Vlog - A message to my fellow sufferers of depression

If you don't watch the video, that's cool, but do take a second to read this.

I'm not going to write crazy reams on this because I touch on it in pretty much all of my posts. Depression is a bitch. It is a horrible thing to have to suffer. It can leave you curled into a ball on the floor shaking with self-loathing and loneliness. Too weak to go out, guilt for not going out, anxious about the thought about going out. It paints your world a shade of black that most others never get to see. It changes the prescription on the lenses through which you see life.

It, put simply, is fucked up.

The worst part, I think for a lot of us, is the feeling that it will never end and that we will never be able to pull ourselves up. That everything we try, every path we walk down, none of it matters. The world seems like it's closing in while at the same time expanding into infinite nothingness. Ugh...writing about those feelings up again...and that's not what I want to do.

I got into it in my video, why I decided to do this post, a little back story of what's been going on for the last several months. My fight to finally get myself out of the shit...

But, the main thing I wanted to get out is this.

Three points. Three unbelievable things that even as I write them I don't believe them and don't trust them to work because they seem like the same bullshit that some I know have been telling me all along. But, they're true...

1. Try. It's fucking hard. I know. There will be moments where depression grabs you so hard that you can't lift an arm, open your eyes, even breath. Try. Text a friend. Text a family member. Text someone. On a good day set up a Marco-Polo with someone you know you can trust. You send a certain message, they reply with a certain one. You don't think that going out will change anything. Try. Because it will. You don't think anyone will understand, or will be able to help. Try, because there are so many people out there that are on exactly the same page as you. There are others who say the same words, think the same thoughts, feel the exact same way. Try, and other people will try with you. There will be a lot of failures. But, there will also be success.

2. Believe in the people who believe in you. There are probably a number of voices in your life that say that you can do it. That you will be able to get better. That you can do what you want to do because you have the ability. Depression is a big Fuck You! to self confidence, so, lean on others for that confidence. You don't have to believe in yourself when you're feeling weak because even though depression might tell you no one has confidence in you, there are people out there that really, really do.

3. Trust in the process. If you are trying, and you are believing, you will move forward towards a better life. I hate more than anything saying that...but it's true. Because with every fiber of my depressed being I don't trust the process. It's betrayed me at every step of the way. It's tripped me when I'm weak, held me down when I knew I needed to move, ignored my tears...but, that's just the depression talking. I can't even begin to express how hard it is to try and pull yourself out...and I don't think I have to because we all pretty much know it. It's even harder to keep trying because the more we struggle, the stronger it seems to get. But, that's just the depression trying to keep us from seeing what is actually happening. Recovery.

The old saying, 'fake it until you make it,' I think is more true than we give it credit for. Now, that doesn't mean to ignore it, and pretend it doesn't exist. We need to acknowledge the feelings that are going through our head, but set them to the side as we realize they're all tinted by depression. That's where you refer to point 2, then to point 1, then to this point. And keep on doing so. If you don't have people around you who believe in you...let me know and I'll try and be one of those people for you.

Crap, I said I wasn't going to wasn't going to write reams, so I'm going to cut this off here.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask. If you need help, feel free to ask. If you want to chat, feel free to do so.

The only way you're not going to get better is if you do nothing. Remember that. Do nothing, get nowhere. Having depression disappear with you doing nothing is like winning the lottery. The odds are astronomical. So, do something. Start trying. Start believing. Start trusting. It's the hardest thing in the fucking world to do...but it will pay off in the end.

Be well everyone! :)

Michael