Dear Diary: I Am Just Getting To Head Out For My Dialysis Today

I just had a little nap just before we go out and head for my dialysis today at 2:00 PM which is relatively early for a schedule because the last time was at around past 7:00 PM and it is not easy especially for my aging parents which now are both past 70 years of age.

I do not know what will happen if my father could not drive me anymore but I do not want to come to that scenario that is why I just want to die before one of my parents does and it will be sweeter for me to be buried first than me having to witness one of my lovedones being buried for that matter simply because of the hardship I would face if I would be the one to be buried last, it is unimaginable for my case.

Well it is a dreaded thing to say but it is a reality that I could be facing with a good possibility since many things in my life really is quite tragic especially these sandwiched medical maladies that I am enduring which didn't came to my mind that will happen to me but it did.

But anyway I am just thankful that I am still enjoying the love and support of my parents but I feel that I am really trapped in my teens where my parents have a total control over me.

It is good to get dialyzed again because once again my body will get cleaned a bit and get a relief from extra water and toxins in my body but once again I do not like to go to dialysis and mingle with people who does not care about me, it is my prison that I cannot run away from and this life of mine is a small cell that I am roaming with only death as my ticket to freedom.