Dear Diary: I Missed My Body Strength

If you would put me in a place with only food in plastic bottles around and that is the only food source I would have died in hunger. It is because it is impossible for me now to open twist cap bottles anymore.

My strength grew weaker and weaker all throughout the years that I am a dialysis patient. I remember carrying up my niece when she was just a baby and then when her baby brother came out after two or three years I think I was not able to carry him anymore.

But I can still walk in good distances until I was not able to carry anything anymore. That is the story of my strength and I really do not know what is the cause of it if it was my hyperparathyroidism or my body's chemical imbalances but really it was gradual until I am now dependent on others to do things for me including getting up from my bed.

I think if this will continue I will be a real vegetable with only typing in this laptop the last thing that I could do. I do not want that to happen so I pray to God to not let that catastrophe be realized in my life but instead to take my life because I do not want to be a burden to the people around me particularly for my parents.