Dear Diary: It Is Depressing Not Being Able To Walk Normally

I miss the old times when I was still able to walk around because currently I am not able to do that and even walking across the bathroom is seemingly an impossible feat for me now if not from the renovation that has done for it just recently where I made it a point that a handle bar gets placed so that I can guide myself while going from and towards the bathroom door.

I am always pinned into my bed because walking around proves to be painful on my feet and lower legs and that is after my left hip joint and my tailbone pain got healed. So it is a funny situation that seems like I am not allowed to walk anymore by some force unbeknownst to me.

It could have been better if I started my life as invalid then I might see this condition and situation that I am into to be normal. But a few years ago I can still walk without assistance but now I just have to ask for both of my parent's assistance so that I can be hoisted up to a one big step leading to our raised platformed bathroom.

So I am afraid in times that I would get a diarrhea and may the good Lord forbid that to happen because I might not get in the bathroom in time because of my difficulty in walking which is coupled with pain and difficulty in breathing in the process.

I do not know while I am still alive despite my hardships in life and I suspect that people around me are thinking about the same. But if this is just a test I think I was flunking it over and over again or maybe I was given another a bigger problem on top of the other as see how I will "react" on it. This world is not for me.