Dear Diary: I May Have To Use A Chair Now During My Bathing

It is my preference to just always stand up while I am bathing myself because for one thing our bathroom wasn't designed for one to sit there except in the toilet itself but you can make use of a small chair if you want if needed be.

But I might use a chair this time because it is hard to stand up now much less to walk but it is different when I start to bathe myself, it is a hard task for me to do for the reason that my knees feels like they are gelatin. I couldn't support my body now with my legs because of my weakness.

Although deep in my mind that I could say that "I can, I can" but my physical body is creaming otherwise. I know that it would come into this situation in the future and now I think that this is that future that is unfolding in my eyes.

I just hope that God would take me away before I would turn totally invalid because I do not want anymore of these kinds of beatings, it is too much for me if I would totally rely for somebody to bathe and clean me among other things that makes my life so miserable and it is just madness having these kinds of assorted health impediments.

It is not surprising that my joints aren't recovering as the parathyroid hormone in my body is still so out of proportion that it causes pain and deterioration. Imagine throwing cash in and suffering the side-effects and not getting the desired result form my efforts so it adds to my frustration.

Now I have to use a chair now in the bathroom and it just shows that I am in a downward spiral but in it slowly, only my hope now is just for things to slow down and a miracle to happen but I will embrace death if it will come sooner then I will be in rest finally from this lifetime of hardship and unimaginable health condition.