Dear Diary: My Appetite Is So Terrible Today

I don't know if it was the food or what but I can't just eat today. My life is just full of misery with my parathyroid medicine and I could not stop taking it because my face would grow bigger and all the pains will return.

My fear is that maybe soon my liver would conk out because of Cinacalcet because of its noxious smell and it smells like gasoline similar to a medicine like Captopril for hypertension that also causes liver cancer from which my grandmother died from.

It is just all struggle and I hope that I can still endure because I am ought to give up but then giving up means another terror of dying a lingering death which I am always avoiding and trying to get away from. So I am always looking forward to my dialysis because it washes away what terrible feeling I am experiencing and it makes me eat well but after dialysis I am back to my misery.

So my hope is in cryptos too so that I could well fund my surgery if it is still possible and it is still a lot of hard work because of clearances that I have to undergo and pass through but maybe I can push it through with signing of waivers that if something happens to me under the surgical table no one will be held liable and for me the benefits will outweigh the risks in that regard. God help me.