Dear Diary: I Missed My Ability To Walk

A few years ago even though I am weak and is already suffering from body stiffness I could still walk and in fact I can also travel to the city and to the other province where I am requesting my medical assistance and getting tested for a free blood test respectively.

When I was still able to walk I am enjoying going to the grocery to buy some things that I needed so it was enjoyable. I can also attend to my church services and meet with my church brethren, now I could not see them face to face and also basically forgotten about me. It is understandable because they know that they would not be able to benefit from me so they just do not want to do anything about me.

I also had some plan on going to the river nearby and probably fish or go and get some clams but that is no longer possible along with other activities that I wanted to do because I could not walk anymore.

It has gotten painful to walk now because of my weak feet joints, knee joints, and back problem as well. It is coupled with my disability to eat upright and my breathlessness issue added to the mix.

Those hordes of issues had made me like a vegetable but I am still thankful that I can bathe myself but I know that in the future that my mother will be the one that will do it for me because my medical condition is progressive and my medicine just slows it down.

Now unless I am already empowered to have some funds to at least augment my medical treatment I a will be like this for the mean time and praying that things won't go worse that it is currently is.

I hope that God if not give me some form of a miracle would take my spirit and won't allow me to get into a hardship that I cannot manage anymore because I am afraid of an added misery like blindness, stroke, or broken bones. I am actually living in a real life nightmare so I do not want an added horror into my life anymore.