From my daughter's bedside: a ringing head
I had my bi-monthly infusion today. I have to have it otherwise I turn into the incredible hunk no woman can resist. It is a community service of sorts. It does make me feel pretty poor and very tired for up to the next week but I still managed to make it for a gym workout, although admittedly, there were no limits pushed.
I have had health issues my entire adult life that started when I was 16. I was an athletic kid and went from I can do anything to, I can do nothing in less thank 3 months. It took a heavy toll on my body but also on my head.
Even though I will live with the consequences of misdiagnosis, mistreatment and drug side-effects the test of my life, I will also carry many lessons too. It would be great if lessons were more transmissible but for some, you just have to experience them to know perhaps.
When I first got ill I was panicked, then angry and disappointed that before I had even had a chance, my life would be only pain, struggle and hardship. There has been a lot of those three things but there has also been a lot of joy and beauty. It is amazing how much a human can bear for even a slim chance of happiness. Some live their entire lives in hope.
As I grew I started to see my illness for what it was, a gift. Not from some creator but to myself. I was ill and likely always will be but what I do with that experience is up to me. At eighteen I contemplated life ending alternatives, at 39 I recognise that eighteen year old as a selfish fool.
Perspective is power and we reach are born with a mind that is capable of creating entire worlds. All of us without question have the ability yet few use it to shape a better version of themselves and instead imagine they are victims of the world, not creators.
If there is one recognition I wish everyone could learn is that we as humans are creative forces. This power can be used for destruction or construction but it is ours to wield as weapon, shield or tool worth which to build.
My experience had brought me to this point and it will influence me forever past it but, no one need ever be a victim of the past as we all have the ability to learn. And let go.
Pain, struggle and hardship may always be present, but suffering is in the perspective.
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
(posted from phone)
Sometimes life seems to deliver more grief than one can possible handel. To grow from these situations you first have to survive them. In order to persist there has to be good cause and there is no better factor than family. To have a family is to have a network of support and love, which you so obviously do.
Now I do but it was a little different back then. Essentially I came to the realisation of 'suck it up buttercup, there is stuff to do' so decided where is the risk in living if one has already accepted death?
Keep your chin up man.
I feel very much friend for the health situation for which you should always submit to treatment. I hope I give you the relief required. Receive my affections @tarazkp
I am sorry you have to go through this (although I am not sure exactly what you are going through) but I respect your strength. I am not sure how I would deal with a similar thing, especially if it could have been prevented (because that's what I take from your post). But you seem to hold yourself very well and that is very admirable. It does put things in perspective and I am now counting my blessings: having a healthy life and 4 healthy children. Thanks for sharing.
Definitely count your blessings and especially with your children. I sucks to have an ill child. Yes, it could have likely been prevented in severity but it took them 8 months too long to diagnose what should have been simple. When there is little choice, people play with the hands they are dealt.
I saw on @abh12345's post you might be in Poland? It is going to be fun to meet people :)
Yes, if all goes well (I've been struggling a bit lately...banks not cooperating etc.) I should be in Poland. It will be my second time at Steemfest after last year in Portugal, but I've been counting the days to this year's Steemfest and it will be great to see people from last year again and meet others that I haven't met yet. Including yourself :)
It will all be better when we replace the banks. Unfortunately, it won't be in 4 weeks ;) Hope to see you there :)
If only! No, 4 weeks is a bit short notice to fire all banks, but I'll settle for next year's Steemfest! See you there!
I'm sorry you're dealing with all that. Although the trials can make us stronger or more hardened, I'd still rather not see people go through suffering.
Yes we are! All of us are creators. What we create is all that is left to be decided.
And we each have all we need to begin to work it out.
Now I see where you get your super human strength from. Take it easy and look after your self we all need you.
No one needs me... but I am not going anywhere yet :D
Perspective is power and those are powerful words. The cross we bear can be our friend or we can choose to play victim. I would rather make lemonade then wallow in lemons
The way we see he world changes the way we behave in it. Too many people choose to see it in a way that reduces their opportunity and action.
I also am of the mind that suffering is not a necessary result of pain, loss, etc.
A Buddhist teacher once said to me (in response to my complaining about things I'd learned about failings of Buddhist teachers) that the path of awakening is the path of disillusionment. I might go beyond that to say the path of all maturation is such.
We have to let go of all our illusions, including our illusions about what life is "supposed" to be like. That belief is the root of our suffering. When we accept that it is supposed to be whatever it is, while still being able to intend and work toward improvements we want to see to the best of our abilities, we can have a happy and fulfilling life even as we face inevitable challenges.
I'm glad that you are able to face it that way. And that you have used it to become such a cool and interesting person. :)
expectation is just another word for desire. I think that these days we are encouraged to be emotionally weak and mentally thoughtless. Rather than an examined life we lead directed ones where we are told how it all ought to be, even though impossible. It is a control mechanism that can be triggered in myriad ways.
Yes, it is definitely a key aspect of how what I call "cultural forces fighting culture wars" for control over our collective reality seek to move us as pawns in their game plan. Keeping us overwhelmed, off balance and insecure is a very effective part of their strategy. That's why I think that happiness in the presence of productive creativity is the most revolutionary act of defiance.
Thanks! I didn't expect to find a similar lesson, but I agree completely. You have helped me 'see' today.
I am glad it helped you in some way today and I hope you are doing well. :)
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