Happy living in the here (hear) and now (observe quietly)!
wonderful response, thank you so much @sukhasanasister, yes remembering to sit still and just breathe and allowing ourselves to do that with no guilt, hear and observe xx
I think I've had a shock in my brain after reading this, I've realized that I've been in the same situation for three years, I'm a single mother, will I have anything to do with this? I don't remember having a top priority that wasn't me before, but I have an important job to do for myself! and it is to take care of myself, because if I take care of myself I will have many years to enjoy my son, today I feel overwhelmed with bills, work and my baby, that I would like the day to have twice as many hours, but I know that it cannot be possible, what is possible and a great challenge from today is to change with ourselves and respect ourselves with love. Happy Mother's Day
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Oh this is a great challenge, a lot of self love and taking care of your needs. How is it going so far? I have learnt a lot of self care from my partner, because we were not told or showed to to really take care of our self when we were kids. My parents were not the best example of showing us self care. However, my partner is an expertise! He always put his self first, and in the beginning of our relationsship, I didnt understand why he would do that, but now I know. I was always setting the needs of others before my own, but evenly, I have been changed this habit, and now I am much more my own person, and know aht my needs are. Of course my little boy goes before my own needs much of the time, but I am also getting better in looking after my own basic needs when he has his fullfilled.
Sending you lots of love and strength!
Well, you probably know what I'm gonna say. We go past our boundaries and push ourselves into the ground because we don't value what we've already done today. Why? The whole culture doesn't. I swear if it's the last thing I do I will change the cultural perception and value of mothering. I'm so, so over being undervalued and seeing my sisters be undervalued.