Dear Diary: I Feel Terrible With My Body Now

Today as I walked to the bathroom considering that it is just a few steps from the bathroom door, I really felt that my body is no longer good for walking as my knees hurt and my feet joints are aching nit to mention the weakness of my legs themselves to support my weight.

It makes me cry inside that I am just surviving to exist in this lifetime and not living it at all. It is just madness really that I am trying to make my life long when in fact it is quite pointless to live like this.

Is it really worthwhile to live with a zero urge to eat each and everyday plus having to suffer hordes of complications including general pain, breathlessness, sleeplessness, immobility, and affected social life? The answer is to the one who is really in control of my existence.

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I could have taken my own life a long time ago but due to my religious beliefs that option is not on the table. So I will just have deal with this situation. I could not cry anymore I won't do anything anyway and the best thing that I could do is to toughen up some more although I know that the ante will up some more against my capacity to endure it all.

But it doesn't mean that I am not afraid of the lingering death that will happen in the future so I am praying to God to just take me fast and I will be glad about it.

I am always thankful about this community because I know that God gave me the people in here particularly those that offered and are always giving support which definitely takes away some of my worries regarding my immediate medical needs. May God bless you all.

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